Tuesday, May 24, 2011

BIG Deal!!!!


I guarantee you ..."Pregnancy test" are 2 words no woman wants to hear after they've thought the Cotton Pony had made her last ride into town. "Pregnancy test" are 2 words no woman wants to hear after they've told their significant other, actually promised ...and signed in blood ...kind of told ...their significant other ...that they cannot possibly get pregnant.

"Pregnancy test" are 2 words no woman wants to hear after she's had her yearly gyne appointment.

"Pregnancy test" are 2 words no woman wants to hear after she had a pelvic ultrasound the week before and said ultrasound had nothing to do with PREGNANT.

I was 99% confident that my gyne tests would come back normal. My sense was that it was more of a ...everything is most likely normal ...but lets just rule everything out ... kind of purpose in testing. That was my take on it. Okay ...I felt a little anxiety when I tried to read the tech's expressions and get her to at least give me a things look good response. (Some do) But ...that passed because I just felt all was well and the Cotton Pony is as sentimental as I am and just taking a few last runs through town before her final "Adieu." :)

So, yesterday ...even tho I was calm about test results ...I did have a building anxiety over the biopsy my gynedoc would be doing. As a matter of fact ...I decided that since my tests were probably normal ...perhaps I wouldn't need to have the biopsy after all. Made sense to this SeaSpray.

I did have that procedure done as part of an infertility work up when I was 24. I'm happy to say, I did have 2 sons since then. :) Anyway, my memory of of that procedure is uneventful. I can still picture the way the evening light was coming into the exam room ...the light coming in from behind my head and that I was wearing a pretty floral summer skirt and was tan. I remember everything about that evening. You don't forget a biopsy moment. And I remember it as a little pinch ...no big deal.

That being said ...I still wanted to avoid it if possible. It was the first thing I suggested to the nurse after we entered the exam room. She of course said I should still get undressed and that I could run it by the gynedoc. I of course thought, "Sure I'll get undressed and be that much closer to having the procedure done because if I'm nekkid south of the border, sitting on the paper with the pretty little pastel floral gown draped over me ...he's not cancelling the procedure." I resigned myself to the fact I was having it. But ...I was still gonna run my idea past him ..nothing ventured ..nothing gained. And yes ...I knew that if I went this far with testing ...then might as well rule everything out, but was still going to ask.

But ...I quickly forgot my plan ... because... then ...in her next breath ...she matter of factly asked, "Can you give us a urine sample so we can do a "Pregnancy test", to which I stammered out, "W-h-a-a-AT?!! A P-R-E-G-N-A-N-C-Y Test!???"

Let me just say ...that I can fully appreciate why they say when a person is about to die that their whole life passes before them. It amazes me how at lightening speed ...every thought of past, present and future can fly through one's brain ...SIMULTANEOUSLY ...in times of extreme stress. I am sure my expression was priceless. I was seeing Mr SeaSpray's! And I thought they must've seen a sign of pregnancy in the ultrasound. I actually don't even remember the nurse's face anymore after those words. I was too busy seeing my life pass by. Really ...every single thought came in at once.

But ...I do remember that she said, "This is just a precaution to be sure that you aren't pregnant before he does the biopsy." "Oh ..I thought because of his previous exam and the ultrasound ..he thought I was pregnant!" I still don't remember her face after that. But I do remember chuckling at her asking me if I can give them a urine sample. If there is anything I am proficient at ...it is giving urine samples ..thanks to my uro history. It's as natural as breathing now. Why I could hit the cup 20 feet away with my eyes closed. Okay ..slight exaggeration. ;)

I presented my idea to the gynedoc as soon as he walked in. My tests results were all good, but I did have to have the procedure. Let me just say ...that it was NOT an uneventful procedure and I can not for the life of me understand how I remember it as "Uneventful ...just a little pinch ...no big deal."

It was NOT just a little uneventful pinch and it WAS a BIG deal!!

I'll think about posting the experience. One thing we both know ...is that God forbid ...if there is ever a next time ...he said he will use a pain block. Maybe that first OB/GYNE did use a pain block back then? I really think I would've remembered this procedure. It's put the same fear into me as a dentist who intentionally probes to see if your nerves still feel after a root canal ...a urologist who just rips a stent out without any pain medication and now this. It's up there - 10 pain for sure. I made it worse because of my resistance.

Anyway - he's not concerned and in all probability all is well. I think so too.

And ...I'm NOT pregnant! :)

Then ...there is always that little wistful feeling that feels a little sad when you hear your not though. But believe me ...it's good news. :)


StorytellERdoc said...

Hey Stranger!

This post was a teaser, lady! I held my breath the entire read, finally exhaling at the end. Congrats!!! is in order for your test? Or an I'm sorry? Either way, you provided me some real entertainment here, Pat!

Hope all is well!


SeaSpray said...

Hey there Jim! :)

Yes ...congrats good. Thank you! :)

We're all good. I hope all is well with you and family too. :)

Chrysalis Angel said...

You are too funny. You and those Luccccy moments.

No, not a fun procedure....At all. When I saw you said, "little pinch," I was thinking, she couldn't have gone through what I did. I'm a stoic little bugger, but I had one tear escape.

Hope everything comes back good.

SeaSpray said...

Hi Angel - I'm sorry you had to go through that too.

Oh no ..I was not stoic. He was afraid I'd hyperventilate and I had many tears streaming down ...even after i sat up. It was *the* worst medical procedure I ever had done in my life. It trumped yanking a stent out with only one percocet ...and let me tell you ...that is saying something.

I even feel a little mad now that I know I could've had a pain block.

I believe the result will be good. Thank you for your well wishes.

Chrysalis Angel said...

I hear ya, Seaspray. I had to go through several, during all my cancer "stuff." Not cool.

SeaSpray said...

NOT cool.