Thursday, April 17, 2008

She's Finally Free

I apologize for not stopping by to read/comment on my favorite blogs or to respond to the comments left by friends and visitors here. I had been busy compiling tax info and inputting i c when I received a phone call from a friend that one of my closest friends I have ever had had, died on Monday, the 14th.

My heart is broken. She was my friend. She was my mentor. This past March marked our 29th anniversary of being friends. We are all unique. No one will ever take her place. She has her own special place in my heart...from which I will continue to draw on all she has taught me and hopefully to pay it all forward so that others can benefit from her compassion and wisdom as I have. She has been a major influence in my life. I know that I have been able to help others because of what I have learned from her. And she has helped and blessed me tremendously. She would tell you that I did that for her, but the truth is...I always wondered what someone like her saw in me. ? I have so much to say but I can't do it now.

Her death wasn't unexpected... but rather overdue by about 10 years at least if not more. She confounded the doctors by continually rallying back from her illness. I didn't know I was going to take it this hard. I managed not to cry today but my eyes are still really puffy. I can't keep doing this. I have too much to do. Tell that to my heart though. :(

Water Lilies (Agapanthus) | 1960.81
This Water Lilies by Claude Monet is similar to one she gave me. And she gave me a poster in another version of this with more greens in varying tones. I put it on the refrigerator door and so every time I turn around from the reminds me of the pond out back.

Pat was arty and had a a flair for decorating in such a way that it was always beautiful and inviting. Whenever I was in her houses or apartments...I always felt like I wanted to stay forever. I think it was a combination of her beautiful, fun loving spirit and her decorating. She loved flowers and in her latter years, surrounded herself with dried flowers and floral paintings (among other things) to bring the outdoors in to her, since she was mostly bedridden indoors. She loved the vibrant colors and their delicate beauty. The first time I fell in love with Monet's work was when she took me to the Museum of Modern Art in NYC. And Pat never just gave you something. There was always a deeper meaning, the gifts were symbolic of things past, present and future, depending on what was going on at the time she gave you the gift.

Even her obituary was an inspiration because it shows the professional paths she chose, demonstrating that she has helped a lot of people during her life. I love what she said about her sons and how she acknowledged all of her physicians by name and what she said. And I love the picture of her. It is what she looked like when we met and I imagine her looking like that now.

She's free...finally free.

I want to post her obit and just change names to initials (except I would leave the physician's names), but then I am concerned that if anyone cared to ...they could find the obituary by googling some of the info and then our names and locations would be identifiable anyway. Is that possible? I will most certainly write about her and all that she has meant to me.

I love you my friend.


Chrysalis Angel said...

I'm so sorry for you, Seaspray. You know the relief she must have now. This post is beautifully written. I would think that would make her smile.

There is nothing like the sharing amongst friends. You'll hear her when you need to, in those moments where you would know just what she would say to you for the situation you are in.

A big hug to you, my friend. I'm sorry I didn't know of this sooner when I wrote to you earlier. I would have addressed your loss.

SeaSpray said...

I know you would have. Thank you for your thoughtful words.

TBTAM said...

Oh, my dear, I am so sorry.

John McElveen said...

She lives through your memories and testimony.
Take your time
There is no right or wrong way or formula
If you need us we are here
Know that we are praying with and for you and want to help bear this sorrow along with you
We love and cherish you


SeaSpray said...

Thank you TBTAM...your words are appreciated.

SeaSpray said...

Oh always say the sweetest (or funniest) things. Thank you for your thoughtful words. I am probably going to write a lot about her.

Deb said...

So sorry for your loss.

SnowLite said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SeaSpray said...

Hi Deb...thank you for your kind words.

Colette George said...

you know, through a rather unusual set of circumstances I arrived at your site- not in my usual surfing manner. I had a dream about bruce Springsteen the other evening. It was about decorating, a party, someone ill, and Bruce asking me to stay at the party. It was one of those dreams that just stay with you. So, I googles key words from the dream and wound up here... I feel so much sympathy for your loss. Though we don't know each other, I just wanted to tell you I feel so deeply for you.
Prayer is a powerful thing, and I will pray for you.

SeaSpray said...

Hi Colette-I know what you mean about the dreams that stay with you. I believe we are supposed to learn something from them, change a behavior, adapt plans, be encouraged or warned. I think God can speak to us through our dreams.

Sure there are the nonsensical ones... but then there are the ones that are profound. I have had 6 of them since 1982 or so. I am counting yesterday's dream in the group. For me..they are so in order and clear and memorable... that I woke up only able to think of them.

One was a direct warning for me not to take a certain direction I was heading for in my life. Another was an absolute encouragement dream and gave me hope and peace during a very difficult situation.

And yet another..I believed possibly helped save my husband's life or at the very least..prevented him from getting ill because I acted on the dream.

Yesterday's dream ended up being very encouraging at the end. My mother died recently and she was in the dream... I was trying to get her help. I encountered this stranger along the way... and that short encounter with his beautiful smile gave me peace to know everything was alright. Much longer than I am putting here. the dream impressed me so that I wondered if he perhaps was Jesus or an angel. Of course today..I have been sad all over again.. but I know it is a process.

Thank you so much for your prayers. I agree that there is power in prayer.

Thank you so much for your kindness. :)