Wednesday, October 21, 2009
E.O.S. - Exacerbation OF Squirrelly (Also Breathe :)
This is a picture of me tomorrow morning when I run back out and hide from my husband and the surgical staff. If you happen to drive by and notice me... shhhh don't tell! ;)
I don't know if there's an ICD.9 code that specifies squirrelly... but I'm running on internally squirrelly as I type. Heck ...I won't even miss the caffeine in the morning!
Why you ask?
Okay ... well I'm just having a little fun ..venting a bit. :)
Seriously... really ...no big deal ... I know this and I know the drill.
I'm not really afraid ... yeah ..that's it .. I'm not afraid.
Actually ... I do know I've been overreacting a bit. It's just been a long haul ...intermittently with this urology stuff. And I have been doing well and pretty much believe I am healing.
I am only going in for a uro procedure that I believe I have done a gazillion times before ..or something like that and is how I've earned my frequent flier status at the hospital and urodoc's office.
For those of you who have followed my posts the last few years know all about this ... but in a nutshell ... I had a kidney stone back in 2004 that damaged and scarred my ureter at the distal end. The damage is more then a centimeter long , thus more prone to scarring... which has caused a completely constricted ureter ..twice..causing me to be quite ill... the last time being June of 08. I have had a ureteral stent placement multiple times with last summer being the largest one.
I have been advised in the past that I would need a ureteral reconstructive surgery ... a psoas hitch ..but I am not the best candidate for this surgery at this time and would be high risk. So because I would be high risk ... and I basically don't want to die or throw a clot... I have been desperately trying to avoid surgery and hoping and praying that the stenting will have worked.
I am not afraid of surgeries. Well I don't mean to sound like I am lining up to go in the OR with all the anticipation of a good Saturday night movie... especially since I'm out for the whole show. ;) Seriously ... I went in to have my C-sections with mild concern and believed everything would be alright. Same with the knee surgeries. But this one has me stopped in my tracks and I have simultaneously had my life on hold too... more than I needed to ..just my reaction to it all.
I am just not on board with it yet and do not have a green light in my spirit.
So tomorrow ...my urologist will be be scoping and possibly doing work and stenting if needed. I am hopeful that the ureter has remained open this time ...sans scarring. The last stent came out August 14th, 2008. So it's been 14 months.
The longest I went before a relapse was 16 months. The problem is that when the ureter is closing off it is pretty much asymptomatic. This is a good time to see where I am at.
I am encouraged because my last lasix renal scan was good 6 months ago. I don't think I have the odd symptoms that I may have when it closes. It is very difficult to tell... until it is almost closed... and even then I am not sure. You just can't feel the scar tissue building up.
But.. I do think he will probably give me a good report. It's just that uncertainty ..until I hear it.
I mean if he tells me it is staying open ...I am going to be one happy SeaSpray. If it's not ...well then I'll deal with it. So this is where the squirrelly is coming from.
I mentioned I was a frequent flier at the hospital ..well that also means in the OR. I am going to a different place tomorrow and so will have anesthesiologists I've never met. It feels weird and a little disconcerting. I am just so used to the other guys. They always make me laugh.
I am most grateful for my terrific and skilled urologist and know I am in good hands under his care. And most of all ... sometimes I forget and get a bit squirrelly ... but God is in control. Why things work out as they do sometimes... I don't know ... but no matter what... in the end ... things do work out for good. All of this will too. :)
I am trusting whomever I get tomorrow will have gone through anesthesia humor 101 and get me at least smiling. I also hope they warn me just before they put me out. For the 1st time ever last summer... i was just out without anyone telling me and it bothered me. maybe I am being silly ... but I hate losing control ..I really do... I don't care how relaxed the drugs make you. So when you have those last few seconds ... it gives you that last bit of control. That's how I feel anyway.
I liked how in Private Practice last week... the physician asked the woman about to go under about her children. She got a big smile on her face, began naming them and was out. :)
Anyway ... on a lighter note... here is a video of the Laryngospasms singing "Breathe". I love these guys and this song is especially soothing... and of course quite humorous. :)
All prayers and good thoughts welcome. :)