Friday, January 19, 2007

WHAT is in MY MOUTH??? - Part II

So many awful thoughts flooded into my mind at once. Like a dam had burst and all the water rushed out. Except that my brain put up a 2nd barrier that had just enough of an opening to let my sense of reason out so that as my tongue felt the texture it screamed (it would have if it could have) to SPIT THIS SLIMY,THICKISH and GROSS THING OUT!

The brain really is amazing. Aside from spitting and thinking OMG - WHAT is this? At lightening speed I simultaneously felt repulsion, panic, fear, anger and shock. The image of the unfriendly man who gave me my coffee appeared. I was sure he sabotaged my coffee and that a crime had been committed. I felt violated! I was thinking semen! I was thinking phlegm! I didn't know what to think! I was thinking disease. I was thinking T.B. and Aids! ( I knew the aids virus is fragile, but still!) I was thinking hepatitis! I was thinking this isn't good! I thought I would vomit! The moment was surreal. Everything happened quickly, yet was simultaneously in slow mo.

I didn't utter a sound. I quickly put the lid back on the cup containing the mystery mass. I gathered my shopping bags and my purse, got out of the car and locked the doors. As I was walking to the door, every thought that was jammed up in my brain wanted to burst through, announced 1st with a primal scream that probably would've reverberated off the mountains.

Instead, I stepped inside and smiled , saying "Hi Honey" to my husband who was sitting in the family room watching TV. I turned away from him, packages in tow and laid them on the kitchen table. I then (while in total silence contained my emotions) proceeded to get a small metal baking strainer. You know, the kind you might use to sift some powdered sugar. I took the strainer along with a disposable plastic cup and the cup of whatever and headed for the bathroom. On the way I smiled and said hi to my son who was watching TV in the living room. I was on a mission and I was scared. I was afraid of what I was going to see.

I closed the bathroom door behind me. I took the lid off the cup and poured it's contents into the strainer which I had sitting over the plastic cup. I really thought I would be ill when I saw this collection of something, but I couldn't make it out because it had taken on the coffee color.

I went back out to the kitchen to get a toothpick, still in silence not letting on to my family what I was feeling. When I got back in the bathroom, I proceeded to poke at the "mass of whatever" and it was slimy. I could stretch it a bit, like bodily secretions can be stringy, sort of. I wanted to run water over it but I didn't want to compromise it in any way. So, instead, I obsessively (and feeling queasy) tried to figure out what it was by letting it slide back and forth between the cup and the strainer. I gave up. I threw the strainer in the garbage, picked up the sealed mystery cup and brought it with me into in our bedroom.

I proceeded to make a phone call. I wanted to get it analyzed by a lab. So, I called a local hospital but not the one I was working in.

I loved the people I worked with. My coworkers would be empathetic and the lab would help me if they could. However, they also have wonderful senses of humor. So do I - says me! But this event was ripe for the picking. They would not be able to resist teasing me. I am someone that can always see humor in all kinds of situations. I get the black humor when things are going really bad at work. If you don't crack a joke to break the tension - you'll crack. However, I was in no mood whatsoever to be teased and I knew the jokes would fly and so that is why I called a different hospital.

The lab tech said they couldn't do anything and that I should call the police or my doctor. Normally, I would've known that the lab can't just do a test because someone off the street requests it - that they need an order, but I was thinking crime and I wanted to get it analyzed! Ok, maybe I had seen one too many CSI's - but I wanted to know!

So, I called that town's police department, which happened to be the town that the Kentucky Fried Chicken was located in. The officer listened to the whole story but then said I would have to call the State Police Because the business was under their jurisdiction.

I called the state Police barracks and after listening to the whole story (everyone wanted to hear what happened) that officer told me to call the county Public Health Department.

I was still containing my emotions and every vile thought

I called the Public Health Department. After a couple of transfers, I finally get the right person, a nurse, who after hearing the whole story (which is now building because I am now relaying the order of people/agencies called.) tells me I should call my private doctor.

I called my PMD's office and thank God I got them because it was the end of the day and they were about to turn their phones off. I now relay the whole story to his nurse, who then has me hold for the doctor.

(It was not helping me when after telling the story, that everyone recoiled at the thought(including the men) and I could easily visualize the look of disgust through the phone based on the intonation of their voices.
No - their collective rxn was causing my internalized horror to exacerbate to the phobic side of the fearometer!)

My PMD is wonderful and I am blessed to have him for my doctor.

As I began to tell him what happened - I broke down like a little girl, sobbing. I was desperately trying to tell him everything through my tears and wavering sobs. He is a patient and reassuring doctor and he didn't react with repulsion, which helped me immensely. He's one of those doctors that you know really cares and he looks out for you. His British accent doesn't hurt either. Although, believe me, at the time I wasn't thinking about his British accent!

He told me to refrigerate it and to bring a sample in to his office the next day and he would send it out.

Still in the bedroom - I was able to regain my composure and I decided to call our lab - the lab in the hospital I worked in. I had to know about this thing that was in my mouth. Maybe they could at least rule out SOMETHING, ANYTHING!

After AGAIN telling the entire story, the wonderful tech said to bring it in, call him when I got there and they would take a look at it and they would do it on the side and no one would know.

(Even though I am digressing a bit, I will say that one of the perks in working in the hospital has always been getting pregnancy tests and Ua's for free or finding out about lab results before even the doctor's knew. My OB Dr. called my house one nite for something and he asked me for the results of my glucose tolerance test when he heard that I had my own printout. Of course, now the rules are more stringent since from even a few years ago - so I don't think that could happen anymore.)

I had regained my composure and I took the now specimen - evidence back out to the kitchen. I divided it up, placing each half in separate zip lock bags and refrigerated them. I took the cup (Thinking forensics could always analyze the cup if they had to - seriously!) and put that in a bag and stashed it in our bedroom closet.

Next, I went out to the family room to tell my husband. In retrospect, his expression was both priceless and alarming! He tried to reassure me, but I could see by the look on his face that he didn't believe what he was saying, so he didn't help. (Maybe if he had a British accent! Just kidding - I really was not thinking about accents at that time.) The truth is I couldn't be consoled. If you had that stuff in your mouth - you would understand! I had rehashed the entire story and it would've been ad nauseam if it were not for the fact that I HAD to get dressed for work. My eyes were puffy and I was totally drained, but you have to do what you have to do.

After getting ready for work (make up is a gift from heaven) I grabbed the specimen, stashed it in my purse and drove up to the hospital.

To be continued....


Anonymous said...

Seaspray. I MUST know what kind of yuck that ended up being in your mouth. OMG. I pray it wasn't a lung cookie.
I'll be back to find out.
As soon as you know, find a computer with internet connection and post it!
I really hope it wasnt something that could cause you substantial harm because that's just sick. Only one question, did you contact the establishment that sold said contaminated coffee?
OFF THE SUBJECT: I did find and enjoy the independent urologists post. Wow, a Doc that actually cares to find out. Most docs are really squeemish about coding.

SeaSpray said...

Hi Billmaker - thanks for stopping by. I figured you would appreciate the independent urologist's post "Letter to the Editor" and am glad you enjoyed it.

That incident with me happened a few years ago and I will wrap it up in Part III.

I was eating a snack when I read your comment and fortunately for me, after years of having "interesting" conversations during dinner in the hospital cafeteria - I am desensitized to eating around gross things - conversation or otherwise. :)

OHN said...

Seaspray--get up now and tell us the rest of the story. By the way, thanks for the jumpstart on the diet..don't think breakfast is in order for me today :)

SeaSpray said...

Good morning Ohn! 6:56 EST? I didn't open my baby blues until 9:45! I almost went to bed when the birds were waking.

I am probably a night owl by nature, but now that I'm not working I think I am turning into a bohemian!

Of course, I will be waking up with the birds if I decide to work 7-3 shift at a hospital. Thank you God for coffee!

I will post Part III as soon as I can. Have a lot on my agenda today that I want to accomplish and hopefully the stent won't bother me until the end of the day. It's like Russian Roulette and I just never know.

Re: Jump start on diet - Your welcome! :)

Now time for that oh so good 2nd cup of java!

The Angry Medic said...

You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? Torturing us with the suspense like this! Bad Seaspray, bad!

P.S. When's that Apprentice 2nd episode post going up?

SeaSpray said...

Hi A.M. - I don't think I am going to finish the post. Just kidding! :) I will sometime soon.

Actually, I am preparing for a med consult next week and I am blogging. Talk about procrastination! I need too hunker down,focus,hone down and fine tune the info and questions that I have so far. After all the Doc only has so much available time. :)

I will post something after tomorrow night's Apprentice. I am REALLY wanting to like it better than I have so far. So, are you still taking "the Donald" out on the town? :)

Medblog Addict said...

Seaspray, I can't wait for you to finish your story.

I am thinking about switching to the new Blogger and wanted to play around with it first. So I started this as a test. Talking About The Apprentice


healthpsych said...

Hi Seaspray,

Had a lot of trouble commenting on your blog! Finally it's letting me...

I read your post over breakfast. Bad move!! Still, on the plus side, curbed my appetite nicely. :)

Will be back to check out what this thing was.

healthpsych said...

PS If you're posting about the Apprentice here, please make it obvious in the title because we're miles behind the US and I don't want to know!!! Same with The Amazing Race (we've only just seen the Family series). ;)

SeaSpray said...

Hi Healthpsych - I am glad to see that my posts are having such a positive effect in curbing everyone's appetites. Maybe I am on to something here. :)

Re: The Apprentice - Angry medic is going to be behind on the show as well and so I will try to post without being specific or at least you will be warned by the title of my post.

Your pajama day really sounded fun. We all need days like that! I am now going to bed and changing out of my red pj's with black cats. :) They are perfect for being cozy and hanging out at home, but too warm for bed. Plus I like silky things when I sleep as they slide around better.

Thanks for stopping by Healthpsych.

SeaSpray said...

p.s. Healthpsych - Thanks for blogrolling me on your site. :)

healthpsych said...

Very glad to blogroll you...meant to do so earlier.

re. the Apprentice, I just found out it got canned here. So, I'll have to find a way to download it from the internet for my fix.

Anonymous said...

How will I be able to work for the rest of the afternoon??!! I'm going to be checking back here every 10 min. to see if Part III is posted yet!

Thank you so much for the kind words you left on my blog. I'm honoured to be on your blogroll.

(I hope this isn't posting twice - it's the 2nd time I've typed it)

The Angry Medic said...

Hey,sorry for the late reply. It's bee a killer week here, more so than usual! Glad you enjoyed the video on my site. Thanks for promising to warn me if you blog about The Apprentice--I'm desperately gonna try and avoid reading anything about it until March the 1st :P

And what's with the delay in Part III? You're keeping us in suspense on purpose aren't you?

The MSILF said...

Still waiting...

SeaSpray said...

Sorry everyone - I am still working on gathering info/questions for my med consult Monday. Well, except for a few comments here and there.

If you want to read something hilarious go to Trench Doc's site and read his post on Germaphobia and then read the comments.

For those of you that don't know what a Throckmorton is go to Medblog Addict's site and read her post "Batshit Crazy" and in her post she linked to someone's post on the Throckmorton sign.

So, if you read about the Throckmorton sign and the comments in Medblog Addict then go to Trenchy's "Germaphobia" and the comments will make sense - read all the way down. Too funny! :)

SeaSpray said...

Hey M.A. - I left you a message on your apprentice site. Can't a girl keep ANY secrets? :)

Still formulating my thoughts on my med consult. I hate the feeling that I might miss something important. I still want to finish this Part III and then I will comment on The Apprentice, Grey's Anatomy and so many other things.

I am STILL c-r-a-c-k-i-n-g up about Trenchy's Old Throckmorton salad bar test!! and also the sum it all up answer about every man being his own compass. Too funny! :)

Medblog Addict said...

Hi SeaSpray,

I converted over to new Blogger. Everything went okay except some commenters became "anonymous", including you. Here is a link to the Throckmorton post. People won't be able to see which comment is yours, so just tell them your comment is the funniest one!

Medblog Addict said...

Well, of course the link didn't work. Sorry, I guess I need to continue to practice my linking.

Sid Schwab said...

Haven't been by in a while. This is a really great post. You've left us all hanging like a, well, like a loogie.

SeaSpray said...

Thank you Dr. Schwab - I'm glad you liked it. I'll be posting soon. Thanks for stopping by. :)

SeaSpray said...

P.S. Very funny Dr. Schwab - we'll see :)

The Angry Medic said...

Yeah SeaSpray, what's taking so long? All of us are as impatient as Dr Schwab.

Ooh, by the way - I'm up-to-date on The Apprentice! I dunno about you, but Sean looks VERY single to me.

OHN said...

Hurry up already! We are dying out here!

Chrysali Angel said...

Seaspray my friend, write something anything....You need me, you know where to find me.

SeaSpray said...

Thank you Chrysalis Angel - I will soon. And you are right - I do. :)