Friday, September 10, 2010

Whizzie Winkles on Fire - SeaSpray's Heart Thoughts

I will N-E-V-E-R ...E-V-E-R do this AGAIN! NEVER!

And so what is the diagnosis for flaming whizzie winkles?

I'll give you a hint.

Whizzie Winkles is one of many euphemism used in the sitcom Scrubs.

Whizzie winkles = urine Hilarious!

Yep! This is gonna be another urology post. And to think I was gonna tell you about eating worms Saturday night. It'll keep.

And I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things to have to deal with this. But the post is actually about something even more important.

I am in whizzie winkle AGONY right now ..all because I did not do what I suspected I had to do last Sunday ...6 days ago. I knew better.

Here's the thing ..and I know it was dumb.

I have a small ureteral stent in me right now. Been there ..done that. I have experience with all sizes and have routines for how to tolerate them in my body. Always with Detrol LA. Always with pyridium and usually with a pain med more or lesser degrees ..depending on the stent.

This stent ? This stent I should be breezing by with least that is the impression I have from the docs. I had a small one once and they are definitely easier. And I had the mother of all ureteral stents during summer 2008.

Well suffice it to know that I have been in such agony this week ..even with all 3 meds in my body ..that it has trumped the *BIG* stent of 08!

It started last Sunday and every day worse than the day before. I've been waking up in pain. Pain all day. RELENTLESS bladder spasms that don't let up but exacerbate to a higher level periodically throughout day and night. One wave after the other. Affecting other close together areas of my body ..causing even more pain. Also ..low back pain, nausea and feeling pulling in low abdomen/pelvic area. And STILL I did not call. And the burning and frequent urination.

It has ruined my week. I have not been active at all. I did go to church Wednesday night and visit with friends after. The big ice cold beer friend's husband gave me actually helped a little. I've heard alcohol can be an irritant to the bladder ..but it helped or I would not have been able to stay without the meds in me that had lapsed.

I really have not wanted to be vertical on my feet all week ...and so had a wasted week of doing practically nothing. I should've called urodoc's office on Tuesday.

I figured I had a UTI (urinary tract infection). But I didn't call for two reasons. Flawed reasoning and I knew it. Fear ... can make a person do dumb things and I admittedly succumbed to it.

First ..I wanted to be sure. I did not want to go in ..waste their time and have it turn out to be nothing.

But the second reason at the crux of my delaying. I did not want to do anything that could rock the boat and cause me to have to have the reconstructive ureteral surgery any earlier than I have to and even though some people think I am stalling ...and in my heart of hearts ..since I have to do it ..I do not want to do the surgery until January-February. I have my reasons and they are important to me. I just want to get to that point and then I will do what I have to do.

So ...I suffered ..wanting to be sure I had to call. But ..gee misery and pain 24/7 should've been the big tip off. And so finally ...I caved late yesterday afternoon and the office called for me to come in to see them today. I did not have the energy to do it and wished I could've just been beamed onto the exam table ..bypass driving, signing in, etc ..just beam me from being on the phone with the receptionist to the table and then beam me back home again. Unfortunately ...I had to do it the traditional way and go get the prescription too.

A big tip off to how bad I was feeling ... I did not want to talk with any staff. I LOVE the reception staff there and am always chatty. This was the first time ever I spoke with minimal words. That just does not happen with me when I am there. Ha! I talk and laugh with them coming in and going out. All I wanted to do was give my urine sample to the clinic staff.

matter of fact ...I was more chatty with the hospital staff in between vomiting at the hospital then I was in the office today.

So ..I've learned something new about how to determine a pain level or sickness in me. I have always said that if I don't put makeup on ..worry ..something is REALLY wrong. I remember Dr Sid Schwab, a blogging surgeon said that he used to look for the lipstick sign in his female patients. He knew they were feeling better when he saw they had put their lipstick on. That would be me. And I will still do it even when I feel bad.

But after today ..I realize ..if I stop talking and being friendly and isolate ... then I am hurting. Now I feel kind of bad ..but I am sure they understand.

However ..once on the clinic side ..I had a mini meltdown with the nurse and then the new urodoc I met for the first time. And it all poured out. Talk about first impressions. I said hi and was shaking his hand as the tears were streaming down my face. "Hi ..I am really an upbeat person.", I said ..wanting him to know that wasn't my norm. later after through most of it I said and maybe some of the tears are just my peri-menopausal hormones and he said they could be.

Yeah ..that's it ..I'll hide behind peri-menopuasal hormones ... and not the abject fear about the surgery. :)

So turns out I do have a UTI. I was actually relieved to hear it. And so I really should've called them on Tuesday.

But then he had to do a PUP. Oh great! I hate PUPS! Oh the procedure really isn't called a PUP. I can never remember that it is a procedure for getting a urine culture... in which they siphon it directly from your bladder. So I always think of it as Pure Urine Procedure ...with the acronym for it being a PUP. :)

I missed not having my regular urodoc because he is used to me and my wimpette ways and so I had to explain some concerns to him. He was very patient and sweet. That helped.

So ..I hope that I don't have a worse infection and that the stent is not affected.

And I just want to say ..that anytime a person thinks they have something physically wrong ...they absolutely should not waste time and should schedule to see the appropriate medical professional. because if you delay ...a problem that would normally be simple to correct ...could exacerbate into something more troublesome and difficult to correct.

I actually wrestled with that during the week. But I let fear ... trump my common sense.

No matter what ...I will never do that again.

And even if it turned out to be nothing urologist has always told me to call with any concerns. I know this. I didn't want to be a bother ...and I didn't want to possibly hear ..I have to do the surgery now... right now.

There was an incident in which my mother almost died because she refused to let me take her to the doctor and I listened to her against my better judgment. I will post about that sometime. But it would seem that the apple doesn't fall that far from the tree after all.

So ...don't do as I do ..but do as I say.

In the previous post ...I linked to a post over in the Positive Medical Blog in which I discuss my urologic history and my concerns. Yesterday ..Dr Deb commented in this blog, "My heart goes out to you for such a brave post" , in reference to that post.

I actually felt good when I read her words. She validated my feelings. Sometimes ..when I write ...because I discuss my uro experiences ...particularly now being open about my having been fearful of the impending urology surgery ...I worry that people think I am weak or shallow or oblivious to the more serious pain or medical issues that other people have and many are definitely more stoic than I am this point. But I really am a strong person and have often been the go-to person for others. I want to be the model patient ...brave and stoic person.

I will be.

I never intend to come across as poor me. The woe is me type. *I really am upbeat!* But unfortunately ...this is my path in life right now personal medical journey. I know it could be worse. I am grateful it is not. I initially began this blog while relatively new with the urology concerns. I have used writing and this blog as a tool for coping with my feelings about it all. Along the way ..I have made wonderful friends and gained new insights and reassurances because of them. I am grateful for this outlet in which to vent my feelings about it all. And sometimes wacky Bajingoland posts or urine posts or whatever ...well they are just a way to channel my anxiety over all the exams, procedures, stents and whatever else comes up. If you don't laugh cry. I am happiest writing from a humorous perspective.

Laughter is healing.

I really believed I was healed. I wanted so much to be know. And now ..I have to plan for the inevitable. I will be doing a 180 in attitude. I will. That being said ...right now ..I have tears in my eyes as I share these feelings. I had tears in my eyes as I lay in bed this morning ...contemplating the surgery ...random surgical thoughts about what will happen in the op ...getting through it all and to the other side ..done with it all ..once and for all.

My tears betray me.

Darn peri-menopausal hormones! :)

Oh ...not that I'm tenacious or anything ...but I'd even be happy if when the docs open me up ..they see a new ureter miraculously in there ..replacing the damaged one. I'm just saying. :)


Dr Synonymous said...

Helpful post for many people. You're too tough and your mind is very sharp. The body, though, isn't quite as resilient, but under-informs the brain as to the risks vs benefits of waiting vs acting on the symptoms.
You end up in a ping pong match between body, mind and brain. The mirror sometimes becomes the tie breaker, other times the heart knows best.
Your humanity could also rise up and erase the concept of "good patient, bad patient". You may wish to trade it for "good human, good human", since you are and it comes through. You care. Thank you.

SeaSpray said...

Hi Dr Synonymous - thank you so very much for your both thoughtful and insightful comment. It was a blessing for me to read this morning. :)

"the risks vs benefits of waiting vs acting on the symptoms."

I never thought of it like that.

I you and the world know ..have this one track mind ..not until early winter.

But ..I really do have things to prepare and do. And even tho I had all this time that I knew it was a possibility ..I did not (until recently) get serious about losing weight.

But ..I am pondering your entire comment. I tend to be hard on myself.

Thank you for your kind words. They were like a healing balm to my spirit. Sounds dramatic I know ..but I guess I am feeling dramatic these days. :)

Chrysalis Angel said...

Oh, Sea...sometimes we hurt ourselves trying so hard to be a "good patient." I'm glad you finally called them and got in there. No more of that!

You aren't a wimp. I don't know anyone that would want to go through all that you have. Stop trying to compare your ice water to another's. Ice water is Ice water it's all just as cold when you are the one moving through it.

SeaSpray said...

Thanks Angel - I do know better, but something deep down causes me to not want to rock the boat. I think it is a reflection of past experiences that have nothing to do with medicine.

I really like the ice water analogy.

Thank you for sharing your insights and support. :)