Thursday, March 29, 2007

Diary of a Cat (author unknown)

http://www.cs.uccs.edu/~cdash/downloads/cat.jpg
I hope I haven't offended anyone with this cat pic, but I thought it tied in perfectly with the cat's diary. I have never used this gesture in my entire life, nor will I... unless, I have just done so in a passive aggressive way.... :)

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768- I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

11 comments:

patientanonymous said...

I've read this before, I think.

Oh and btw, you've been tagged! Check out my blog for the latest meme...you're up next!

I have another suggestion for you too re your blog that I noticed. To avoid spambots and stuff, you might want to type your email address in not as the exact form...like type it in as text without the @ symbol. Take a look at my blog if you'd like or there are other examples out there.

Certain programs can *look* for charcters set up exactly as the email address format and then you can get totally spammed.

SeaSpray said...

Hi P.A. - Yes - it is an older E-mail that I had printed for myself and I came across it last night while sorting through papers.

I've been so preoccupied with work that I haven't taken the time to write anything meaningful - but this too shall pass.

Yes - I will play and I will do a.s.a.p. - thanks. :)

The e-mail address is a good suggestion. I always have spam anyway, so they must have my address from other sources.

Chrysalis Angel said...

Why, Ms. Seaspray, I am shocked! Such photos, and on this beautiful ocean blog.

I was cracking up...you worry more than I do. Pass your meme elsewhere when you are done...don't even think of sending any of those my way. One good thing about not being read...I don't have to do them. :)

patientanonymous said...

Hey CA, I knew you were freaked out about the meme so I didn't "pick on you"...just so you know if you come back to this comment section!

SeaSpray said...

Ha!Ha-Chrysalis! Very funny!

I go out of my way not to offend people and of course, this is just a joke.

In my personal life - I would never ever intentionally do anything to harm someone or cause a problem and so it rips me apart when I realize that I have. I am usually a sins of omission kind of girl, more than the commissions.

No meme for you - as per your request. :)

I love day #774 where the dog is a half-wit (LOL!) and the bird is an informant. (LOL!)

SeaSpray said...

P.S. Chrysalis Angel - your blog is a great blog and well read. People also enjoy hearing from you. :)

The Independent Urologist said...

Sorry, I'm a dog guy. But in answer to your post, see below.

For most of us, the only preparation comes from The School of Trial and Error (mostly error). I absorbed things over the years like a sponge, but I also am a voracious reader and listener.

It ain't easy, but it is fun. And yes, I bring home milk, change diapers and put the girls to bed, to boot.

The only thing I don't do much of anymore is watch TV.

Thanks for the kind words.

Chrysalis Angel said...

Hello P.A. and Seaspray.

Seaspray those quotes were my favorites too. See, too much a like. he, he. I'll have to check out your other friend's blog..mmm. I've been at a loss for words lately, it could be a good thing.

HP said...

Love the cat picture...although I'm not showing it to my cats...they're already cranky enough.

SeaSpray said...

LOL HP! LOL! the thing is - I hear you HP...you really don't want to give them ideas. :)

Anonymous said...

Loved the picture! I just hope no dogs see it! Will you come up with more diary entries?