Saturday, December 4, 2010
The Honeymoon is Over!
You haven't lived until you've pulled something out of your dog's butt. Yes ..I said that. I'll come back to it.
Suffice it to know that our sweet puppy ...as amazing as she is ... crossed the line when she chewed up my prescription glasses this morning! (I had left them on the end table next to the sofa in the family room) No ..I didn't yell at her because we didn't catch her in the act and I've heard that dogs don't know why you are upset because they quickly forget what they did wrong. To make the connection ..your reprimand has to be within seconds of the undesired act.
Oh and the sofa ..specifically the love seat ...last night she chewed the foam stuffing out of a section on the foot rest part. Why??? I stuffed it back in. I don't know how to repair it though. :(
I have come to terms with the fact that her main mission in life ...next to playing with anything and everything (which we love about her - her antics are hilarious) ..is to secure the cat food any way she can. She is relentless. She's cunning. She lies in wait for the very second we are distracted ..and then with lightening speed ...comes in for the inhale.
We probably should not laugh when she comes out with one of our shoes. And I probably should not have given back Mr SeaSpray's chewed up slipper for her to totally annihilate. She has a chew bone and several toys. What is it about the shoes?
But I have to tell you ...that I draw the line at canine roto rooter service after having to pull a stream of paper towels out of her butt last night! The honeymoon was on shaky ground right then.
But this morning ...let me tell you ...the glasses ...finalized it.
Son brought them to me. I exclaimed "OH NO!" Then I just stared at them in disbelief before I even reached out for them.
Son remained silent.
I looked up at him and back at the glasses. I took them into my hands ...still in disbelief. She even chewed the part that goes over the ears. But one side wasn't good enough. No ... evidently, she's an equal opportunity chewer. One side still had the curve for over the ear...although chewed down to the bare metal. The other side was mangled kind of straight.
The lenses had scratches and what I thought were droplets of spit.
Son still silent ...not saying a word.
In utter frustration ... I looked into the family room to see where the chewing canine machine was and of course was nowhere to be seen. I looked back at son ...opened my mouth to say something ...anything ..but I was speechless and just looked back down at the glasses.
Then I put them on ...just in case I could still use them at home. I looked up at son ..trying to see him through the destruction
Then... son LAUGHED!
It was like looking at a windshield covered with raindrops.
And there were sharp ..tiny sharp pieces of plastic poking the top of my ears ...and they were sitting all kinds of crooked. I took them off ..trying to straighten them a little more.
Then I turned toward the sink and thought maybe washing them would help.
Suffice it to know that those little raindrops that I erroneously thought were saliva ...were actually all her little tooth marks all over the lenses. She also cracked the upper corner where it fastened to the frame.
The glasses are NOT ..I repeat NOT salvageable!
I would've tried to wear them for TV though. Not gonna happen.
Thankfully ...I still have my prescription sunglasses. Oh ..you'll recognize me on the road at night as the lady who drives at night while wearing her SUNGLASSES!
Lucky for me, the only time I use them is for TV and driving. Lucky for her too!
Oh and back to the paper towel, grossest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life moment and it was freezing outside!
It was like we were a magic act and I was the magician pulling all the scarves out of the sleeve ...except it was my dog's BUTT! If only I had white gloves ...or could've made it all disappear. We were under the back yard spotlight. I wonder if any neighbors saw us?
I have learned that no one wants to see anything hanging out of their dog's butt.
This will be with me for a long time.
It is also going to make me hypervigilant with ...EVERYTHING! I thought I already was ...but apparently not. All day today ...like a new mother listening for every sound ...I've been on alert. Just now ..as I am typing ..I heard her mouthing something, called her over and she just dropped the wrapper from a roll of toilet paper, Q-tip and a cotton ball. She's got me so that I can hear the sound of her swallowing *saliva* 2 rooms away. I should sanitize this keyboard after extricating things from her mouth all day. And I've become quite proficient at the finger sweep in the back of the throat. Seriously!
Back to her BUTT. It was a stream of paper towels that I had left all connected. I know exactly what they were from. Wednesday night, after making the Turkey soup ...I took a bunch of paper towels and sopped up the remaining broth that was on the turkey platter. Then ...I discarded them, but forgot to close it back up because I went on to something else.
She is stealthy too. I was right there!
Thank God she didn't get an obstruction(why not?) and have to go to the vet for surgery ...or *I* would be in the dog house with Mr SeaSpray. (Remember - he told me NOT to bring a dog home? It doesn't matter that he loves her too. You know ..how when the kids are bad ..suddenly ..YOU are the ONLY parent because YOU conceived them ...even if you're a man ...through the immaculate conception or whatever and they are YOURS and only YOURS? YOUR son.. YOUR daughter. It would be "YOUR dog." Love has nothing to do with it. :)
I have never experienced a chewer like this. NEVER! And we've raised 3 smaller puppies and had 2 other adult dogs. I still want to get gates to close her off when we leave, but I am afraid we'll come home to massive chewed destruction. I think I'm gonna be dreaming about this stuff. She is getting *ME* trained!
Is this a phase? Tell it to me straight.
We really love her and are spoiling her so much. Lucky for her ..she has endeared herself to all of us. You'd fall for her too. :)
I was going to keep her on leash for 3 weeks as part of her training in the house because it teaches them to look to you for everything. We learned that from a personal dog trainer that we brought in for Bob because he was a very domineering, strong willed dog when he was a teenager. All of our other dogs were easy to train ..but Bob was strong willed. Keeping them with you or someone else in the house or crate them when you absolutely can't keep them at your side works so well. We became the alpha dogs and he looked to our every move. They are with you everywhere you go. For three weeks, they sit when you sit, etc and it teaches them to look to you and your every move. I started with her, but she chewed the leash. That's not why I stopped though. I stopped because she is actually very obedient and does listen and is well behaved.
But apparently not when out of site ...with the chewing. She even took an earring off my vanity. Little tiny dangling Christmas wreaths. I found the one by my computer desk, on the floor. I can't FIND the other one. ???
And I am wondering what else has gone MIA that I don't know about?
For peace of mind, I am thinking that we need to contact the TSA and see if we can get one of those airport scanners ...as a loaner ..just until she gets through this phase.
"What? Can't find your keys, my jewelery, the cat, or the door to the bedroom? Going crazee looking for something?
Scan the dog!"
And we have the Christmas tree ... sitting in a bucket of ice ...that in my perfect world will go up in the stand tomorrow night. Hundreds of ornaments ... all those dangling ornaments.
Fa-a-a la la la la la l-a-a-a .....