Friday, November 28, 2008

Living in Carol of the Bells!... and Reality Check With Mom



The Claymation Carol of the Bells is GREAT! If you didn't already...just turn my music off(In sidebar) by hitting the pause button. I really wish I could just find Christmas music that is mostly bells but have yet to find it.

I feel like I am living in Carol of the Bells! ( I love that song and wish I could find something with just bells) That is the pace of my life right now. There isn't enough time and I am not even working! I have important things to do in any one direction!! I am neglecting things in my personal life because other things take priority. Yes I am blogging at the moment... but that is therapy and it really helps to vent.

I go into the blogasphere and all the stress melts away. It is an ahhhhh.... moment to blog or read them. I am missing reading/commenting on my favorite blogs and will asap.

We are going to try taking in the older cat and are hoping that Bob will not be aggressive with him and that our cat will eventually accept him. he is a very sweet cat.

It is breaking my heart but we are probably going to have to have her other cat brought to the pound tomorrow morning knowing it is probably a death sentence. I have called all around and every no kill shelter is full. No friends or relatives can take her and it is just not doable to have 3 cats and a dog. I don't know how I am going to look at my mother again after this. :( We don't even want 2 cats but are trying to help. A 17 year old cat is certain to be put to sleep.

We need a miracle.

It did not go well bringing Mom out of the rehab yesterday. It was very difficult for her and us.

I realized a lot of things yesterday. I had a reality check. I thought I could saunter in there, whisk her out of there and the joy and excitement would inspire her to try harder in PT and she'd have a grand day too.

It seemed she was barely able to travel and while she sat at the table for the meal...she buried herself under a blanket because she was so cold and was ready to go back to the facility. It is so HOT in her room and the facility is warm that normal temperatures must seem frigid to her.

It was time consuming and difficult to get her to be weight bearing and I realized I could never do this alone. That saddened me greatly because I had high hopes of at least taking her out for lunch or bringing her home a couple of times a week. Instead...it will have to be planned out and I will need assistance.

She also had to get changed again before even leaving the rehab yesterday. It was a production at best. Then younger son and I wheeled her out and brought the walker.

It is a scary thing when you look at a loved one's face...and see that same look you've seen on countless patients who are NOT doing well and are trying to just get by in a situation and to see them so weakened. When you realize that all the things that would've evoked a smile or a response didn't do any of that... that for them...it really was just about collapsing into a chair and maybe dealing with their own realization that they can't do any of the things they thought or hoped they could.

It's scary, it hurts and it's frustrating as hell!

I confess that I may have been harsh at one point and I was intentionally. But I just want to say...there are two dynamics operating here. The first was the denial...which was shattered for good yesterday... I really was the last to see this. And the fear. The fear... causes me to be angry about it... because quite frankly...it all SUCKS big time! I am sorry for being rude with that statement. You are reading raw emotion...for better or worse. I am coming to terms with it all. And let me tell you... I am ashamed to admit... that there were little signs I missed. But now that I look back over this past year... Oh my gosh..how could I? It's not like I wasn't familiar with the elderly population and things that happen. But I really wasn't aware of certain things. The memory things should have been a red flag. But she was having good check ups and when I mentioned things... the doc didn't seem alarmed...until the ED doc this summer first suggested she be in a facility... which I adamantly disagreed with and her doc initially agreed with me. But unbeknownst to either of us...she was spiraling downward. Her labs were good!

Oh... I was harsh when I brought her back. We eventually got her out of the van. But then she stayed frozen in position and wasn't moving her feet back like she needed to to back into the wheelchair.

I did snap ( I should NOT have) "Mom! Your NOT an invalid! I KNOW you can DO this! Physical therapy said they have you walking 150 feet! Now try!" She did and got into the wheel chair!

I am wrestling with the idea that if you don't use it you WILL lose it! BUT... she IS weak! BUT... I know she is in that wheel chair most of the time and is having help with everything. I know she needs help... but that diesn't negate the fact that she isn't moving around enough. She gets stubborn and refuses... which then you can call her mental status into question.

So when we got her into her room...she needed to make the wheel chair switch into her own which is a better one. We got her standing up. I encouraged her and said mom...it's just a few steps and I know you can do this.

I'll be darned! She walked those few steps and got into her chair in no time! We both praised her for that.

And dinner was served.

We had to leave but when I turned back to say bye one more time...she wasn't even looking at us but was looking at the TV, eating her meal and looked as content as a clam on a shell. Well not that I would know a content clam if I saw one but you know what I mean.

So... I know she is where she needs to be. I hope we can still bring her out... especially for Christmas.

I am no longer concerned about her not being able to live independently... I am hoping I still have my mother around for a while.

I can't help wondering if she is losing her will...or does the body just get tired? Or both?

She did comment when she got back to her room, "Well..I don't think I should be leaving here for a while!" is that what she really wants or did she say it for our benefit, seeing how difficult it was. She probably hated the cold.

And was I wrong to be forceful about her not being an invalid? I would NEVER talk to a patient that way!

Now we need to finish the apartment by Sunday night!

I guess I am learning a lot of life lessons in this season of my life. We all are. And it's not like there haven't been other sickly relatives. When it is someone close... it is entirely different. You really do have to walk in the family's shoes to fully understand all the emotions and practicalities that have to be dealt with. Sure you can be empathetic. You intellectually know it is difficult. But I am telling you...when you go through it...I don't even know how to finish the sentence. It is what it is.

We got a lot done today. I came home to get a power nap but then I am going back.

This isn't a news flash or anything...but it hurts so much to go through someone's things and then to throw them out. There are things that could be given away or sold but there just isn't time. To think that someon'e life collections are just tossed... it doesn't seem right. It's like they say... you come into this world with nothing and you leave with nothing.

We can only hope that we will live on in a good way in the hearts of those we loved. That maybe they will have imparted wisdom, love and joy into our spirits and that they are all the better for having known us.

And hopefully we were the same for them. It doesn't always work out that way... but when it does...it is a beautiful thing.

THAT is what is most important in the end.

One of Our Recent Christmas Trees ..Fa la la..la la la

Thursday, November 27, 2008

A Special Blessing


November field

I know I have been venting about my sadness and frustration over this transition of my elderly mother becoming a permanent resident in a long term care facility. I do want to apologize for my negativity. Although... the transition is still in progress and so who knows what else I will say about it... but despite all the tears, uncertainty and sometimes even anger... I do know that I have so much to be grateful for. It would be quite a long list if I were to type it out.


So I am just going to share one very special blessing my family is experiencing.....

My daughter-in-law and son are expecting their second child in May. The baby is due right around Devan's birthday. :)

So we have the joy and anticipation of a precious new little baby coming into our family. :)

I don't know this of course and I don't care...either sex will be a blessing... but I feel like this baby is a boy. Time will tell. :) Actually...they do want to know ahead and so we will probably know pretty soon.

Me... I am an old fashioned girl who likes surprises and I would still wait, but I know most prefer to know so they can plan accordingly.

Either way... I can't wait!!! :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Thanksgiving Pumpkin Cookies

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For starters... I should take a picture of my own cookies this year. :) maybe I will. This is a repeat post from last Thanksgiving, but I am changing a few things in my comments.

Thanksgiving Pumpkin Cookies

(cookies in pic are similar yet different than mine)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees

Cream together: 1 cup shortening, 1 cup brown sugar and 1 cup white sugar

Then add: 1 1/2 Cup of pumpkin and 1 egg (sometimes I add a bit more pumpkin, but not much more) Cream together

In a separate bowl mix together: 2 cups of sifted flour, 1tsp. baking soda, 1/2 tsp. salt and 1tsp. of cinnamon (I like cinnamon so I always add 1 heaping Tbs. instead of the tsp.)


Add dry ingredients to creamed mixture and mix well.

Then add 1 cup each of raisins, walnuts and butterscotch bits

Mix together and drop in tsp. on to cookie sheet. (can do Tbs. and bake longer - adjust time accordingly.)

Bake approximately 10 minutes - ovens vary (Cookies will rise and not spread out far and so you can get a lot on one pan)

While baking - make frosting

Frosting: heat on low - 3 Tbs. butter, 4 tsp. milk and add 1/2 cup of brown sugar. When cooler, add 1 cup of confectionary sugar and 3/4 tsp. vanilla.

Ice cookies while they are warm.

(I add and mix together as soon as everything is melted. Also, sometimes frosting starts to dry by the time ready for last batch and then I just stir in a small amount of milk.)

ENJOY! :)

p.s. I usually "only" make these for Thanksgiving and so they have become a Thanksgiving tradition that everyone looks forward to, which is a good thing since I DON'T do pies! :)

It's time to start baking the Thanksgiving Pumpkin cookies. Since I don't do pies these wonderful cookies have been my special tradition. I ONLY make them for Thanksgiving and once gone that is it, which is what makes them so special...well that and they're good as in decadent good. :) Everyone wants them and they go really fast. I have been making them since 1977 the 1st fall we moved into our house. Once a person stopped my husband when he was out somewhere and said he heard all about these good cookies I made. Evidently my husband's uncle raved about them to this guy. That warmed my heart. :) I never shared the recipe and no one else made them. Then about 5 years ago I brought the cookies up to the hospital and gave the recipe out as the requests came in. Now it's not so secret anymore. :) I think I will break tradition again and make them up until Christmas...I'll see. I will be seeing urodoc in December and plan on continuing my tradition of bringing them these cookies and probably a Christmas basket of food. I have fun bringing the food in my Longaberger baskets because a. I like to use them b. they're convenient c. they make a nice presentation and d. the ladies like the baskets. So it's just fun to do that for them. :)

I will also bring some to Mom's nursing home staff.

I am a little stressed on top of the major stress I am feeling because of all the work in cleaning out and cleaning mom's apartment, the emotions involved, blah, bla, blah...but also I need to bake 3 batches of these cookies for Thanksgiving and a vegetable dish and shop...amidst all of these things and bring Mom from the nursing home (no easy feat there) to the dinner... then that night back to working on her apartment.

And I could've had most of this done but boy did I avoid. Partly because I hoped she could come back and partly because I didn't want to face these things. It didn't work. I've prolonged it all with procrastination. It would've been better to go in like a robot and just make a clean sweep and banish the past once and for all.

Anyway, I love this time of year! All the holidays, getting dark early, cold weather and being cozy. Next week...I can begin to really appreciate it.

Even though there have been some difficult things to deal with this year... I do know that we still have so many things to be thankful for. :)

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!! :)

Monday, November 24, 2008

Birth Pangs to Gin & Tonics... With a Lime Twist!



On a lighter note from what has been going on... I came across our younger son's 1st beach picture. He was 10 months old. He's wearing his little newborn shirt from the hospital gift shop. Awww...this tugs at my heart strings. Bygone days.... she says wistfully... :)

I will say that my mother will be staying in the long term care facility. :( I will talk about it more at another time. Her doctor doesn't know I told her yet and he was going to go along with me and would be evaluating her Friday. But after some things... I decided it is for the best... but it does SUCK (sorry - just upset about it) and today I was on the phone making arrangements to shut things off and finalize everything.

I am panicked about placing the cats in a home. Or we are going to have 2 additional cats living with us, our cat and a German shepherd with a strong prey instinct toward other animals.

It is tortuous to go through her things and decide what has to get tossed...which is most of it. And there is much to do and I admittedly have been PROCRASTINATING!!!!

We will be bringing her out for the 1st time on Thanksgiving. The first excursion out of what I hope will be many more. I am praying it goes well.

My heart is breaking for her and I can't even begin to talk about that now.

I don't want to wish my life away, but I wish it was next week already because then that means it will be a done deal and her apartment will be cleaned out and we can hopefully move on to a better phase in our relationship... and life.

I guess I should look at it like birth pangs. Labor hurts like heck but then you usually move on to something better.

So... we are in a birthing process.

Maybe the reward for our efforts will be a restored relationship with my mother... one that will have a healing closure... for both of us.

Honestly though and I know this makes me seem weak... but I wish I could pretend none of this is happening. Now I know that is a waste of thought and energy. It is what it is and we have to do what we have to do... but you can't blame a girl for wishing.

Next week I will be getting a follow-up MagIII lasix renal scan which will tell us how I am doing since having been stented with a BIG stent this past summer.

I am hoping my friends Passionstamper and Caribbean Blue can go with me. They make it all bearable and then we always follow these things with a nice meal somewhere. All I know is SeaSpray is gonna let her hair down ...just a little... Gin & tonic w/a lime twist.. maybe even 2... or so.... ;)

Saturday, November 22, 2008

SKYRATS WhiteCoat????

http://www.solarnavigator.net/films_movies_actors/cartoons/cartoon_images/finding_nemo_seagulls_sydney_harbour.jpg
WhiteCoat - It would be really funny if THESE birds were right outside your window, particularly because I am guessing your not by the sea. :)

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I never heard THAT term for Sea Gulls before! LOL!

So I am laughing at that and the image of you jumping from the surprise and checking the window. :)

Heck... I am even laughing out loud now as I type this. ..giggle, heaving shoulders ..riotous laughter!!! ;)

Thanks...I needed that! I have been meaning to respond.

Hmmm... not intended... but consider us even for scaring the daylights out of me that time you put that game up that required some kind of concentration... only to be FREAKED OUT by that scary face that popped up!!!
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I am trying to decide whether or not to leave the ocean sounds and music. I LOVE the ocean sounds. I figure people could always turn their sound off.

What do you all really think. Doesn't mean I will listen... but I will take it under advisement. :)
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I will post about some things soon.

I actually wrote a lot but never posted. Pure emotion coming out.

Thanks for asking.

It is a nice feeling to be able to write my feelings out and feel heard.

I do have a good support system and I am grateful for that.

I am grateful for the friendships that have been evolving in the blogasphere and want to say that you all are appreciated too. :)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Butterflies in My Stomach, Questions & Dread in My Brain & Hope in My Heart

http://www.hennydonovanmotif.co.uk/images/oriental-butterflies4.jpg

I leave shortly for the Rehab/Nursing Home meeting I am going in (trying anyway) with a professional attitude. If I can get in that mode, my emotions will be checked at the door so I can think critically.

I did get an amazing phone call last night... some people from my past.

I have to wonder if it was a sign. ?

I hung up in awe of the timing.

It did give me some hope.

Time to be strong.

No tears.

HOPE!

What Could Medicine and Football Have in Common if Played By the Same Rules?

http://weblogs.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/politics/blog/lucy.jpg

For all you sports minded medical people out there... I think you will appreciate Throckmorton's post called "JACHO + HIPPA + ATLA = NONFL". You'll find the answer when you read Throckmorton's post. :)

Monday, November 17, 2008

I'm about to cave and pour my heart out.

Well...it seems I just did ...over at WhiteCoats blog. I didn't intend to, but his funny..yet sad post was all I needed to set the release in motion. There is so much more... but maybe later. In the meantime I recommend his post "Help" for another good laugh... even though it also made me cry.

Hmmm... actually... someone told me once, that no one can make us cry, laugh or be angry. But rather that feelings are just that...feelings. When a situation occurs that evokes such feelings...we choose to have those feelings. No one can make us feel anything.

Interesting thought to ponder.

I would also like to add a link to Dr Rob's current post "When Someone Around You Hurts". We can all benefit from his shared wisdom.

P.S. It helps to hear this wonderful ocean soundtrack that I have set to come on. I find I can write without distraction when it plays. :)

Don't forget...you can click the pause button to stop all soundtracks or music. I know that can be annoying when you just want to read or comment.

I am so loving that the ocean sounds come on when this blog opens. There is even a foghorn in the distance as it continues. Cool sound track. :)

What Do the Words Dick and Deathcon Have to do With Each Other?

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2368/2383325265_c7e97c55ac.jpg?v=0

The picture is your clue.

Life has been so serious for me lately and will be for a while more. I was actually feeling a little down a couple of days ago, until I read one of WhiteCoat's posts, "What NOT to Yell Over the Intercom". His post and the thread of comments cracked me up...EVERY time I read them. LOL!!

The two operative words to look for are "Dick" and "Deathcon"!

H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!!!

This post and the thread of comments is exactly the type of exquisitely funny medblogging that drew me into the blogasphere in the first place.

And that's all I have to say about that. :)

Friday, November 14, 2008

Belated Blogaversary to Me! :)

http://gracemagazine.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/cake2350.jpg

I have had so many things going on lately that I completely forgot that I wanted to put a post up for my 2 year blogaversary... which was yesterday... November 13th.

I wrote my very first post November 13, 2006. For some odd reason...when I tried to comment anonymously it wouldn't work and so I thought I had to start a blog. So I was only goofing around and only wanted a name to sign my comments with, but once I started filling out my profile...I was hooked. Without any resistance whatsoever...I became a full fledged member of the medblogasphere cult. :)

Little did I know how I would fall in love with and become addicted to blogging and the blogasphere. I have thoroughly enjoyed the blogs I've meandered through or hung out at. It's been fun getting to know some of you through your words. And getting to know some of you by your voices too. Thanks to Dr A... I guess I am in that catagory having been a call in blogger on his blogtalk radio when Dr. Sid Schwab was a guest. It was so nice to talk with both of them. And boy was I feeling SHY! :)

Sometimes when I visit a blog... I like to go back to the author's very first post and see how they started out and how they have evolved. With that in mind, the following post is the first one I wrote 2 years ago:

Monday, November 13, 2006

New Blogger and Feeling Shy :)

I am totally new to this blogging thing. Last month while looking up some medical info for myself I inadvertently came accross the Urostream Blog (yes, I was looking up urological info) and then her site led me to GruntDoc, Surgeonsblog, FatDoctor and so many more.
Thanks to my all the way or nothing personality - I injured my neck (cervical fasciitis) do to the fact that I forgot I am not 17 any more and the word moderation didn't ever enter my mind as I dove into the pool at the Y and proceeded to do 4 laps of the front crawl, some breast strokes, side kicks and yes even twirling! Oh and did I say there was no warm - up of any kind and the word exercise wasn't in my vocabulary or that I can totally relate to Garfield the cat? So, after coming home from the Y, I enthusiastically exclaimed to my husband "I feel soooooo good ALL OVER my body!!! The next morning as soon as I sat up in bed I realized I couldn't turn my head left. Fortunately, I already had an appt. with the ortho doc that morning to get clearance from him to use equipment at theY as I was going to join their fitness program. I have a hx of meniscal tears (same knee x2) but thanks to that terrific doctor all is well. So, because I couldn't bare to have my head touch even a pillow, I sat at the computer practically all weekend and THAT is when I became addicted to these medical blogs. I am sure they were therapeutic as laughter is like a medicine for the body. Of course the percocet helped too and thank God for it! Boy did I laugh! Still do as they are most entertaining and the more serious ones are interesting.
Until recently, I worked as a patient access (receptionist and so much more) for an emergency dept. for 20 years in a small Mayberry RFD type hospital. Patients coming in for help from the big city areas often looked concerned as they would say that the hospital looked like a post office, etc. (guess they haven't seen our post offices - not real big here) They would leave with smiles and gratitude and often comment on the good service! I appreciate these blogs so much because I understand what it is like to work with the many unique happennings that go on in an emergency environment, indeed the medical environment! I especially appreciate Dr. Keagirl's Urostream blog because of my own urology issues this year.
So, why am I blogging? Because I want to reply to urosteam's and surgeonsblog and to do that I had to set up my own blog. Well, ok I did get totally in to it and my older son told me last nite that I was turning into a computer nerd! He is a computer networker himself! Need I say more?
I really am shy about this, really.
May anyone reading this have a beautiful day and a wonderful life! :)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Doctor tries cinnamon challenge



I was over at WhiteCoats blog commenting to this post, when I decided to take a look at this Youtube posted in another commentator's comment. WhiteCoat has thoughts of getting some of his coworkers drunk and filming them doing the cinnamon challenge. I'd love to see THAT WhiteCoat! :)

This very funny video looks like it is filmed in the staff lounge and it was hilarious watching this doctor and seeing/hearing the other docs and nurse cracking up. This makes me miss the camaraderie of the ED staff and others who came into the ED area. When it was slow...sometimes you would just get to laughing so hard over things. They were notorious with pranks. :)

I confess that I had to watch some of the other cinnamon challenges and I also thought about trying it. I won't... but it did run through my mind. I must admit... I have the type of personality that will accept a dare and try to prove I CAN do it. :)

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Most Emabrrassing Medical Exam Moment EVER!

http://www.mckinley.uiuc.edu/handouts/gynecological_exam/gyne-3.jpg

I hesitated to put this up because it is so personal and so have kept it in my drafts for a few months. (Ha! I have a lot of potential blogger's remorse posts in my drafts.) Hopefully...this will be a reminder for medical staff in hospitals, clinics and offices to be more careful to protect their patient's privacy.

Years ago... I had the most embarrassing gyn exam I ever had in my entire OBGYN history. This will be one of those cathartic posts for me. I think it will help to release this once and for all. The doctor left the state years ago and I am guessing retired by now.

Maybe it is silly that I still feel the way I do about this, but then again...feelings are just that... feelings and we can't help how they come up... but rather it is what we choose to do with them that makes the difference. I really don't think about this incident..rarely anyway, but I read a post this morning that indirectly reminded me of it as I commented. And so I have decided that perhaps blogging about it will help me to experience a release of sorts.

The very professional and sweet nurse helped me get set up for my yearly pap exam. After I was "in the Bajingoland position" she elevated me somewhat and so I was not lying flat and I could see directly ahead of me. I was draped. But I know the draping doesn't always cover the ciew from the other side of the room. The end of the exam table was directly facing the doorway.

She was short.

Unfortunately for me... as she left the room and opened the door fairly wide (seemed like 10 miles wide to me at that moment) ... a man was being escorted down the hall at the exact same moment the door was opened... and he could see right over her head.

That is what it felt like anyway. I froze in position...literally held my breath and I believe I truly felt what deer caught in headlights must feel. Everything stopped for me... except the opening door and that man in the hallway walking past the door into my exam room.... and THAT seemed like an eternity! I was afraid to move or do say anything that would attract more attention to me. OH my GOD!

I really think he saw me because of the look on his face and the way he was walking down the hall with his head down..the way you would if you were purposely trying NOT too look. So he may have seen me for a split second or not... but I feel like he saw me. The other thing is peripheral vision. I have great peripheral vision and see things off to the side.

I was wearing a bright turquoise dress... that I am sure popped as an attention getter amidst the typically sterile medical environment of a doctor's office and darker hallway. I was under florescent lights! So he had to see something.

I was draped...BUT...he was at a distance and so easily would have been able to see right under there. And even if he didn't... how EMBARRASSING to even be seen in THAT Bajingoland position by anyone but your trusted medical staff... and even then...I think going to the beach would be just a bit more fun. :)

And to further compound the situation...HE LOOKED FAMILIAR! Now maybe he had one of those common faces...but he reminded me of a patient that used to come into the hospital and I had seen at church. I don't know that he was. He was middle aged, blondish/light brown hair and a tad stocky... I guess that could fit a lot of men's descriptions. I wasn't wearing my contacts and so not positive on that.

I was MORTIFIED!

All this transpired over the time it takes to open a door ten miles wide and close it again. So...I know if he saw anything..it was only a second or a few... but I am telling you...it really did feel like forever and in slow motion.

When the nurse came back in... I never said a word to her because I didn't want to cause her to feel bad. When the doctor came in...I didn't say anything to him... because I didn't want to cause a problem.

It was NOT my doctor's fault. And it was an ACCIDENT on the nurse's part. She never knew what she did.

And I didn't tell anyone... not a soul... until two nights later when I remembered the incident and felt so creepy ...that I bolted over to a friend's house and it all poured out and I cried. She would never tell anyone and is why I told her. I wasn't looking to malign anyone, but so very much needed to release my feelings and it helped. And then I told one other close friend who I knew would not ever discuss it with anyone.

I wanted to call back and tell them so it didn't happen to another patient and I admit I didn't because ...like I said... I did not want to make waves. I know shouldn't have waited so long.

But then the next time I saw my doctor... I did nicely tell him what happened. He said "We do our best." I KNEW they did their best... but I needed to hear a "I'm sorry that happened to you." It would have validated my feelings, like I wanted him to understand the severity of how much that bothered me. Instead I felt like it was glossed over.

I have two thoughts about that. The first being that ..he's a man. Maybe that was an apology in his mind... and second...maybe he thought if he used the word sorry..he would be taking responsibility for something he didn't do.

No doubt... if that happened to some women in today's environment... they would be screaming emotional damage/lawsuit... but I was not that girl... woman... or human being... not then.. not now.

I did not blame him. I did not blame the nurse. I KNOW even now... it was an unfortunate accident. I think I conveyed that... I don't remember. I certainly wasn't mad. Just upset. But I also... never let on to him just how much it bothered me. If I had been more explicit about my feelings I think he would have shown more empathy... but I was having a difficult time even bringing it up.

I don't even know if they moved the position of the exam table. I hope so.

And since I told him, at least they might have been a bit more aware of the necessity of checking the hallway before opening a door.

For all I know...that same thing has happened to me before or since then but I was lying flat and so never noticed the hallway when the door was opened. ha! If it did... at least no one could would recognize me in a bajingo lineup!

For all my joking about Bajingoland exams... it is a difficult thing for most women to do. I joke about it because it is my way of releasing the feelings I have had in recent years.. over the frequency of said exams. Fortunately, I AM well taken care of during gynecological and urological exams and they have always helped me to feel as comfortable as one can during such an exam/procedure.

I worked with med professionals for twenty years and so I know full well how hectic things can get in a medical environment. I DO understand.

I hope this post will be a reminder to any medical professionals who may meander through here that they should be aware of the patient's location/presentation and what is behind them and on the other side of the exam room door or hospital curtain before they open it.

I also want to say that I think it is awful that doctors have to work in a climate of being afraid to own up to something because they are opening themselves up to potential liability. I do not blame them because they DO have to protect themselves. I just hate how litigious our society has become.

And maybe you think I was wrong or silly to not tell my doctor right away... but I have been blessed with mostly good doctors in my life and I am someone who goes out of my way to let them know they are appreciated and the last thing I would ever want them to think is that I am criticizing them in any way. I was that way then and still am today... even more so ...because I appreciate so much more. Although... I do believe that having gone through that... I would say something immediately if there were a next time. For one thing... I am sure that nurse would have apologized profusely. I am ashamed to admit it... but I think it would have gone a long way toward helping me put it in the past.

I have always thought it was a good trait that I am protective of other people's feelings... but maybe sometimes...it's not always a good thing because otherwise how do we help or teach where we can and how do we experience what WE need to... if we are not honest about our experiences and resulting feelings? So...my tendency to try to protect other people emotionally (even when I am hurting) may at times actually prevent them from having the opportunity to make improvements where necessary; thus hindering what could otherwise be positive growth forward.

Vindictive

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Here is another Post Secret I found on the web. Germaphobe that I am...this freaks me out that people would be so mean, reckless and disgusting and take their anger out on other people this way. When someone does this...they are no better than the person they are judging. And they are putting them at physical risk to become ill with something.

When you think about it...we live as though we have a lot of trust in our fellow humans. Anyone could do something twisted at any time. Thankfully... most people are playing with a full deck.

People that behave this way will just bring something back on themselves and they will never have true joy and peace in their hearts as long as they have vindictive spirits. Let it go.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Congratulations to President Elect Obama!

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I hope so.

I hope he will accomplish great things. It was exciting to see him walk on stage, realizing the significance of such an historic moment... our first African American president to ever be elected. America has come a long way and is indeed a beacon of light for democracy... "United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation under God, indivisible, With Liberty and Justice for all."

I do hope his becoming president will go a long way in healing the racial divide in this country and that those who would be tempted to say they are oppressed because of their skin color; will now look at President Elect Obama and realize that dreams and visions can come true if you are willing to work for them with determination.

I wish him well and pray that all the voters who elected him are right and that he is indeed "The one" who will affect change in our great country for the better.

I will be relieved to find that I was wrong about him. I sincerely mean that. It is not about being partisan to a political party for me... but who I believe will keep us safe and help us to prosper and guide our nation in the right direction for the good of all mankind.

I Surrender

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Okay, it wasn't Senator McCain who won. I really believed he would pull it off. I have this never say die spirit in me that causes me to see success against all odds. If I believe in someone or something... I think all things are possible... regardless of circumstances. Ha! Some might call that delusional ... but I see that as optimistic and open to the possibilities not readily apparent.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. I am profoundly disappointed.

Admittedly...I am perplexed that I have heard some commentators in one breath say positive things about now president elect Obama, but in the next breath admit we don't know much about him. Even Tom Brokaw on his show mentioned we don't know much about him. That boggles my mind. It really does.

I don't understand. Because of his past associations...he would not pass security clearance to be in the FBI or the CIA and yet he can work in the most important job in the world. I don't understand how that works and maybe someone could graciously explain that to me.

There are many reasons why I backed McCain... but are a moot point now.

I think Senator McCain gave a terrific concession speech and is one for the history books. I respect and admire his call to unity and his sincere willingness to continue to serve his country and President Elect Obama. I believe he was sincere.

C'est la vie.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Overcoming Obstacles...Never Give Up!



Happy has this video up on his site and I just had to put it up over here. The man in this clip is an inspiration! I love that he is encouraging people to not give up in life. Really...if this man can overcome daily challenges that most of us take for granted and maintain a positive attitude, with such determination...well then...how much more are we capable of if we persevere through the trials that come against us?

It is so true..."If at first you don't succeed...try, try again." I have always believed that.

I also appreciate and agree with Happy's political assessment as he relates it to this video.

Play It Like you're Winning...TO THE END!!!

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This has been an amazing political season. It will be an exciting chapter in the history books and just think...we are the generation who had the chance to vote in such a pivotal election. No matter which candidate wins...we are headed for change.

While I was watching "The Amazing Race" reality show Sunday night... it occurred to me that this presidential race is like "The Amazing Race" program because you never know who will win at the end and who will lose.

It does not matter what it looks like.

Teams that are ahead...fall behind and lose.

Conversely...teams in last place win.

I don't think people in first place are usually too smug... but people who are in last place or perceive that they are...get discouraged. It is a very stressful and high pressured game as they have to overcome obstacles or get lost. Something invariably throws them off track.

The successful ones are the ones who never give up, despite all odds seemingly against them.

In this last episode... the 2 frat boys seemed to be in last place and they thought so too, but they played hard and they played to win. And they did not get knocked out of the game.

Never give up!

I respect Senator McCain for never giving up.

I respect him for never giving up as a POW.

I respect him for never giving up even though he has lost campaigns or people told him it was over.

MAC came back!

I respect him for crossing the political aisle in a bipartisan effort because he believed it was the right thing to do, despite the disapproval of his own political party.

And I respect him for the service he has given our great country for most of his life...since he was 17.

Whether you like him or not... his dedication in doing what he believes is right and his determination to see it through... or rally back against all odds... is admirable and worthy of respect.

So...everyone...regardless which candidate you are voting for... don't think it is a done deal and don't give up.. but GO OUT AND VOTE for the man you believe will best serve our country at this time in history.

I happen to still believe that McCain is going to win the presidency. Not because I am an optimist (I am) but because I really believe it. :)

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Not Mellow

My mother fell out of her wheelchair at the nursing home this evening. I happened to call just after it happened and the nurse stated that she was alright... except for her dignity according to my mother.

I have tried...unsuccessfully to call the nurses station for a follow up to see how she is now, but can't get an answer at the nurses station. Can I assume no news is good news?

I have not been there since Tuesday because I have a cold and did not want to bring it in to her or her roommate. I will be going over tomorrow and will keep my distance.

I understand her roommate notifies the nurses when my mother needs assistance and they both look out for their other roommate. I wonder...is my mother capable or just letting the other lady help her.

I wonder how long she would have been on the floor if the roommate didn't walk down and get someone?

On the one hand I feel like I am building a relationship with staff which gives me the sense they are aware and looking out for her and yet... I still have my reservations about her staying there permanently.

Still I often see the phone ringing, the bells going off a long time and no staff to be seen. I have walked to the desk to get something for my mother, looked down both halls and still no staff to be seen. I am sure they must be short staffed.

A neighbor stopped by last night and informed me that her mother had worked there years ago and they were short staffed then. This neighbor suggested another place that I will look into.

And hey...I know the fall could happen anywhere.

I have had my doubts about a long term stay there anyway.

And hopefully it will be a moot point and she will surprise all of us and she will come home.
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So much for mellow. The wine was blech! I'd rather drink Robitussin. I bought it for cooking. I don't know wines and so let the salesperson pick it out... and it was for a recipe and so I should have figured I wouldn't like it.

Who am I kidding anyway? I am not going to be mellow until Wednesday..the day after the election.

And political junkie that I am...I opted to put talking heads on discussing the election instead of watching my programs I saved on Tivo. :)

Foleys, Satire and Quotes

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Here is a post by Charity Doc (ED) called "Tricks of the Trade" which I think is hilarious. I am so glad to be a girl...considering...ahem...I've been foley cathed ..um.. more than once. I have linked to this before but thought I'd put the link up for those who may not have read it yet. LOL!

And maybe guys are different since their package is always out there anyway... but let me tell you... I would be simply MORTIFIED to have all that attention on my sea biscuit... being pulled every which way... and with an audience.

"Um... excuse me... I'm just going to die here and now of mortal embarrassment. What? I can't? Then you don't mind if I just slink down under the sheets to hide my magenta face?" Cya! :)

This next link, "Spreading the Wealth" written by ED doc Scalpel, is a satirical look at what socialized medicine could mean for the patients coming into his emergency room. :)

Monkeygirl shares a funny "Quote of the Night" by an elderly man they are dressing to go back to the nursing home. You never know what someone is going to say. LOL!

Okay...I am admittedly not inspired to do anything but put up links to other medblogger's posts... but they're GOOD! I am however about to have a rare glass of wine. Um... the wine's not rare but it is rare for me to consume said alcoholic beverage and so there is the possibility that I may become unusually inspired after a bit and return to posting as the alcohol goes to my head ... or I may kick back all nice and mellow and watch my 2 saved Grey's Anatomy's and 3 E.R.s that are on TiVo. :)

Crash 'n' Burn - Savage Garden



When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door
And you feel that you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone