Thursday, June 14, 2007

Just a Thought

As much as we wish we could protect our children from all the bad encounters and experiences - we can't. But we can be there for them as the anchor for their storms and the light house illuminating the better path. We can be their rock of unconditional love and port of safety. We can be their solid foundation from which self confidence, compassion, wisdom, respect and love is developed. We can teach them to think independently - to see a situation for what it is and from that make sound decisions. But most importantly; we can teach our children about God - instilling a faith so deep within, that it will become a spiritual compass guiding them throughout their lives. ~ SeaSpray ~


MarlaQuack said...

Just wanted to send hugs on the whole mommy thing. I'm not there yet, but through your writing I can feel the emotions of letting them go.

Dr. Deb said...

One of the things about being a parent is to realize this.

SeaSpray said...

((((Hugs)))) to you too Marlaquack.

I am glad it touched you. I was just so filled with emotion yesterday morning that everything poured out.

I was teary eyed after talking with guidance this morning realizing it's probably my last phone contact with the school. I am excited for him. It is that whole letting go thing and actually he is going to community college so he will still be living at home.

I took pictures of my husband taking his crib down because I was pretty sure he would be the last one.

Ha! I better by WATERPROOF mascara to wear for his graduation. I was talking with a couple of his other friends that were here earlier and wanted to know if their mothers were sentimental. One boy said no because his mother has 2 more at home and the other boy is an only child and he said his mother was teary. :) I was sentimental over my 1st born graduating too because he was the 1st.

BTW - I am also VERY EXCITED and HAPPY for him too!

Also, I did get your e-mail and will look up info as soon as I have some quality quiet time. Thank you!

Hi Dr Deb - I am glad you agree. It isn't always easy either - is it? Sometime I will talk about how inadequate I felt with my first born for about the 1st three years of his life. I was a really good mother but just didn't see it back then. Well I knew it and I didn't. My mother loved me and nurtured me when I was little but as I became an adolescent she didn't really have the necessary parenting skills and it was a blessing in disguise when she sent me up here to live with my aunt and uncle. As an adult, I do know that she did her best.

I was fortunate - blessed that God (and I do believe this)has placed key people in my life that made a positive impact on me. My mentor that I have discussed is one of them but there have been others.

It's actually kind of exciting to look back or even to recognize in the present that a certain person or situation becomes a part of your life and to see the wonderful things that evolve from that circumstance or person enhancing your life for the better.

I hope I have been that person for other people. You know give back what you've received and then some. :)

Chrysalis Angel said...

Seaspray that is so true. My favorite part is where you wrote.."teach them to think independently." That is one of the most important things you can teach a child! They need to learn to think for themselves and discern on their own. Your child rearing is the single most important job anyone will ever do. Hats of to you!

SeaSpray said...

Thank you for your kind words Angel.

I even taught them to critique commercials and see if they could figure out what the advertisers wanted them to believe and and then discern if it was really all they were promoting. Older son especially got into it and prided himself in figuring out the messages. :) Younger son could do the same but he just enjoyed the commercials.

Once younger said," Mommy, why do you always change the commercials? I LIKE them!" :)

Chrysalis Angel said...

What a great game to foster discernment! Very clever Seaspray. I am impressed. Children are like sponges...they can learn so much, so fast, it is fascinating. If only they all had the kind of nurturing environment you provided your own children.

SeaSpray said...

Hi Angel- thank you for your sweet words.

Believe me life wasn't perfect. There were storms to be weathered in the family but with the kids I always tried to let them know how much they were loved.

Seriously - I think I told them I loved them every day of their lives and more than once a day. I also hugged then and cuddled a lot.

I know my family loved me but I don't believe they ever said it - not even my mother. They kept their feeling close and weren't demonstrative at all.

As a matter of fact I was not a hugger of anyone but my boyfriends or husband. I used to cringe inside when I knew I would have to hug everyone in my husband's family before we would leave.

Then when I was 24, my mentor - my friend Pat, would always greet everyone coming to see them at the manse with a huge hug. She just impacted me in so many ways and one of them was that she broke down a lot of the barriers I had put up to keep emotional distance and I guess physical too.

Long story short. I love to give hugs and get hugs. I hug family, friends and even strangers. I have even hugged patients in the emergency room or their family and friends and also the sweet little elderly people who were our Lifeline clients.

I am discerning and if I perceive that it would be appreciated or help in anyway - then I hug. There is something to being embraced or touched by another human being and I think it is healing to do so on many levels. Personally, I love a good hug. I think it is bonding if you know the person and it builds a bridge to get to know others better too.

I digressed - again. :)

* I think a really important thing I did with the boys is how I disciplined them. I made my mistakes - but I learned as time went on.

I didn't punish - I disciplined. I would talk to them and tell them why they were having the consequences they were. Always with love and even tho they would cry we always ended with a hug and hearing that they are loved.

* When I lost my cool over something - like if I was having a bad day etc and I behaved inappropriately with anything, I would call them aside, apologize for my behavior, let them know that sometimes even adults make mistakes and explain (if possible) why I did or said what I did.

Then in my opinion - and most importantly, I would ask them to forgive me. If they were mad at me - they would just soften immediately and always forgive me and we'd hug.

I did that ever since they were little. That teaches them that no one is perfect,to say your sorry when you do something wrong, to forgive, they see you respect them and they trust you when you have to step in for bigger issues because they know your not just barking orders at them,that you care about their feelings and it totally strengthens your relationship with each other.

Sorry - lately, I have been so wordy in comments everywhere!

Earlier this evening younger son (18 yr old)and I got into it a bit - nothing bad. I recognized he was right about some things but he was also wrong about others. I was annoyed but I kept calm and I acknowledged where he was right while simultaneously making my point too. I distanced and left to do other things. About an hour later he came to me and sincerely apologized and explained some of his behavior.

I am proud of him for that and quite frankly - he warmed my heart. :)