Thursday, December 3, 2009

I'd RATHER be NAKED and getting a PAP TEST

Steve Martin & John Candy "going the wrong way" highway scene in Planes, Trains and Automobiles. (The highway scene is one of my favorite scenes in movie. Steve Martin having to pry his fingers out of the dash board after having gripped it so hard while experiencing dire fear connects to this post. :)

I was a whirlwind heading out the door this morning, but on my way out the door I stopped and blurted out to Mr SeaSpray who was home today for an early lunch... "I'd RATHER be NAKED and getting a PAP TEST then doing this!! I'd RATHER be doing any thing than this.. well not a stent removal..but definitely NAKED and a PAP TEST!!! I HATE going to the dentist!!!"

Then out I went.

I didn't give him a chance to respond. Not that there is any response.. but I wonder what he thought? Well he knows how much I hate going to see the dentist.

And it wasn't even the dentist. I was only having my check-up and cleaning with the hygienist.

But ..they use those instruments of torture that they probe with and scrape and then the pasty cleaning stuff -procedure tickles. I feel like a Mrs Jeckyl/Hyde in the chair. The perk is the room is decorated for children (Disney always makes me happy :) and there is a big window and so I like being able to see outside, although the windows in the other rooms are much better because you can see pretty fields, birds and the weather.

The entire day of the appointment I have this abject fear building in me until I am at the check out desk.

The worst pain I ever had there was when the dentist while working on a root canal ..hit a nerve. Instant tears and I cried out... and I was really mad at him but didn't let on ..other then maybe the scowl that would've been irrepressible.

I did the exact same thing with my first two ureteral stent removals. Tears an instant reflexive action while simultaneously crying out. I would categorize both the ureteral stent removal and hitting a nerve in a molar at the same pain level... a TEN on the pain scale chart.

The only thing worse .. but would still be a 10 pain..would be to pull the ureteral stent out through the exposed nerve in the tooth. Fortunately ..that won't happen ..I'm just sayin.

My fingers were pressing so hard into the chair arms and she was only taking the x-rays! I'm kidding. :)

But they were pressing really hard into the chair arms when she was probing ..because that's how I handle the mounting fear. I gouge the chair arms. It's like being in a game of Russian Roulette. You never know which probe with that probing instrument of torture thingy.. is going to cause you to want to eject up and out of the seat, right on through the ceiling and through the roof like some cartoon character. Gripping the chair keeps you grounded and yet somehow helps brace against the pain...along with barely breathing as you wait in dreaded anticipation.

I've heard tensing your body makes it worse but I can't exactly do breathing exercises to try to relax and override any uncomfortable sensations. I'd be hyperventilating before she finished and I don't think it will work anyway with that water tool in my mouth ..could get pretty ..WET.

Breathing rhythmically would help though.

As I reclined almost upside down (stent felt good) ..with my eyes closed .. I was thinking that I wished they just gave me that happy gas or whatever they do. Just knock me out completely and they could do whatever they want. heck ..they could hang me upside down from the ceiling and let raccoons lick my face for a prep and I wouldn't care... but this being awake for these dental procedures is just not fun. Novocains don't bother me. It is that awful, really intense tooth stuff they do that is so unnerving pun intended. only hit one sensitive spot... although the water in the cleaning tool was really hot at one point. But then I still had to make it past the dentist who comes in and does his own probing and for some reason is more adept at evoking the extreme responses from me. However he didn't do any of that... maybe because he knew I was coming back. :)

I told him I'd rather be getting a pap and he laughed and said "Not today..we have to schedule that in." LOL!

Unfortunately..I have to go back Tuesday for TWO fillings. How can that be? I use an electronic tooth brush, floss and mouth wash ... oh and never drink soda. I am good about brushing. My cousin says we have soft teeth. I don't know if that is a real dental condition though.

I told him that next week ..I don't care if I have a lot of stuff in my mouth and can't talk ..I want him to give me his opinion about all the politics going on right now. ( We've had some interesting political discussions when time allowed and his political monologue will get my mind of the dental work. :)

Ha! Once I told him "You're LUCKY I didn't BITE you!" He said "That's okay ..I'd bite you back." :)

So..I survived the cleaning appointment .. but Mr SeaSpray actually had to go in and have a tooth pulled tonight. I should say ..Mr SeaSpray ..aka Mr stoic .. who puts me to shame. I enjoyed listening to him talk after coming home. Too funny when all numbed up! :)

I asked how the appointment went..feeling really bad for him. He said "It was nothing. I didn't even know he pulled the tooth out! I told him I didn't know he pulled the tooth out and he (the dentist) said "I didn't know I pulled it out either."

That's funny! :)

* * * I very much appreciate dentists and all the work they do so that we can maintain good dental health, for fixing dental emergencies and so we can have nice teeth. :)


Chrysalis Angel said...

No, soft teeth is a mythological condition.

You say you use mouth wash, does it contain fluoride? If not, get some that does. Even certain adults still need fluoride. It will help strengthen the enamel. Also, make sure to schedule the appt. as soon as you can to have the cavities removed. Leaving decay in the mouth will spread. As soon as all decay is gone. Keep brushing and flossing regularly -brush your teeth and gums at a 45 degree angle gently to remove plague, then be sure to use your fluoride. (just a little friendly suggestion) Not to be substituted for your authentic dental professionals advice, and all those other disclaimers. ;)

SeaSpray said...

Hi Angel -thanks. I am anal retentive dental ..well something like that. She even commented on how white my teeth were. I was blessed with naturally white teeth but prone to cavities.

I have used the crest white strips on occasion but never more than a day or two because I am wary of the bleach process long term. But after being sick ..and drinking so much tea and honey..i had too and thank God for the product. Since then sparingly.

I LOVE,LOVE,LOVE the electronic toothbrush. Pstamper told me about it and I am hooked. I was so used to it that during my stays in the hospital, having to use the toothbrush they supplies..I felt like I was doing manual labor! I will check the mouthwash. I use the Crest Nighttime wash. Not usually in the day though.

She asked if I eat gooey things ..but not normally..rarely actually. They're small.. but still.

I have a friend that had braces when a teenager but has beautiful, strong teeth. She is 55 and has only had TWO cavities in her life!

i have so much mercury in my mouth that it's a conductor for radio signals! ;)

Mom couldn't afford the dentist and so I went 5 years before seeing a dentist 9-14 and so when I moved up here my aunt brought me and most work is from back then.

I love my dentist's sense of humor.

WrightStuff said...

One of my nerves in my teeth died once. They don't go quietly let me tell you... and then you need root canal to get the pesky thing out...

Chrysalis Angel said...

Yes, the electric toothbrushes are excellent. Some people like the strips. If you find they make your teeth sensitive stop using them. They are usually a lower concentration than you will find in dental offices. Use a little baking soda to sparkle them up if you want to.

WrightStuff is right, nerves dying don't go quietly. Get that decay out of there and smile. :)

StorytellERdoc said...

Hey SeaSpray

Another great, funny post. Our dentist had done a year long fellowship in anesthesia so he can consciously sedate people a little more aggressively. None of us have needed that...yet.

Have a great weekend!

SeaSpray said...

Hi Wrightstuff - Welcome! :)

Dental pain is exquisitely painful. You just need one bad experience to set up the dread of it happening again and I've had quite a few..but that nerve..Oh my GOSH!

Thank God these things can be fixed ..but it's the getting there. :)

We are having a FABULOUS snowstorm today and everything looks like a winter wonderland outside. i think it's funny that I was just saying I hope we have a white Christmas. I hope this lasts or we get more. :)

SeaSpray said...

Hi Angel - Per my suggestion,(I was 14) my friend Iris and I would intentionally drop down into the white water if waves broke before getting to us and put our teeth together but open our mouths so all the whitewater could swirl around our teeth and make them brighter.

My theory is that salt whitens teeth and the wave action would make it work better. We did that the entire summer that year. :)

SeaSpray said...

Hi Story - Your input is appreciated ..coming from a writer and all. Sometimes I wonder if I go over board with the humor but they are my favorite posts to write. And ..I seem to have plenty of personal material to work with. :)

Conscious sedation in the dentist's office. Good for the frightened/hurting patient..but I would think not for the dentist..given that patients still feel the pain and cry out maybe more so because inhibitions lowered. Well if anything like having bones reset in ED, etc., those patients really cried out in pain... and then leave with a smile ..clueless of what just happened.

I think it would be *great to not remember the work being done at the dentists office*. :)

I don't even want to work in a dentist's office. the sounds. etc.

You have a great weekend too! :)