Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The Bladder Patrol
I was lying in bed this morning..resisting getting up to go make whizzie winkles. My brain and bladder said go..but my body said NO! So instead of taking 1 minute to do that, I TRIED TO SLEEP, I didn't have quality sleep, but rather began pondering various things all the while increasingly uncomfortable.
This is when a foley catheter would come in handy. :)
Have you ever done that? Do guys do that or does the horse in the bathroom always beckon them in? Those horses in the mens room ..one of life's mysteries.
Anyway... If I manage to actually go back to sleep when this happens..I invariably will have bizarre dreams about peeing in odd places and circumstances and always with an alarming plot. (Amazing how the brain doesn't give up) The last one I had involved me frantically looking for some place to go and people were helping me. Someone found a toilet! I was so happy and quickly used it, except the lid was down and whizzie winkles were warm and going everywhere!
At that point I woke up and shot right into the bathroom!
I think those dreams are nature's emergency alarms, the code blues ( um yellow in whizzie winkle land), air-raids sounded by the bladder patrol for us to wake up NOW or they're letting the flood gates down!
With megaphones in hand ...the bladder patrol shouts "WE REPEAT... SURRENDER YOUR SLEEP... NOW! SURRENDER YOUR SLEEP NOW! OPEN -YOUR -EYES... AND PUT YOUR FEET OVER THE SIDE OF THE BED, GET UP...WALK STRAIGHT INTO THE BATHROOM. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO! THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE...WE REPEAT...THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!"
I have never slept past one of those dreams.
Then the real nightmare begins if the bathroom is occupied! :)