Monday, March 3, 2008

Urology Homework Pays Off

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Imagine that you have done your urology homework and have taken every suggested opportunity to kegel and that you have become the rock star of kegelers.

Imagine that you are now having a vag exam with any given doctor...your OBGYN, URODOC, ER Doc, and I guess even your PCP. Oh the horror of THAT thought! I LOVE my PCP to pieces (haven't seen him in a year) but he ain't NEVER visiting south of the border...NEVER I tell you. That's because he's never been and so he's never gonna be. I've known him too long and he feels like more of a friend. I don't get nekkid for friends. Just not that kind of girl. ;)

Heh! Strangers welcome... even if they end up becoming familiar, but perish the thought of someone I've known 18 years suddenly having 1st time access to Bajingoland! I couldn't face him again. Might as well have a chuck placed over my face and let me leave the office with said chuck still over my head. I will say my good byes through the chuck...sadly ...never to return again. THAT is why my PCP can NEVER do a vag exam.

But I digress. you're in the Bajingoland position ready for the vag exam to be done by your OBGYN, URODOC , ER Doc or your PCP if that is who you are used to. Imagine the exam is now over and your Doc goes to remove the speculum like he has probably done thousands of times...BUT... you decide to hold onto the speculum just because you can...because you are now an ace kegeler. However, you don't tell the doc what you are doing. So...try as he may and try as she might...they can't remove it.

It would be fun to watch. But then as in any game of tug-of-war...there comes a moment of release when someone goes falling backward. Choose your moment... release and watch them fly back. Well maybe this would only be a good idea if they had beach sand for the exam room floor because we wouldn't want them to get hurt. Hmmm...beach sand in the exam there's an interesting concept...complete with palm tree and cabana boy. ;) I know...digressing again.

Another scenario ...never release the speculum. Maintain that kegel grip but smile sweetly and effortlessly like you don't have a care in the world. When the doc comes back into exam room with one of the partners to have them try to remove it...just release at the first gentle pull like nothing ever happened. Then tell the docs that 1st doc must've loosened it. ;)

I adore my docs and would never do anything to hurt or humiliate them, but still...the competitive, teasing side of my nature is giggling over this one. Ya can't blame a girl for wanting to have a little fun! ;)


Jenster said...

What an image I have in my head now!! LOL!!!

Elaine said...

I couldn't help but laugh at that image. Many thanks.

Also many thanks for your helpful comments on my blog. Much appreciated.

SeaSpray said...

Hi Jenster and Elaine - I'm glad you girls got a laugh out of it. it warms my heart. :)

Your welcome Elaine. :)

haha...i know some people must think..."that girl needs help" (which makes me smile all the more)but i crack myself up at the images i get too.

Seriously though...after the speculum tug-of-wars...I am probably gonna giggle during my next pap. And then how do I tell the truth to someone who isn't familiar with my humor or writing.

Maybe I'll just tell him he's tickling me. Nah...might not be a good idea either...God help me.

If it's urodoc...i think I did say something about my kegels are so strong that I could play tug-of-war for the speculum but he doesn't know how far I have gone with this concept, although I have given him one of my funny posts so maybe nothing would surprise him. Now my gyno doc doesn't know this side of me. :)

John McElveen said...


I Love it! You are as sick as I am!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!


Hey Sea----Could you help me open this bottle? I can't seem to get the cap off--LOL!!

SeaSpray said...

Hahahahaha!!!!! John! Can I open a bottle for you?? Okay...but only if it isn't the sharp caps. Maybe by the time I get to the bajingo olympics I can handle the sharp ones. ;)

I suspect we are kindred spirits in with our humor. :)