No picture necessary...use your own imagination! ;)
(I dedicate this post to Chrysalis Angel and John. ;)
Last week I was admitted post-op after a ureteral stent removal and ended up having an interesting stay overnight. I usually have a difficult time with kidney spasms and being nauseated and it is much easier on my family and me when I am admitted. And there was a question as to whether or not I would be returning to the OR that night... but fortunately I didn't have to and I am now enjoying my new found freedom being stent free!! :)
One thing about a BIG ureteral stent is that it makes an excellent birth control device.
Someone should inform the surgeon General about this.
It works as a birth control device because any activity in Bajingoland will lead to significantly painful bladder spasms. So basically... what you have with said Big stent... is a tool for facilitating ABSTINENCE from any recreational activity in Bajingoland. Suffice it to know...I was stented a l-o-o-o-n-g time. NINE WEEKS!
With that being said... I suppose that is why I was a bit more sensitive to this conversation then I usually may have been. Oh...who am I kidding? I would've been sensitive to it, but now all the more heightened given my circumstances. I was very serious though and I am still confounded by his answers and I still wonder. ??? I was persistent because I kept thinking he didn't understand and therefore was not doing it right and I thought it might be important. If anyone knows which one of us was right...please let me know because I really think my way makes the most sense and would be the most accurate..but then I don't have a license to do this.. so what do I know? :)
Fortunately we weren't making eye contact during this conversation because he was busy entering info into the computer. It was a very matter of fact, naturally flowing conversation in which I quickly became aware of the potential double meaning, was beginning to feel embarrassed ... but I couldn't stop myself. I was wondering if he was picking up on it too and I wanted to say something.. make a joke or something but then I thought better of it because if I said anything and he wasn't thinking what I was thinking (he's a male how could he not?) then what would he think once I said what I was thinking or if he really was thinking what I was thinking and both of us acknowledged said thoughts...then THAT would have been really awkward and so I just continued...but was squirming on the inside.
The following is a conversation I had with the male nurse that just came on at the change of shifts at 7 p.m. : As he was doing what he needed to do, I said said to him "It's not all the way in."
Male nurse "It doesn't have to be all the way in."
"It doesn't have to be all the way in? Oh... I thought it has to be.?"
"No, not all the way."
"I usually guide them to where it really needs to go. With me... you have to go off to the side a bit and then it goes right in. Sometimes they even let me help them push it in. And isn't it warmer the deeper you go??"
"It works just as good there."
"It's really just as good in the OUTER part? Cause I CAN show you where to put it if you wanna do it again.?"
"It works in any part of the ear."
"Oh...I didn't know that."
Maybe he finally inserted "ear" into the conversation because it was sounding weird to him too. The whole conversation was under a minute. As soon as he left I wrote it down because then I was really chuckling over it... but of course I never said a word. And I wondered what my roommate was thinking or if anyone around the corner in the hallway heard us.?
Then at 04:21, this nurse came in to give my roommate, an elderly lady a Motrin. She had never had a Motrin before and so upon seeing the Motrin the patient said: "That's a BIG pill.?? I've never had a pill that BIG."
The male nurse said "It's not the size that counts."
Hearing THAT...I had to IMMEDIATELY bite into the base of my index finger, HARD ...for a few seconds or I would've busted out laughing!
If he knew! :)
I know...bad SeaSpray...BAD! But it was the abstinence I tell ya... so it wasn't SeaSpray's fault!
He was a terrific nurse! Attentive and every bit the professional... and we had a little fun too. :)
He was interested in my playing scrabble with myself (next post), we watched the swimming events and I updated him, had some interesting conversation and even played a joke with the call bell... per my suggestion, with one of the other staff.
Most of the staff I have met at this hospital is stellar and if it wasn't for their upbeat, compassionate and professional attitudes...I'd be feeling more pain and self pity when I am there. Instead..their marvelous attitudes cause me to rise above my problems... unless I am at the 8-9-10 on the pain scale... or extremely scared about prognosis. Then I am more inwardly focused...although I still try to be nice.
*** Medical professionals... your positive attitudes, facial expressions, words and professionalism make a tremendous difference for the better to a sick and emotionally vulnerable patient.
I have been blessed to have the good ones most of the time and I could not imagine going through all that I have without those special health care workers. :)
*** Just in case someone has read this, that later finds out they too may need a ureteral stent, I just want to add that all uereteral stents do not cause the need for abstinence for the purpose of avoiding bladder spasms.. These last two did for me but I had other ones that did not. My last stent was a BIG one and is why it was more difficult this time around.