Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Uro Appointment

Tomorrow...I have my uro consult regarding the last renal scan.

I'm nervous.

But I know it will be fine. Well I don't know it will be fine but I think it will be fine. Logically anyway... I am thinking that if there were a problem... they would've called me in sooner. And besides I feel fine. I mean.. sometimes I ache but that goes with the territory...and... MOST of all and I mean like 95% of the time... I feel fine.

Of course the tricky part is that the ureter scarring closed is usually asymptomatic. Oh..there may be symptoms..but very subtle if at all. Unless renal colic...THAT will get your attention! But even that doesn't mean I am blocked again. People do get kidney stones and have free flowing working ureters/plumbing.

And when I was seriously sick the 1st time...I NEVER had any renal colic.

One thing I do know...at least this has been my experience... if you ever get serious..profound chills that cause you to be so cold and shiver/shake so hard that nothing will get you warm and you can't function because you are too busy trying to warm up under layers of blankets and clothing and especially if you have a history of urologic infections... you need to call your physician and then go to the emergency department because odds are that you have a serious infection. But you could also have an infection going on that has nothing to do with urology. I am not talking about the pithy by comparison flu chills... but rather the kind of chills to your bones that cause you to think you might die. Don't mess around and delay treatment if that happens. I did the 1st time and I believe became more ill because of it.

Maybe I shouldn't advise... but that was my experience the 1st time and so when it happened the last time... I knew better. Knowing what I know now (I could write a book! :), that is now one of my criteria for seeking medical attention.

This last time... I did have renal colic 1st..then chills. But the 1st time... the chills came out of nowhere and then I went on a couple of weeks not even realizing I was sick until it hit hard.

So... on the one hand... I try not to be hypervigilant and only want to think good thoughts and believe I am healed, which I usually do ...yet at the same time... I have to pay attention to the subtle changes if any.

So.. back to tomorrows office visit. I am hoping and praying for good news... because I still do not want to have to do the surgery. I keep hoping for total healing.

If I had to be stented... I could deal with that. But I do think I am fine.

I don't know if anyone else ever feels this way... but whenever I have lab tests or any kind of evaluation where I am hoping for a healthy report... I do feel a bit nervous because I just want to hear the good report and then feel flooded with relief. The official..your good to go. :)

And I am very comfortable with my doctor and he always puts me at ease ...but I always feel squirrelly just til I hear the good news.

I guess that is just the way it is in life with anything important. The test grade, approval on the loan, did we get the house, etc., ...all the things we are anxious about... even good things...there is always that little bit of tension until you get the positive answer.
Yesterday...when Mom called ... I thought she was dying. She sounded awful on the phone.

It is so difficult when an Alzheimer patient repeatedly asks for help, but then is unable to articulate what the problem is. She often says "Help me, help me." and it rips my heart out because I am concerned that we may miss something she need relief/help with.

However today... she looked good..tired but alert..eyes opened and talked a bit. She even reached out to hold my hand which warmed my heart while simultaneously being bittersweet as I watched her small bony, frail hand reach over and then clasp mine. That was a special moment.

And tonight...she told me to watch the traffic when I was leaving... just like she always did. I left feeling comforted by the familiar mom I know. Moments in time...ever fleeting.
I know I said I would write a post about what I drank that had my germophobometer gyrating and I will soon. That was a couple of weeks ago and I obviously survived the ordeal. ;)

I've been busy. Also, Easter is coming and I HAVE to do the TAXES. TAXES... are one thing I procrastinate on for sure. I don't know why... because when I actually get everything together and itemized, etc and am entering the info...I think it is fun... especially if the numbers change in our favor. When they don't... ugh! Annoying!

I'll write soon.

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