Monday, April 28, 2008

New Doctor

I just like the pic. Guess she had her spider veins fixed. Hmmm....

*I may be taking a blogging break for a while as I have some things to do, but I have added several posts over the last few days. I enjoy getting comments and so please know that I will respond to all when I return.

I have to be at a new doctor's office at 12:15 tomorrow down in another county. He's a vascular doc. Wimpette that I am, I am always wondering if it is going to hurt. I know the receptionist mentioned something about a machine and is why I have to go there.

At least a perk to the day is that...Passionstamper is taking me down and then we will go out to lunch and spend the day together. The last time she did this (last summer)I left the urology office after a procedure and within 10 minutes felt something was significantly wrong and ended up in the ER and then admitted. She had just gotten her Durango 3 days earlier and we were close to the hospital but stuck in traffic.

Suddenly I felt like I was going to be sick! She didn't have any garbage bags, we were stuck in traffic with cars all around and so I couldn't open the door. I knew I was going to have to vomit into my white pocketbook that I loved so much. Just as I got the phone out her daughter held one of those paper car mats under my chin...just in time. I thought I was going to pass out any second as I am vomiting, daughter is holding the paper mat under me and friend is desperately trying to navigate through rush hour traffic and get up to the hospital. Fortunately it was mild vomiting and the new Durango wasn't compromised!

I am trusting that tomorrow will be a lot less eventful. We laugh at that now. :)

Everything in me is resisting the idea of going and I have been fighting with myself not to cancel. I am afraid of what he might say. I know...fear is the opposite of faith.

Last week a former co-worker from the hospital alarmed me stating that I could have a blood clot based on what I was describing and 4 times in the same conversation they urged me to make this appointment and insisted I call them afterward. So I scheduled immediately. I seriously hope they are wrong...seriously!

My computer is in an armoire and the base of the armoire doesn't allow me to extend my legs. Not only that but I have a habit of wrapping my legs and ankles around each other. Admittedly...I get lost in the blogosphere and forget to get up and move around... for hours sometimes. I had superficial vascular things like spider veins that never really bother me and they remind me of the forth of July with their starburst effect. I mean I'd rather not have them but they don't make me crazy like some women feel about them. Maybe cause they're bluish and I love blue. ;)

But during my 18 months of blogging...I have noticed an exacerbation of vascular changes in lower extremities. Definitely blogging induced! I don't have any pain though unless I press the area and then it feels like a bruise. I was told to wear the support stockings back in the 90s by my PCP but I never did. But I also didn't have varicose veins...nothing hard like that. Now I am thinking I might in my front lower leg although I don't see anything other than the discoloration. So...I will find out tomorrow. I am dreading this.

And my life is on hold because really ...I was probably going to do another urology surgery (elective) but wanted to pursue this first. Just want to rule this stuff out. There I vented..I whined...and I am going to do it!

I am planning on going back to the Y to swim this week and sign up for another program. Hopefully our pool will be opening within the month too.

Also if anyone remembers or is inclined to pray or send good thoughts this way...please do. Thanks! :)


Dreaming again said...

ooooo ... I will definitely be praying.

I don't know if I can explain my theology on fear/faith.

Honestly, I don't buy into that fear being the opposite of faith.

Jesus said we were each given a measure of faith. He also said that it took just the size of a mustard seed to throw a mountain into the sea (note: he never told us to throw the mountain into the sea, just that it was all it took was that little faith)

So, we're all given the faith we need ... it really takes very little faith for anything of substance to happen ...

why? Because in reality's GOD'S power that causes things to happen, not our faith.

Depending on our faith for things to happen ..isn't that putting all the burden on our shoulders?
Isn't the power in God's hands, not ours?

God created us, and knew that we'd have concerns, worries, doubts, fears ... and yes, he often told us to not worry not be afraid .. and he gave us example after example of very strong men of God who fell victim to moments of weakness, fear and doubting ... Moses ... David ... Isaiah, Jeremiah, Peter (blessed blessed Peter, my favorite impulsive apostle) even Paul!

Does that mean we stew in that fear, no, we tell God about it, and we admit to our friends that we have it and ask them to pray ... and then we trust in God to let him get us through ...

Ok, so maybe I did try to explain it. I just hope I made some sense.

My I've been wordy today!!

SeaSpray said...

Hi Dreaming-Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. Also thank you for your prayers.

Just that while God gives us a common sense fear to not want to be burned by fire or protect ourselves he doesn't want us to dwell on fear because we give it power and it can open the door to the negative.

I am thinking of the scripture that says "We fight not against flesh and blood but against things not yet seen." We have the potential to open doors/influences to things from the spirit world and not all sources are from God. When we exercise our faith we move things in that direction in the spirit world. and yes God does what he will too but we also partner together. I feel like I shouldn't even admit that I feel afraid because I am not operating in faith then but I am oh so human.

I would do well to remember when Jesus told people not to be afraid because even the birds have food, the lilies in the field are clothed and God knows the numbers of hairs on our heads and so how much more does he care for us?

And actually lack of faith can block healing. But that also doesn't mean that if a person remains sick or dies that they lacked faith. We all have something happen at some point.

Who knows why things play out as they do but my understanding is that we are to act in faith as if it will or did happen and believe for the best knowing all things are possible with God.

Then like I said...I am oh so human and so I don't always do what i know I should do. :) I probably shouldn't have put such a negative post up but like you said it is good to release this stuff, there is power in prayer.

Yes made sense and I appreciated your wordiness. One more example of how cool blogosphere is. Who am I going to wake up at this time of night because I feel anxious? Yet I come back here and I see your encouragement. :)

SeaSpray said...

Correction to this:"We fight not against flesh and blood but against things not yet seen." should've been "We fight not against flesh and blood but against principalities and things not yet seen."

Chrysalis Angel said...

Seaspray, good luck today - let me know how you're doing. We should get you a lap top so you can lay back, and elevate your legs while you read.
I'll be thinking of you.

Evil Lunch Lady said...

Good luck! I'll be thinking of you!

SeaSpray said...

Hi Angel and Evil lunch lady- thank you very much. :)

Ah yes...laptop...a girl can dream. :)

It's on my wish list but after med bills/household and car. All in due time. :)

SeaSpray said...

Could not sleep until forever last night! I always do this before anything important the next morning. Even going into OR next should rest prior to that...nope! not me..bright eyed and bushy tailed. I even do it for vacation! probably will do the same on day of my interview and first day at work too. :)

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