Monday, April 13, 2009

Missing My Friend

A year ago tomorrow (April 14th, 2008), one of my closest friends , my mentor passed away. My tears have stopped...but I do miss her so very much. I know she is in a better place... heaven... no doubt teaching and helping others ..just as she always did. And I can imagine her greeting others with warm hugs, her radiant smiles and joyful laughter.

Oh how I would've loved to have her to confide in when these things began with my mother. She understood my relationship with mom and she just always knew what to any situation. And no matter how difficult things sometimes were... we could laugh heartily with the best of em. :) I am again a year later..doing taxes at the last minute and so I thought I would just post this post I wrote about her last year.

She will always be a part of who I am as she has been one of the greatest influences on me in my adult life and I will be forever grateful to her for that. I count myself blessed to have known her and even more so to have been her close friend. :)

She's Finally Free

I apologize for not stopping by to read/comment on my favorite blogs or to respond to the comments left by friends and visitors here. I had been busy compiling tax info and inputting i c when I received a phone call from a friend that one of my closest friends I have ever had had, died on Monday, the 14th.

My heart is broken. She was my friend. She was my mentor. This past March marked our 29th anniversary of being friends. We are all unique. No one will ever take her place. She has her own special place in my heart...from which I will continue to draw on all she has taught me and hopefully to pay it all forward so that others can benefit from her compassion and wisdom as I have. She has been a major influence in my life. I know that I have been able to help others because of what I have learned from her. And she has helped and blessed me tremendously. She would tell you that I did that for her, but the truth is...I always wondered what someone like her saw in me. ? I have so much to say but I can't do it now.

Her death wasn't unexpected... but rather overdue by about 10 years at least if not more. She confounded the doctors by continually rallying back from her illness. I didn't know I was going to take it this hard. I managed not to cry today but my eyes are still really puffy. I can't keep doing this. I have too much to do. Tell that to my heart though. :(

Water Lilies (Agapanthus) | 1960.81
This Water Lilies by Claude Monet is similar to one she gave me. And she gave me a poster in another version of this with more greens in varying tones. I put it on the refrigerator door and so every time I turn around from the reminds me of the pond out back.

Pat was arty and had a a flair for decorating in such a way that it was always beautiful and inviting. Whenever I was in her houses or apartments...I always felt like I wanted to stay forever. I think it was a combination of her beautiful, fun loving spirit and her decorating. She loved flowers and in her latter years, surrounded herself with dried flowers and floral paintings (among other things) to bring the outdoors in to her, since she was mostly bedridden indoors. She loved the vibrant colors and their delicate beauty. The first time I fell in love with Monet's work was when she took me to the Museum of Modern Art in NYC. And Pat never just gave you something. There was always a deeper meaning, the gifts were symbolic of things past, present and future, depending on what was going on at the time she gave you the gift.

Even her obituary was an inspiration because it shows the professional paths she chose, demonstrating that she has helped a lot of people during her life. I love what she said about her sons and how she acknowledged all of her physicians by name and what she said. And I love the picture of her. It is what she looked like when we met and I imagine her looking like that now.

She's free...finally free.

I love you my friend.


Chrysalis Angel said...

I understand the pain you're feeling. I miss my girlfriend that passed away too. A really great girl friend is a blessing to have in your life. I'm sorry for your loss.

SeaSpray said...

Thank you Angel. I am sorry about your girlfriend too. We were blessed to have them in our lives.

And even though we rarely communicate now... I am still grateful for our connection and that we became cyber friends...which was a natural since we are kindred spirits in a lot of ways and where we aren't... LOL ... you help to tone me down... when I need it. :)

Rositta said...

It's hard to loose someone you love. I think of my mom often, she was my best friend and yesterday I lost my mother-in-law who I adored. I'm tired of crying it sometimes seems too much to bear...ciao

SeaSpray said...

Oh Rositta, I am so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. I understand how you feel. I know you were so close to your mom too.

It has been a tough season... losing so many people. Our aunt died a year ago in March and was so sick last Easter with the cancer. An Uncle and a few friends and my doctor. All in a year's time... 6 people have died and 2 the year before.

It does hurt.

I am an up beat person... that has admittedly been feeling challenged to remain so.. with these losses and mom the way she is.

When I was younger..I felt like we all had forever and my husband's family was quite large. But not now.

And my mother is the last of her generation and then it is just my few cousins and me and our kids.

I am afraid to lose my m-i-l and her sisters. She is 79, but does well for her age.

It is a season in life that we must go through and our parents did too.

I miss my aunts and uncles on my side too.

I am an appreciative person but took them all for granted when younger. I guess most young people probably do that... plus you get so busy raising your own children and working.

Life often gets hectic... too hectic when it causes one to mix up their priorities in life.

Please take care Rositta. You sound like you must've been a wonderful d-i-l and a blessing to her.

Chrysalis Angel said...

Rositta, I am so terribly sorry to hear of your loss. I know you are still grieving the loss of your mom and now this. It is so hard when we lose someone we care about. Please feel a big hug from me. I'm sorry I've been out of touch, but it doesn't mean I don't care about you all.

Seaspray, you know I value our cyber friendship as well. Yes, we are very much alike in heart. I'm not always the voice of reason, however. I have plenty of silliness of my own at times. I can often be misunderstood for my fooling around. Remember that one time on Sid's blog when I called our Lord the first surgeon and a bunch of them went on attack? Many others - when they see the icon, think I'm some kind of puritan. I have to laugh. I'm about as live and let live as you come.

Love to you both Rositta and Seaspray. I have valued you both as true friends. Take care.

SeaSpray said...

Hi Angel-no I never knew that about the 1st surgeon in Sid's blog. Some people can get real testy about God issues... particularly the ones in his political blog. But he is testy about God too. Although he recently opened his comment moderation because he liked that we were all being friendly and respectful.

Some people just don't understand and so they make fools of themselves with their nasty comments. But, most people are good..even when disagreeing.

it's nice to be chatting with you again.

and now back to my taxes.

Chrysalis Angel said...

I like Sid. Even though we have differing views, we have had a friendship. We have always been respectful of one another.

I know people can get out of hand. If they are nasty to me - I leave. I don't need that in my life. Some think it's cool to treat others like that. I just find it shows a lack of class.

Glad to be back in touch with you too. I'm so glad your testing has come out so positive. Stay in touch.

SeaSpray said...

Thanks Chrysalis Angel. :)

passionstamper said...

I'm so sorry Seaspray-I know this was a heavy loss for you and didn't realize it was one year already. You don't have to go thru these times alone...with taxes and all too, I know this is a stressful time for you. I'll keep you in my prayers and hope you are feeling better soon. Love you...Pstamper

passionstamper said...

Rositta, I'm sorry for your loss as well. I know this is something we all must face, but it's very painful to lose those we have come to love for so long. May God's peace be with you.

Chrysalis, it's good to hear from you again.

I've been kind of absent myself lately. Our son went into USCG boot camp for two months, then had double hernia surgery and was home for two weeks on sick leave to recuperate. He just went back to Cape May for 2 more weeks of lite duty before he joins his cutter in New Hampshire. We had a big disagreement so Easter was kind of sad around here. So I have been on an emotional roller coaster and out of it myself and haven't been blogging, reading blogs or even working my business! I'm hoping to get back into it again now. To every season, there is a time...the hills and valleys are part of life. We sometimes get stuck in the valleys...and the longer we stay there, the tougher it is to get out and climb up to the mountain top again. That's why it's nice to have cyber friends, as well as real life friends and family who offer a hand and help pull us up on our feet and offer support so we can start climbing upward again.

Wow, sorry to go on and on...

Chrysalis Angel said...

Passionstamper, this is the first I've gotten over here. I see what Seaspray is going through right now, but I wanted to respond to you as well.

I'm sorry to hear of your Easter. It will work itself out in time. I'm sorry it caused pain between you. It was so nice to hear you were back as well, I appreciate the hello. We'll talk more later.

Chrysalis Angel said...


I'm thinking of you too, my friend. We should email more to keep in touch. I know you are hurting too. Loss is pain.