Saturday, July 19, 2008

I Hate the Pain Scale! -Public Service Announcements

Attention: The pain scale stops at 10

Okay..I do..I hate the pain scale. My old math anxiety starts rising to the surface because it makes me feel like I am taking a test and I have to have the right answer... except... there's a trick question. And so except for before I was "enlightened" by the medblogs... when I used to dramatize the number for emphasis and thinking it was cute...(little did I know)... I am probably underestimating the moderate pain. After pondering this a bit..I've come up with...

SeaSpray's Pain Scale

Kidney stone = 10..I know I'm right.

OFFICE Stent removal = 10... It is by God! And I'm real tempted to give it an 800..I'm just sayin. There are may depend on who is doing it, the size and if it is just YANKED out. I did have a small one yanked out (with Percocet) and it actually felt good..a warm gush and I tried to pee on the urodoc and his medical assistant, but they must have finessed their
"jump back to avoid the pee 101 class" and so I couldn't get them. ;) I couldn't believe it was out!

PUP (Pure Urine Culture) = 6 If it didn't let would be a 10! I guess using that logic..a kidney stone pain that lasted the length of a PUP = 6.

Anything going into my bladder = 6 or up.

Migraine = 7-8

Burn on hand while cooking = 5-6

Hangnail = 3-4

All things dental = 10
Just reading want adds for dental receptionist = 3-4.
Walking through the door in dentist's office = 5-6.

After looking at this pain scale that I found on Nurse K's blog...( which I VERY MUCH appreciate because it gives the best description of the pain scale thus far that I have seen)..I can see that I have misinformed the hospital staff, my urodoc and med blogdom of my actual indwelling stent pain..and mind you it is TMOAUS = the mother of all ureteral stents.

Unless I am having spasms..I have been telling everyone that the pain/discomfort is between 2-4 but you just have to get away from it 24/7. Ummm..n-o-o-o-o-o... it is NOT mild.

My revised pain scale"

Indwelling stent = 4 - 4 3/4 Pain does exacerbate from that at times up to 5-6.
Kidney Spasm = 10

I overdid it in the pool last night and I have been at a 5 7/8 -6 all day... even with Percocet and Tramdl.

Speaking of tests..I also hate the the vision test where you have to read the eye chart on the wall. I will do my darndest to get it right because I don't want to fail anything and so somewhere near the middle..umm..I know this... I do...I see HOUSE! What? No-o-o? It's an H? Well...I WAS close!

Oh and final pain scale assessment:

Hair Cut = 0 If it's a good one.

Hair Cut = 10 If it's a bad one.

I've never done it...but knowing what I know now...I do think it would be funny with serious face to toy with med professionals stating that the pain is a 49 3/4... or 31 ... -5.. just to get the it ever so small or not.

And then smile and say your kidding. Of course not a smooth move if they don't have a sense of humor... but I think most do. :)

Just venting my frustration. I tend to want to be exact with things and so this is ambiguous at best.

P.S. In defense of sincere patients everywhere who exaggerate the pain scale...we really didn't know, nor did we appreciate the gravity of your annoyance with said exaggerations...but then we aren't wearing the scrubs and white coats.

So I have an educate the masses about the pain scale...we should blitz the the WORLD... with public service announcements through all available media. Why with satellite... enlightenment of said pain scale would be instantaneous. Then for the more remote areas..air drops...send those pamphlets into the rain forest, the north pole... the south pole or the Serengeti. There are no boundaries with air born pamphlets!

Let's not forget Oprah, 60 minutes, The view, Hannah Montanna, Sponge Bob, or the State of the Union Presidential Address. The opportunities are endless.

But why stop there? If we indoctrinate the children from birth using songs, Elmo, board games and talking dolls, pajamas and t-shirts... just to name a few things ..why we could eradicate this ignorance in a couple of generations! We could do it I tell ya!!

And coming back to opportunities... I see an exponential growth in the market as unemployment drops, the economy improves, new jobs are created to keep up with the demand for these new products..and so on. This could be big! ;)

P.P.S. Note to all medical professionals...You are my heroes and heroines. You are the ones working so hard on the front lines and in the trenches to help us. I have been tremendously helped in my times of medical need ...something for which I shall always be grateful.

* I hope I haven't offended anyone with my facetiousness. :)


Chrysalis Angel said...
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Chrysalis Angel said...
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SeaSpray said...

Angel-I saw that wonderful comment and I appreciate every wonderful word you said.

It was so on the mark.

I saw it late at night and wanted to respond with more clarity of mind.

thank you for all that you said.

People could learn from what you said.

I hope i didn't offend you by not responding sooner.

it was most insightful. :)

Chrysalis Angel said...

You never offend me, Seaspray. I was a little ticked when I commented. I'll get right on printing up the patient manuals for our education. ;)

SeaSpray said...

That's funny! :)

Anonymous said...

Great post.

I would probably add....crazy lady neighbor (who lives across the street from us) - and dating the single guy (who lives next door to us) - running back and forth taking stuff from his house - and leaving her dogs in HIS backyard...which drives my dog absolutely least!

I would almost rather have a root canal without any pain meds instead of dealing with this crazy chick! :)

therapydoc said...

Very cute.

SnowLite said...
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SeaSpray said...

Remember Kelly-there are NO numbers past 10 on the pain scale.That's why we have to get the public educated-eliminate the miscommunication once and for all! :)

She does sound like a challenge. I know what it is like to have difficult neighbors. We've always had this little dream neighborhood..unique because of its ruralness yet close to things.

We got a couple of neighbors that moved in on one side..that well suffice it to know it doesn't look like a park across the pond anymore. It's not bad but former neighbors kept things really pretty. I would put a shrub border up but I like looking at their pond and the critters that land there.

I hope your new job with the doctor is going well and trust that it is. :)

SeaSpray said...

Thanks Therapy Doc..I'm glad you liked it! :)

Rositta said...

I haven't had to do a pain scale for a long time, not since the fybromyalgia diagnosis. I guess I rate migraines at a 9 minimum and the worst one for me (I've had kidney stones) absolutely had to be the gallbladder, that was a 10+++. Glad your stent s out...ciao

SeaSpray said...

Ya can't have a 10+++ Rositta, Not even one + above 10. Not even a10 .25 of a +. It's just not done that way. But I do hurt like asonovagun.
I kidding around. hence the reason for my post. :)

I'm glad you are better from that. :) stent will be in until August 14th. But thanks just the same. :)

Rositta said...

Sorry, I thought it was out. Must have missed that...the gallbladder is out though and no more pain...ciao

Anonymous said...

I don't know. I think when I had stones I probably told the nurse and doc that my pain was at a 15. It is the most excruciating thing I've ever been through. I would rather go through child birth than stones....

It was the type of pain that just didn't quit no matter what I did!

SeaSpray said...

Now that we are all enlightened we have to keep our pain to a 10. I hear you anonymous!Kidney stone pain is the worst I've all the vomiting. Ugh!

Or a stent removal!