Saturday, July 19, 2008
I Hate the Pain Scale! -Public Service Announcements
Okay..I do..I hate the pain scale. My old math anxiety starts rising to the surface because it makes me feel like I am taking a test and I have to have the right answer... except... there's a trick question. And so except for before I was "enlightened" by the medblogs... when I used to dramatize the number for emphasis and thinking it was cute...(little did I know)... I am probably underestimating the moderate pain. After pondering this a bit..I've come up with...
SeaSpray's Pain Scale
Kidney stone = 10..I know I'm right.
OFFICE Stent removal = 10... It is by God! And I'm real tempted to give it an 800..I'm just sayin. There are exceptions...it may depend on who is doing it, the size and if it is just YANKED out. I did have a small one yanked out (with Percocet) and it actually felt good..a warm gush and I tried to pee on the urodoc and his medical assistant, but they must have finessed their
"jump back to avoid the pee 101 class" and so I couldn't get them. ;) I couldn't believe it was out!
PUP (Pure Urine Culture) = 6 If it didn't let up..it would be a 10! Hmm..so I guess using that logic..a kidney stone pain that lasted the length of a PUP = 6.
Anything going into my bladder = 6 or up.
Migraine = 7-8
Burn on hand while cooking = 5-6
Hangnail = 3-4
All things dental = 10
Just reading want adds for dental receptionist = 3-4.
Walking through the door in dentist's office = 5-6.
After looking at this pain scale that I found on Nurse K's blog...( which I VERY MUCH appreciate because it gives the best description of the pain scale thus far that I have seen)..I can see that I have misinformed the hospital staff, my urodoc and med blogdom of my actual indwelling stent pain..and mind you it is TMOAUS = the mother of all ureteral stents.
Unless I am having spasms..I have been telling everyone that the pain/discomfort is between 2-4 but you just have to get away from it 24/7. Ummm..n-o-o-o-o-o... it is NOT mild.
My revised pain scale"
Indwelling stent = 4 - 4 3/4 Pain does exacerbate from that at times up to 5-6.
Kidney Spasm = 10
I overdid it in the pool last night and I have been at a 5 7/8 -6 all day... even with Percocet and Tramdl.
Speaking of tests..I also hate the the vision test where you have to read the eye chart on the wall. I will do my darndest to get it right because I don't want to fail anything and so somewhere near the middle..umm..I know this... I do...I see it..it...looks..like..a-a-a-a-a HOUSE! What? No-o-o? It's an H? Well...I WAS close!
Oh and final pain scale assessment:
Hair Cut = 0 If it's a good one.
Hair Cut = 10 If it's a bad one.
I've never done it...but knowing what I know now...I do think it would be funny with serious face to toy with med professionals stating that the pain is a 49 3/4... or 31 ... -5.. just to get the reaction..be it ever so small or not.
And then smile and say your kidding. Of course not a smooth move if they don't have a sense of humor... but I think most do. :)
Just venting my frustration. I tend to want to be exact with things and so this is ambiguous at best.
P.S. In defense of sincere patients everywhere who exaggerate the pain scale...we really didn't know, nor did we appreciate the gravity of your annoyance with said exaggerations...but then we aren't wearing the scrubs and white coats.
So I have an idea...to educate the masses about the pain scale...we should blitz the nation..no.. the WORLD... with public service announcements through all available media. Why with satellite... enlightenment of said pain scale would be instantaneous. Then for the more remote areas..air drops...send those pamphlets into the rain forest, the north pole... the south pole or the Serengeti. There are no boundaries with air born pamphlets!
Let's not forget Oprah, 60 minutes, The view, Hannah Montanna, Sponge Bob, or the State of the Union Presidential Address. The opportunities are endless.
But why stop there? If we indoctrinate the children from birth using songs, Elmo, board games and talking dolls, pajamas and t-shirts... just to name a few things ..why we could eradicate this ignorance in a couple of generations! We could do it I tell ya!!
And coming back to opportunities... I see an exponential growth in the market as unemployment drops, the economy improves, new jobs are created to keep up with the demand for these new products..and so on. This could be big! ;)
P.P.S. Note to all medical professionals...You are my heroes and heroines. You are the ones working so hard on the front lines and in the trenches to help us. I have been tremendously helped in my times of medical need ...something for which I shall always be grateful.
* I hope I haven't offended anyone with my facetiousness. :)