Saturday, February 23, 2008
Wisdom Imparted to Me From a Cherished Fellow Blogger
The following paragraph is some compassionate wisdom imparted to me from a cherished fellow blogger. (Thank you very much CFB!) This blogger is aware of my pain and distress over the crime committed in our community this past Tuesday. I opened my e-mail to find the following:
You probably need to build up some of your psychological 'walls'. Give yourself some soothing, relaxing time, say something like in a tub with your favourite bath salts, candles, music, a glass of really nice wine to sip or iced tea or hot chocolate if it is cold and snowy(!) and relax with a little mantra, such as "I am very upset that this happened, I am unhappy because (list why...e.g. it was in your ideal community, you knew the woman, you wonder if you are safe etc.) but then self-talk back into a safe and confident real world, rather than the worried imaginary world you may have created unwittingly because you are quite reasonably unsettled by all this. You can certainly say with some confidence that this sort of thing is rather unlikely to happen again in your community. Statistically speaking, it is incredibly unlikely.
You knew the woman slightly and have memories of her, but there was not much you could have done to have intervened and stopped this tragedy. Unfortunately, as I think I said before, gun culture where it is allowed to exist, will allow these tragedies to continue .
If you want to stop ruminating about the episode, I think you have to let it go. Perhaps even representing that 'letting go' by symbolically throwing petals of a flower into the sea or even some pretty pebbles, thinking about each sad thought and saying good bye to it as you cast it away.
You are correct, healing will come with time.
I asked CFB permission to post this and to share with some personal friends who are probably hurting even more than me.
Cherished fellow blogger...you warmed my heart with this one. Also your validating my feelings also helped me to identify them ...you know... these unspoken and seemingly in the shadows (but they're not) feelings just hovering over head, that I can at times feel permeating my being as if by osmosis. And when something bad happens...it sometimes feels like you need permission to feel good. Like if your too happy or enjoying yourself...that it's bad or disrespectful. Death is weird. I mean life goes on and it should, but it is a momentous event...worthy of respect for the person who has passed on. And the feelings that abound after someone dies in a tragic way... are multiplied many times over. Shock, disbelief, sadness and in this case unsettling and disturbing. And then your laughing with a friend or relative in the next moment...like there is a disconnect of sorts...and I guess there is, but it doesn't seem right. Yet... it is supposed to be that way...because life goes on.