Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Abstinent too long! ;)

No picture necessary...use your own imagination! ;)

(I dedicate this post to Chrysalis Angel and John. ;)

Last week I was admitted post-op after a ureteral stent removal and ended up having an interesting stay overnight. I usually have a difficult time with kidney spasms and being nauseated and it is much easier on my family and me when I am admitted. And there was a question as to whether or not I would be returning to the OR that night... but fortunately I didn't have to and I am now enjoying my new found freedom being stent free!! :)

One thing about a BIG ureteral stent is that it makes an excellent birth control device.

Someone should inform the surgeon General about this.

It works as a birth control device because any activity in Bajingoland will lead to significantly painful bladder spasms. So basically... what you have with said Big stent... is a tool for facilitating ABSTINENCE from any recreational activity in Bajingoland. Suffice it to know...I was stented a l-o-o-o-n-g time. NINE WEEKS!

With that being said... I suppose that is why I was a bit more sensitive to this conversation then I usually may have been. Oh...who am I kidding? I would've been sensitive to it, but now all the more heightened given my circumstances. I was very serious though and I am still confounded by his answers and I still wonder. ??? I was persistent because I kept thinking he didn't understand and therefore was not doing it right and I thought it might be important. If anyone knows which one of us was right...please let me know because I really think my way makes the most sense and would be the most accurate..but then I don't have a license to do this.. so what do I know? :)

Fortunately we weren't making eye contact during this conversation because he was busy entering info into the computer. It was a very matter of fact, naturally flowing conversation in which I quickly became aware of the potential double meaning, was beginning to feel embarrassed ... but I couldn't stop myself. I was wondering if he was picking up on it too and I wanted to say something.. make a joke or something but then I thought better of it because if I said anything and he wasn't thinking what I was thinking (he's a male how could he not?) then what would he think once I said what I was thinking or if he really was thinking what I was thinking and both of us acknowledged said thoughts...then THAT would have been really awkward and so I just continued...but was squirming on the inside.

The following is a conversation I had with the male nurse that just came on at the change of shifts at 7 p.m. : As he was doing what he needed to do, I said said to him "It's not all the way in."

Male nurse "It doesn't have to be all the way in."

"It doesn't have to be all the way in? Oh... I thought it has to be.?"

"No, not all the way."

"I usually guide them to where it really needs to go. With me... you have to go off to the side a bit and then it goes right in. Sometimes they even let me help them push it in. And isn't it warmer the deeper you go??"

"It works just as good there."

"It's really just as good in the OUTER part? Cause I CAN show you where to put it if you wanna do it again.?"

"It works in any part of the ear."

"Oh...I didn't know that."

Maybe he finally inserted "ear" into the conversation because it was sounding weird to him too. The whole conversation was under a minute. As soon as he left I wrote it down because then I was really chuckling over it... but of course I never said a word. And I wondered what my roommate was thinking or if anyone around the corner in the hallway heard us.?

Then at 04:21, this nurse came in to give my roommate, an elderly lady a Motrin. She had never had a Motrin before and so upon seeing the Motrin the patient said: "That's a BIG pill.?? I've never had a pill that BIG."

The male nurse said "It's not the size that counts."

Hearing THAT...I had to IMMEDIATELY bite into the base of my index finger, HARD ...for a few seconds or I would've busted out laughing!

If he knew! :)

I know...bad SeaSpray...BAD! But it was the abstinence I tell ya... so it wasn't SeaSpray's fault!

He was a terrific nurse! Attentive and every bit the professional... and we had a little fun too. :)
He was interested in my playing scrabble with myself (next post), we watched the swimming events and I updated him, had some interesting conversation and even played a joke with the call bell... per my suggestion, with one of the other staff.

Most of the staff I have met at this hospital is stellar and if it wasn't for their upbeat, compassionate and professional attitudes...I'd be feeling more pain and self pity when I am there. Instead..their marvelous attitudes cause me to rise above my problems... unless I am at the 8-9-10 on the pain scale... or extremely scared about prognosis. Then I am more inwardly focused...although I still try to be nice.

*** Medical professionals... your positive attitudes, facial expressions, words and professionalism make a tremendous difference for the better to a sick and emotionally vulnerable patient.

I have been blessed to have the good ones most of the time and I could not imagine going through all that I have without those special health care workers. :)

Just in case someone has read this, that later finds out they too may need a ureteral stent, I just want to add that all uereteral stents do not cause the need for abstinence for the purpose of avoiding bladder spasms.. These last two did for me but I had other ones that did not. My last stent was a BIG one and is why it was more difficult this time around.


John McElveen said...

I am honored (I think) that Bajingo Land, and the resultant "ear" converstion was dedicated partially to me. I am in hysterics as you knew I would be. And the Motrin- How funny!

Glad your stent- un-stent went well. There will soon be a happy Sea and Mr Sea, I hope he still has the key to Davy Jone's Locker!!!!!and it doesn't clam up! We'll just let the Octopus jole just slide on by, but my oh my I can't for the life of me Let the Red Snapper slide! or, and I'll end on this...
I'd like to be---under the Sea.....LOL!!!!! Beatles of course!


Elaine said...

Oh, it was the EAR!


Glad it is all over.


Chrysalis Angel said...

ahhhhhh....Passionstamper!!!! I can always tell when you aren't watching her!

Seaspray, I don't know how that guy kept a straight face. More importantly..I don't know how your roommate didn't peak around the curtain or end up having to clear their throat a few times.

Chrysalis Angel said...

ps hope you put that energy to good use at home. ;)

SeaSpray said...

John!,Elaine & Chrysalis-u all made me chuckle.Mr Sea was well informed of said locker plans WEEKS before stent was removed! Energy not wasted! ;)

Isn't life just HILARIOUS sometime??

I'm glad you all got a laugh! :)

Yeah... Passionstamper doesn't know about this. ;) She'll be thinking PAT!! But she'll laugh. :)

Lucky girl is at the shore today.

Chrysalis Angel said...

See, I kneeewwww Passionstamper wasn't near by to police you! Hey, Spray..I've just been hired to work in a 7 surgeon office. Yikes!!! If only they were like Sid, probably not very likely.

SeaSpray said...

7 SURGEON OFFICE?!OH WOW!!ANGEL!I'm HAPPY 4 u! INTERESTING no DOUBT! Can u pick up on my enthusiasm for you?? :)

As a nurse or M/A or office til you finish your extra courses? You are gonna be one busy girl. E-mail me and tell me ALL about it and I will live vicariously through you. ;)

Hey..maybe since we were both floundering in our careers(for different reasons) and not getting what we wanted and now YOU are... maybe I'll be next.??

A girl can dream. :)


e-mail me. :)

SeaSpray said...

Surgeon like Sid? With 7 surgeons there's bound to be some good cool ones in the mix. :)

Funny about pS policing me. :)

Chrysalis Angel said...

True about PS policing you. :) :0

Yes, I feel your cheering me on. Thank you for that. I am pretty nervous, hence my being up at this hour. The practice is huge! Two floors, and they are planning on building a new building they have become so big. The employees can't even park in the parking many patients! I will be learning all aspects of the business/practice. These guys (yes, they are all men) are the "It" guys in this area. Anything really bad and you hear these names mentioned. I am going to be with some of the top people in their field. To be honest, I'm scared. I'm honored that they wanted me. I could use a ton of prayers. I don't want to fail at this. I wonder if I'll ever sleep again...

Things will work out for you, Seaspray - when it's time. Your health comes first.

SeaSpray said...

IMPRESSIVE angel! You WANT it-you will be great! I think when we are really hungry for something and willing to give our all for the job..we are the best employees. How many people go to work with a humdrum, don't really care, just give me my paycheck attitude.?

You are conscientious..they are getting a gem in you.

What will you be doing?

I just pray I get through my stuff. I get all excited about working and fall coming and then I remember how I feel and the rock and a hard place I'm in and I get discouraged. I try not to and I usually rise above.

I just wish this would all go away.

It would be fun if you, john and I could work together with your 7 surgeons. :)