Wednesday, July 16, 2008

HOLD ON for that Bajingoland procedure! ;)

This really IS turning into the PeaSpray blog! I have so many urology stories swimming in my brain right now. No-o-o...I'm not blocked anymore...the whizzie winkles are getting out via "the mother of all ureteral stents" (TMOAUS) and my other good kidney and ureter. So thank God for them, modern medicine and my urodoc.

I wasn't sure if I should humiliate myself by telling something so personal and EMBARRASSING, you want me too? Well ...o.k....for you..anything! :)

Well before I begin...let us talk about bras...yes.. brassieres, girl restrainer containers..whatever you call them. Bras you say? Yes... bras. C'mon...we all know bras relate to urology and every wanna be urologist starts out with a bras 101 course... except the women because they already know. Fine..I know..there's no correlation between bras and urology... but they do tie into my urology story.

Now I am going to give you more info than you want but ties in to the story. I am a C cup. For some years now they have been making these bras that have a firm shape to them because of the type of padding and sometimes a little extra padding beyond that. They give women added support, pushing the girls upward, filling them out and giving a them a nice shape. (this could be another post about my 1st time with these, but I'll save that) I still prefer just being me. I don't like all the fake feeling stuff... but I have acquiesced and gotten some but don't usually wear them.

When you lie flat...any woman's real breasts will normally spread off to the sides a bit. They definitely don't remain upright like Mt St. Helen's! I vividly remember this Grey's Anatomy scene where Izzy, George and Meredith are all lying on the bed fully clothed and Izzy with her pretty dress on, was wearing one of these bras because her breasts did not change shape and remained straight up.

Another thing is that for the perfect fit with one of these have to go a size up. So that means I am wearing a "D" cup (believe me not normally) when I wear one of these. Are they called sculptured bras? O.k. now on with the post

I went to the urology office on Monday for my follow-up office visit since having TMOAUS put in. (I'll talk about THE BIG ONE in another post.) After my urologist left, his medical assistant came in to help get set up for the procedure...the dreaded urine culture. Well...for me it is... but that's for my NEXT post.

While she was setting up...I had to get nekkid in my southern region. So, then I was sitting up on the exam table waiting for her to finish setting up. She came over to help me get situated for my B.O.D.P.-Bajingoland on display position for the urine culture.

This BODP is so ingrained in me now...that if I haven't done it before leaving the urology office..I feel like something's missing.

So I did the usual lie back, feet up...skootch, skootch, skootch thing and really I have perfected the skootch..I can be right there in a heartbeat. (You all do realize don't you...that I can never put a face to these stories?) But I digress.

So there I am in BODP waiting for the urodoc to come in. She turns do do something behind the curtain for just a second and in the second she turns back to me...I for some reason truly unbeknownst to me... decide to take my hands off the side of the exam table and grab a hold of my girls...and REST my hands there...on-my-GIRLS! And it was comfortable! I didn't even realize I did this until she turned to face me and I saw her eyes glance at my hands on my breasts at which point (in my brain exclaimed "OH NO!" while removing my hands down to my sides so fast you'da thought I burned them on fire.

She didn't say anything...and I didn't say anything and we just talked like everything was normal. I was so EMBARRASSED! I mean really...WHAT did SHE think when she saw me with my hands holding onto my girls??? We were chatting about something but honestly...I was having this whole other dialog in my head with how to explain..but I didn't even know then. "Um it isn't what you think...uh..I never did that before..HONEST... the Percocet made me do it... it's more fun than it looks-I'm kidding!" And I wanted to say something to her after urodoc left but instead I got teary eyed about my urology stuff and we were scrambling for a tissue. And then I got sidetracked and really..what could I say?

It all was about 4 seconds at the most. I think even I would have caught my hands there had it been longer. It's funny how it takes all these words for a little 3 -4 second action. :)

And then my doctor came in and that will be the next post.

So...I have been thinking about this. Why not? I have the time.

1. First of all...I had a Percocet in me. Doesn't that excuse me from all blogger's remorse posts I put up and anything else I do? I'm just sayin..I am somewhat desensitized to things. (I actually don't like the little fog because I feel like my one on one interactions aren't totally connected.)

2. I am not used to that bra when lying down. You know how you hold on to a stick shift or the handle near the roof in a car...sometimes it's just comfortable? Well...they were there...sticking up...and I don't hands just went to rest there. It actually did feel rest seemed so natural and comfortable. But I promise you...I don't grab myself in any other bras or even even without. So this was a totally unnatural phenomenon that seemed so right.

3. I'm NOT used to a D cup!!! So to me..they weren't me. Nor did they feel like me. I really am not all that hard and straight up. Hey... I nursed 2 for 9 months and one for 18 months...need I say more??? So of course it is perfectly logical that I should grab onto such foreign objects to brace myself for the upcoming procedure...they were right there!

I've got nothing else...I really don't know what made me do it.

What? Was I subconsciously thinking this is gonna be one wild ride..I better hold on!? These girls are made for grippin? GEE!!!

It could've been worse urodoc could've walked in at that point. Oh dear God! If he saw that and I saw he saw that ... I swear I would've yanked the Bajingoland cover right off and put it over my face for the rest of the procedure! And it would've gotten real hot under there with the heat radiating from my red face!

(click for larger image)

Who wouldn't think grabbing on to these would steady them on the Bajingoland table??


Elaine said...

Oh, Seaspray, you can make so much hilarity out of a simple little holding of your "girls" for badly needed comfort. Would anyone have noticed if you hadn't been embarrassed and jumped them off???

You really write so well, and I enjoy reading all your posts even although I rarely comment.

Albinoblackbear said...

I think, no matter what you do with your hands, it is hard to look comfortable/at ease in the 'B.D.O.P'. Hilarious story nonetheless.
I really enjoy your blog.

SeaSpray said...

Elaine-thank made my day saying that! Glad you enjoyed it. :)

Oh & she did notice and that's what made me realize what I did. :)

SeaSpray said...

Maybe if we could skootch to the edge of a big soft recliner with comfortable arm rests. Shoot..I might even go to sleep. Urodoc..wake me up when you're done. Nah..too much of a wimpette. ;)

Thank you too Albinoblackbear! I'm glad you enjoy my blog and I appreciate your visits. :)