Monday, September 27, 2010

Not in My Bed!



That could've been ME this morning.

Thankfully a tarantula wasn't on my face.

Thankfully Harry wasn't in my bed.

If Harry was in my bed ...I'd have some splainin to do!

Furthermore ...if Harry was in my bed ...I'd be screaming just as if a tarantula was on my face.

And if Harry was in my bed ...not only would I be screaming as if a tarantula was on my face ...but I too would be looking for the crowbar. Or should I say "a" crowbar? Because "the" crowbar seems to indicate that we always have a crowbar by the bed. Now we have a lot of things I could tell you about that are near our bed... but "a" crowbar is not one of them.

But I could cream Harry with beauty cream jars, spritz him with perfume or use my hair scrunchies like a sling shot ... pelting him with tubes of lipstick. I could tie him up with stockings and bash him with books. I could ...wait ..this post isn't about Harry in my bed.

And it's not about a tarantula.

It's about my new found, hopefully short lived arch nemesis.

Ugh!

As I was about to make the bed (I had just gotten out of it a minute before) and so flipped the sheet back and to my horror there was this big, hairyish muscular spider ...right there ..right in the middle of the bed ...which meant it was in bed ..under the sheets with me and near or on my skin while I was sleeping. SHUDDER! Ugh!

So I froze.

The spider froze.

I stared.

It stared.

In my frozen, staring state ..I was also calculating my options.

I am sure the spider was doing the same.

So ...I decided to fake him or her out by remaining in my frozen ..staring state, while simultaneously ... slowly reaching off to the side behind me for tissues ..a wad of them ... pulling out one out after the other and then ever so slowly ... allow my tissue stuffed hand to descend over the spider ..stopping at about 6 inches away.

I had to pause to gather the necessary courage for going in ...knowing that the timing, accuracy and strength of impact of the sudden strike is key. Inhale... "Got em! Oh no! He's getting away! ha! I Got him!" I then squeezed the tissue to be sure and when I opened it, he popped out ...slightly bent in what I assume was defense mode ...AND ...he shot down away from my raised right hand on an instantly spun web (like Spiderman from building to building), in one swift descent ..landed *IN* the open palm of my left hand ...at which point I SCREAMED and flicked it off of me. SHUDDER!

And now ....I have no idea where that darn spider is.

Did it really liked being under the warm sheets?

Will it crawl across our (Not Harry - but Mr SeaSpray) faces or other body parts ...just randomly walk around ...doing whatever it is that spiders do in the middle of the night?

And do spiders have memories?

Just wondering.

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