Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Bladder Patrol

The image “http://www.maplegate.info/assets/images/megaphone.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.
I was lying in bed this morning..resisting getting up to go make whizzie winkles. My brain and bladder said go..but my body said NO! So instead of taking 1 minute to do that, I TRIED TO SLEEP, I didn't have quality sleep, but rather began pondering various things all the while increasingly uncomfortable.

This is when a foley catheter would come in handy. :)

Have you ever done that? Do guys do that or does the horse in the bathroom always beckon them in? Those horses in the mens room ..one of life's mysteries.

Anyway... If I manage to actually go back to sleep when this happens..I invariably will have bizarre dreams about peeing in odd places and circumstances and always with an alarming plot. (Amazing how the brain doesn't give up) The last one I had involved me frantically looking for some place to go and people were helping me. Someone found a toilet! I was so happy and quickly used it, except the lid was down and whizzie winkles were warm and going everywhere!

At that point I woke up and shot right into the bathroom!

I think those dreams are nature's emergency alarms, the code blues ( um yellow in whizzie winkle land), air-raids sounded by the bladder patrol for us to wake up NOW or they're letting the flood gates down!

With megaphones in hand ...the bladder patrol shouts "WE REPEAT... SURRENDER YOUR SLEEP... NOW! SURRENDER YOUR SLEEP NOW! OPEN -YOUR -EYES... AND PUT YOUR FEET OVER THE SIDE OF THE BED, GET UP...WALK STRAIGHT INTO THE BATHROOM. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO! THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE...WE REPEAT...THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!"

I have never slept past one of those dreams.

Then the real nightmare begins if the bathroom is occupied! :)

4 comments:

Rositta said...

LOL, you write stuff I think about but wouldn't dare write...my offspring reads my blog. I do that all the time by the way but I can never go back to sleep until I've gone...ciao

SeaSpray said...

I suppose I do push the envelope a bit.I do wonder if men try to hold it and stay in bed like we do? I've never heard my husband say anything about it.

My girlfriend's bathroom is being renovated upstairs and so she has to trek down a long hallway, down to flights of stairs, through the dining room and kitchen into the other hallway to the bathroom. She said by the time she gets there she's awake and stays up.

If I had to do that...I'd have a real emergency because I always wait too long.

Glad you enjoyed it Rositta! :)

Elaine said...

Oh yes, indeed. My dreams always seem to involve being in a lavatory that turns out to be a public place.

And people are always WATCHING!!!

passionstamper said...

oh my...can't count the times on both hands and feet when I was awakened by such dreams-I've literally LEAPED out of bed at the very last possible moment, to avoid that mid-night trek to the bathroom-barely making it with NO SECONDS left to spare! Too many close calls...gotta listen to that still, small, persistent voice when it speaks in the middle of the night!