Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Fourth Most EmbarASSing Moment!



*For anyone pressed for time ..the funny part (says me) is mostly in the middle of the post ..highlighted in pink. :)

As I was getting ready for my 7-3 shift at the hospital one morning ... a sunny Saturday morning in July to be exact, I could already tell it was going to be another extremely hot and humid day. We had been having a heat wave and that day wasn't going to be any different.

Even though the hospital was air conditioned, it was often still too warm when it got crazy busy with patients. This is because the busier it got- the more I ran around and also because the large ambulance bay doors would be opening up more often. And they were located right next to the Emergency reception area. Right there!

It's also because ..ever since I was 4 years old ..I seem to be affected by the heat more than others as evidenced by the little beads of water that always appear on my face during the dog days of summer. Ha! Or any time it is hotter than Hades ..even if it's in an overheated room in January. I do not tolerate the heat well at all. If you want to break me ..just crank up the heat.

At that time, the ambulatory patients and patients arriving via ambulance came in through the same large doors. Everyone ...patients, employees, visitors either rolled or walked in through that set of doors ..and back out again. And if it was busy, with a long wait time ..then said waiting people ..would continually walk in and out. In and out. Continually...in ....out and back in through those doors, to go smoke outside or do whatever they do when waiting a long time. And every time those large doors opened ... the heat and humidity from outside would also rush inside... then competing with the already over worked air conditioner operating at full blast in the waiting room ..the emergency reception work area.

So, with all this in mind ..I had decided that a dress would be the coolest thing to wear. It was a light summer cotton material. The prettiest shade of pale pink with an additional white pattern running through it. The upper part of the dress was sleeveless, solid white and then it had a matching three quarter sleeve light jacket that went on over my head and crisscrossed in the front..so that it formed a low V neck in the front. I wore a lace camisole underneath on top ..so that the pretty lace showed across the top. And this jacket came just down over my hips.. where it then gathered inward ..landing just below my butt and at the very top of my thighs.

Because I knew it was going to be hot ..and that I could end up feeling quite warm ..I decided not to wear a half slip or any stockings. This was before it became mandatory for women to wear stockings at work. And with light soft pink heels and the dress breezily flared at the bottom... landing about mid shin ...it really did look just fine. I loved that dress. It was light, summery and feminine.

I don't remember anything about that day while working ..other than when it was 3pm and time to punch out. I can still see how the mid afternoon sunlight was streaming through the surrounding windows into the reception area. I grabbed my purse and proceeded to walk across the hall to the ladies room. After tinkling ..I washed up, then freshened my makeup and combed my hair.

I was going to go out looking for a new mattress.

The emergency department had been slow that day. I knew it was quiet inside the ED and so I decided to go chat in the ED office area with the staff for a few minutes. It was just a little room ..right in the middle of the ED. It was literally in between the room with stretchers for patients with general concerns on one side and then on the other side ..was the cardiac room and then the trauma room.

There were three doors into the ED from the hall and a sliding pocket door accessing the ED from our area. The emergency room doc's desk was in the cardiac room and right by door number two ...the middle door. And there was a bathroom directly across from this little office room where the nurses did their charting, etc.

So ...I exited the bathroom and walked down and across the hall entering in through door number two. The doctor was sitting at his desk. I said "Hi.", as I walked past and around him.. making a left which brought me immediately into the to the office area.


A male nurse was sitting in the little room. I was always very fond of and enjoyed working with him. I considered it to be both a blessing and a privilege to work there and with them ..and many of my other co-workers as well. I shall always remember them fondly. :)

I decided to just stand in the door frame of the bathroom across from the male nurse. I noticed there was one patient immediately to my left, in bed 3 ...in the upper ED area, right next to the little room the male nurse was in and that I was standing across from. The patient's curtain was drawn around their bed, but I know they could hear everything.

So ... I told the nurse about my plans to go out shopping for a mattress that afternoon. I wanted to get his opinion. In the mean time ...I looked to my right and noticed that the emergency room supervisor was standing while talking on the phone ...down a ways in the trauma room. She waved at me and so I smiled and waved back. (I always liked and greatly respected her.)

I continued talking with the male nurse.

I had been contemplating getting a water bed and wanted to know if he knew anything about them. I was intrigued at the idea of sleeping on a mattress filled with water. One of my friends had one and I thought it was really neat. But I was concerned with how we would like it in the long term and wondered if it really was as good for your back as the claims that were made about them.

I happened to look down at the trauma room again and the ED supervisor was still standing there ...still talking on the phone. She gave me a big wave ...again ... and so I waved back at her ...again.

The male nurse and I continued talking.

The next thing I knew ...was that the ED supervisor came right up close to me and whispered something in my ear. Too my utter dismay ..she whispered, "Your dress is COMPLETELY up in the back and is CAUGHT underneath your jacket."

Now ...when these kinds of embarrassing moments happen ... you are not supposed to call attention to yourself any more than what has already happened to you. You are supposed to be calm, gracious, and act like nothing happened.

Did I do that?

Oh no ..I did not.

I shrieked in horror and total humiliation! "Oh NO! Aghh! Oh NO!" , while simultaneously backing further into the bathroom. But she stayed right with me and helped me pull it all the way down in the back. I could feel my face instantly turn to a hot flush .. all the more betraying my mortal embarrASSment. I was MORTIFIED!!

The male nurse ...who had been sitting across from me in the little office ...casually chatting about mattresses with me ...just collapsed onto the desk in total and all consuming laughter. His arm literally gave way under him as it slid outward ...totally flat on the desk ...his head collapsed onto his arm ...face down...with his shoulders heaving and body convulsing in debilitating, breath robbing laughter! He was leveled.

That's all I remember for what seemed like an eternity in time. I don't remember the patient in bed to my left and I don't remember what the supervisor did or said after helping me with my dress. And I forgot all about the doctor who had been sitting right there off to my right and just around the corner from us. I had walked past him with my dress all the way up in the back ..and as it turned out it was tucked into the back of my cotton panties.

I forgot all about him ...until I heard him say "I was wondering what that was."

And then another round of debilitating, breath robbing laughter for the male nurse as he again collapsed down onto the desk ...leveled ...just leveled by the hilarity of this.

The reality of what had just happened was playing back in my mind as if I was in a time warp or some other world. I think it's why I don't remember anything else. I was lost in the instant replay in my head, of of what I did and where I had been up to that exquisitely embarrASSing moment.

While still in the ladies room ... in the stall ...I apparently had caught my cotton dress into my cotton panties when I pulled them back up. I then stood at the sink to wash and dry my hands. After that, I freshened my makeup, applied lipstick and brushed my hair. And all the while ..my dress was up in the back. You'd think I would've felt the air on my legs. But it was so warm.

Then ..I walked down and across the hall, into the ED ..right where the doctor was sitting, said "Hi." to him and walked past and *away* from him into the little bathroom. He got an excellent view ... the front and center seat ..the best seat in the house. And the ED supervisor ..of course could see, which explained why she seemed overly friendly ..waving exuberantly and all.

I am near sighted. I never wear my glasses. If I had been wearing my glasses ..I might have noticed the concern on her face. I can see and drive with out them.. but I don't see details. I don't see what's in the picture across the room, someones facial expressions at the end of the grocery aisle ...or the ED supervisor mouthing words to me from 2 rooms away.

I don't remember actually leaving. I know I would've said goodbye. I must've laughed ...eventually. I just remember I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I don't even remember what door I exited out of.

But then the next thing I do remember is that while driving home .. I heard the ED doc's words replay in my head.."I was wondering what that was?"

"That?!", I thought to myself.

"THAT?!"

"THAT was THIGHS DOCTOR! My THIGHS!"

I felt humiliated all over again!

Then ...you know what happened?

I tinkled again at home, freshened up, got a drink of water at the sink and then realized ..I did it AGAIN! I got the stupid dress caught up in my panties AGAIN! I was going to the mall. Can you just imagine some 32 yr old woman walking around the mall with the back of her dress caught up into the back of her panties. Oh my GOSH!

I never ..ever made that mistake again.

And the saving grace ...if you can call it that, was the little jacket covered the top of my dress coming to just below my butt and to the very top of my thighs. However ...since the doctor was sitting and I am tall ..there is a good chance that he saw upwards from where the jacket landed on me. Thank God I've always listened to my mother about wearing clean underwear! Or more importantly ...that I wear it! Could you just imagine otherwise? Perish the thought!

The male nurse and I didn't notice because the front and sides of the dress fell perfectly normal around three quarters of me.

I'd like to think that the ED Doc knew "that" was my "THIGHS", and what he actually meant was that he wondered what I had done with the rest of my dress and why I was walking around with nothing covering me in the back.

I mean come on! My thighs were shapely. They looked like female thighs. Did he not have anatomy 101 in med school? He was a doctor! And he was a man! I'm just sayin.

(I am repeating the following for readers who may not have read about the tissue pieces.)

This was the same doc (one of my all time favorites), who while talking with me on break one afternoon, took a few minutes to tell me "You know ..you have little pieces of tissue stuck all over your face.?" What in the world was he thinking as he spoke with me? This guy had been through the rigors of a surgical residency! He often held life and death in his hands ...yet he had to decide whether or not to tell me I had little pieces of tissue stuck to my face? (It had been another hot day and I had made the mistake of blotting my face with the cheap hospital supplied tissues. The 3 patients I registered didn't tell me either!)

Anyway ..thank God they did not have cameras monitoring in the hospital when the back of my dress was MIA, like they do now! They have the capability of zooming in real close and going to replay ..over and over again if they want to. Talk about entertainment for security or whomever! If that ever happened it would be merciful to let me just die of the humiliation. :)
*******************************************
I ended up buying a water bed. I really wanted to experience the sensation of the swishing free flowing water mattresses ..but I was concerned about leakage ..and possibly having a flood of water in the bedroom. Believe me ..if it would happen to anyone ..it would happen to me.

So I compromised by getting a cylinder water bed. Individual cylinders filled with watter, contained in a hollowed out mattress and then covered with a traditional mattress that still allowed the feel of the water and still made splashy sounds. I liked the splashy sounds. And then I got pregnant with our second son 6 months later. Let me tell you ...it is not easy getting out of a water bed when you are full term pregnant. I did have a technique that worked though. :)

So now you know the fourth most embarrassing incident in my life. The third most embarrassing moment in my life was when I lost my bathing suit top in the ocean.

I can't tell you the second and first most embarrassing moments in my life.

Well ..I could tell you the first half of the second most embarrassing moment ..but never the second part and never anything about the first embarrassing moment in my life. My blogometer stats would be gyrating around and around if I posted on that. :)

2 comments:

Lockup Doc said...

SeaSpray--now THAT's a funny story! It's a good thing that didn't happen today--it'd go viral on YouTube if the cameras had captured it.

SeaSpray said...

Oh my GOSH ..Isn't THAT the truth! :)

Glad you liked it. All true. Mortifying at the time ..Hilarious to me now. ha ha and hilarious to them then. :)