Being a Jersey girl who grew up at the shore and likes Springsteen -this clip kind of perks me up a bit and... causes me to feel wistful. The images are familiar and I can almost put myself in those shots. And of course there's my love for the ocean.
Ever revisit a place in your past and feel like your almost really there again? You feel like you can almost touch it or be with the same people ...experiencing those moments again ...same sights, sames smells...your almost there but not quite. Almost like if you could just lift some thin dimensional veil...you'd be there again? And wouldn't it be nice to take it all in one more time, but with senses of appreciation and knowing...even if just for a little while? And wouldn't it be nice if we could do it with the people we loved but are no longer with us...just one more time?
I am grateful for all I have in the present and I am believing for a good future. I just miss my friend and I can't imagine never being able to talk with her again. She ALWAYS had the answers...you know? It always amazed me when she sought my advice because...seriously...there was no comparison.
And even though she accomplished a lot and helped many people ...in many ways she had a broken life and she was sometimes hard on herself for mistakes she felt she made. As a matter of fact...some people judged her, questioning her ability to help others. But what these people didn't/don't realize is that it is sometimes through our brokenness...that we are best able to help others. And she had a gift for doing just that. She was generous to a fault, she always forgave me for my intermittent absences, loved people unconditionally and seemed to make it her lifetime ambition to help others. I know I am a better person for having known her.
I feel like I have lost a sister, a spiritual guide, a teacher, a counselor, a mother (she was only 9 yrs older than me), a mentor and a best friend. 29 years worth of all that. And boy could we laugh! And I loved that I cracked her up. Sometimes I'd forget during one of our phone marathons, that she was on oxygen and I would get on such a roll that she would get to laughing so hard that she would choke and gasp for air and she'd still laugh but that always scared me. She also could crack me up! :)
One of those conversations revolved around her wanting me to come up and stay over night in her apartment and I said that I only wanted to come up for the day because I could not spend another night in her fold out sofa with that hideous bar going into my side. So she wanted me to take her bed and she would take the awful bed. No way! I wasn't going to do that to her and my luck she'd die because she was so uncomfortable and then I'd have to live with the guilt that she died uncomfortably because I was selfish and it got progressively morbid with black humor as I described the scenario for what I would have to do to get her back in her bed after she was dead so no one would know how selfish I really was, in the next room and the doorbell would be ringing with people coming to see her and ...so on. It was totally inane and your all probably thinking ... GROSS!, but we were laughing so hard she choked and tears were coming out of our eyes. It also doesn't escape me that we were also venting about our fears and frustrations with her being so sick and that she could die and the black humor served as the release for that. BTW...we usually laughed at funny things not death. That night was an exception.
We could be real with each other...most of the time. In any relationship...I still think we hold back on some things, but our friendship was as real as they come. It was a gift from God.
She loved the ocean too and her all time favorite locale was Wellfleet, Cape Cod, MA.
We never went to the ocean together though. Our lives were usually on different paths and while we had a great friendship, we never took any vacations together. And actually, she only lived in this area for about 9 years out of the 29. I think when you are kindred spirits...it doesn't matter how far apart you live or how long it's been...you can ALWAYS pick up like you never parted in the 1st place.
Gee this was supposed to just be an upbeat clip and it turned into this. I will try to be mindful of the fact that regular readers do come in here and you don't want to read depressing stuff all the time. My head is filled with so many memories that have been coming back to life this week and I can't help but to talk about them. Hopefully, I will do something funny in the next post.