Scrubs: J.D. and the raccoon (36 sec)I guarantee you... I would've acted exactly like JD ...only WORSE!
This is funny and not funny and could've been dangerous ...in terms of dying a most hideous death. (I know..that flare for the dramatic in me is rising up again.) This is actually a continuation of yesterday's joke that backfired ..with a twist ...a raccoon twist.
A little while ago, I heard the car doors close which told me that son and husband had just gotten home. So I decided that this time ...instead of actively leaning against the door so that he can't open it... like I did yesterday ..that I would instead unlock the door and open it as soon as I heard him by the door. I thought I'd make it easy this time and greet him with a welcoming smile. After yesterday..that would've amused him. :)
So, I unlocked the door and stood there waiting for them to come up to the door so I could open it for them, be the greeter ..the hostess with the mostest and all that.
They didn't come in.
Then ...finally ..I heard a noise by the door like he was pulling it open and so I wanted to beat him and I swung the inside door open.
No one was there.
What the heck?
So I quickly closed the door.
I stood there ...waiting ...waiting ..and then I thought I saw a figure go past the sliding door in the back, heading toward the front.. but it was so quick that I wasn't sure.
I continued to stand behind the door. I know the sound of the car doors. You always become attuned the vehicles and subsequent sounds when they come near your home and you most certainly are attuned to the family vehicles and car door sounds. I can even tell you what neighbor is leaving or coming home by the sound of their car or where I hear car doors closing.
Still standing there and I am guessing it was about 5 minutes at that point. Perplexed ..yet determined ..I waited.
Then ... I heard a weird noise. Again...again ......... and again.???
So, I opened the door and there is Christopher holding Sneakers our cat. He was standing to the left of the door. Then my husband walked from around the front of the house with a big garden rake in his hands. ?
As I opened the door Christopher said we have to keep the cat in the house no matter what because there is a raccoon by the house.
It turns out that what I thought was my husband opening the door... was actually a BIG raccoon trying to get into our house! They said when they rounded the corner, they saw him trying to pull our outside door open from the bottom. He had his paws underneath and was tugging at the bottom of the door. Then he growled at them and proceeded to attempt climbing up the door shutter. When that didn't work, he then ran a bit to the left and tried to scale up the brick and when that didn't work he ran further into the bushes...which is why my husband got the rake The noise I heard was him (my husband) trying to get the would be perpetrator ... out of the bushes ..which he did and then it was cornered up against the other door on the patio.
So ..I insisted they come in because raccoons are nocturnal creatures and it is either rabid or has distemper. But J, my husband wanted to go back out and watch him. The raccoon had already left but J saw him and began following him up the road... but at this point the critter was only in the field across the street... but was on the move. Son stayed out front road to greet the police and direct them to his father and the masked bandit... or at least point out the direction they headed off too.
So, I called 911 because I don't even know if there is an animal control person working on a Sunday. Also ... some years back ..the police came at 5 in the afternoon in response to our neighbor...a few doors down reporting a drooling raccoon in their tree. The police officer shot the raccoon. So I figured that is what I should do. Call the police.
The 911 dispatcher called back to say they'd be there any minute (best laid plans) and to tell husband and son to stay away from the animal. I hollered out to tell them what she said and then went back to her and said, "I did..but they got all SNAPPY." She laughed and said that's because they're men. I agreed. :)
By the way if I didn't know better ..I'd think that just like in the old movie "The in Laws" that this masked would be intruder had a partner yelling "SERPENTINE! SERPENTINE!" because of how this critter was crossing back and forth over the road onto the different properties going up the road ...while continually looking back at my husband .. I assume to see if he was still following him. Seriously..in this raccoon's effort to escape, he was using the serpentine maneuver. If he had grenades.. I think he'd of been tossing them back at J. :)
The In Laws - Alan Arkin Peter Falk - Serpentine! Serpentine! (1979) (41 SECONDS)If you never saw this scene.. you must check it out - it's HILARIOUS! :)
Well it wasn't even a couple of minutes when, I called my friend Pstamper to alert her because they have pets too. I also thought the police should know because we have children in the neighborhood. Not that they can do anything if they didn't get it today.. but I thought they should be aware.
By the time the police came ... my husband was halfway up the
road(SERPENTINE! SERPENTINE!) and just as the police got to him, the raccoon ran back across the road... and then into the woods..at which point the officer said "I'm not going in to chase him." J didn't think he would but said that he was hoping he could've been a little sooner so the officer could shoot the raccoon.
Then the officer said .."Oh he probably didn't have to be shot. He was probably scared from someone running a leaf blower." He was a young officer and maybe not too familiar with these things. Or..he didn't want to go in the woods. I know... they have more important things to do. But where that Raccoon went in..if he continues..will bring him right to some neighbors with kids and pets.
First off... I didn't here any leaf blowers. And that would be one mighty scared raccoon to leave his comfy wooded area in broad daylight and then scamper to residential houses and try to break in ..no less.
"Hello 911 - I'd like to report an attempted breaking and entering into our home. Description? Well ..he's wearing a mask .. and is covered in body hair.. um fur all over. Uhhh ..on all fours ..he's maybe a foot tall ..but standing upright..I am sure he's at least 2 feet. Any other distinguishing features? Yes.. yes ..he has rings around his tail..yes officer.. I did say tail. But he got away before I could count them. Oh and black gloves of some sort. When he couldn't get in via the front door ..he tried to scale the house... but not before verbally threatening my husband and son. The last time I saw him he was half running and half waddling ..sort of... up the road SERPENTINE fashion ..with my husband unarmed, in hot pursuit"
Unfortunately for the neighborhood, this masked would be intruder is still at large. I will follow-up with a call tomorrow to see if animal control was contacted. We live in the country and so I am sure this isn't the 1st time a sick wild animal has traversed through our yards before... but it is a bit unnerving to think that he was trying to get in the house.
So..when I heard that noise by the door the first time ... and I opened it thinking it was J, but didn't see anyone there... THAT noise ..was actually the raccoon trying to get in the house.
OMGOSH! Do you have any idea what I would've done if that raccoon ran into this house or worse onto and all over me?!!!! I would've acted EXACTLY like JD when the raccoon landed on him in the shower (see top video) ..only with much more HYSTERIA!!!!!!!!! I'd be so hysterical..the raccoon would get even more hysterical and then so would I and we'd feed off of each other in mass hysteria... and so on.
Thankfully ..he didn't attack my guys either!!
And I can't help chuckling that all because I played that joke with the door on J yesterday .. that in trying to make up for it today ... I got stuck waiting there because of this raccoon. :)
I actually have had the rabies series for a possible bat bite. So..I am not sure.. but I think I would only need a booster shot... unless there is a time frame as with tetanus shots. But J and son would've had to do the whole thing.
The SCARY thing about this is... when you have pets that go outside... if they come in contact with a rabid animal..even though they are vaccinated... the family could still catch the rabies virus if they come in contact with the animal's saliva on their pet's fur. I've seen whole families have to get the rabies series because of that.
J to wiped down both doors real good after soaking them with Windex. Actually during warmer weather... we will sometimes have brown droppings streaking downward on the doors or house and that is from the bats who are catching bugs under the porch lights at night. I don't get all squirrelly about wiping the doors immediately. But this was all fresh and right in front of us.
There are so many wild critters around here that I am sure this raccoon isn't the 1st, nor will he be the last to walk through our properties . I just hope not many more animals will become infected. I am also going to call our vet in the morning as I think they may want to know since they are near by in case other owners may be at risk with their pets. Also..I want to know if there are any precautions we need to take..even though our pets are vaccinated and up to date. We have Mom's cat and never had him get shots because he is an indoor cat.
This evening, I wanted to go out to the store but thought better of it since it was dark. I admittedly was feeling a little afraid since the raccoon seemed to be doubling back in this direction earlier and he had already targeted this house. So ... I figured I'd exit our house with a broom in hand ...and then bring said broom with me into the car ..so that when I got back home... I could protect myself when I got back home ..if need be.
I've decided to wait until the morning. But the whole point of the problem is that this is a nocturnal animal wandering about during the day. I wonder how many times we are outside and these animals are just around the corner? We have a lot of bears that pass through here. Now a rabid bear... that is a scary concept. God forbid!