Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Not My Perfect World Kind of Day



Pretty version with Bell Ringers.

You know the kind ...where you have plans to do x,y and z ...but everything just gets off kilter. Nothing flows the way it should have. I am so Bummed ...with a capital "B"!

But given what I thought may've happened to one of my friends today ..well Sunday ...but heard it today ...my Bummed is a zero on the bummed scale. Thank God they are both alright and praying for one of their relatives. It was one of those ...my heart sunk thru the floor when I got the call. And the person calling me didn't know the facts and so then I called someone who did and then back to the first person and needles to say ...I did not get the food delivered with my appointment. Then I said I would bring it back in tonight because I am going back down to Macy's and this way they would have it for tomorrow. But ...DARN Christmas traffic. It took forever to get home. Never mind back out and to them before they locked up at 6. :( And I needed time to arrange and wrap it.

Sooooooooooooo ...I will bring it in in the morning, but now doc and one of the receptionists won't get any ...maybe leftovers? And I made a cheesecake pie with strawberries too. Devan calls it Heaven pie when she was 5. :) Plus ..I have to bring my license and copay in. I left wallet on seat and I should've just gone out and brought it in ..realizing I'd never get back with food in time.

Every Christmas ...I always bring uro office a basket of goodies and delighted to do so. I can't believe this is the 6th Christmas doing that. I used to say I would stop when healed or work ..maybe they'd get Costco cookies. :) But, I realize ...I will be one of those patients that comes by to remember them with a thank you for taking good care of me ...well after I've been healed ...which I am.... healed ...I AM healed. He even karate chopped my kidneys and I was fine. I have no complaints whatsoever. there was a time when I always had concerns about relapse, etc and I really do not now. I am glad I had the appointment because it reinforced what I already believe about being healed. :) And took care of something else too.

I always make sure my doc will be there to get first dibs if he wants any. It is of course for all the docs and staff and totally warms my heart when I know they enjoy it. What an enthusiastic group of people.

Actually ...didn't even know it was possible ...but I appreciate them more than before after having been around some ...less than stellar ...way less then stellar front office staff and most recently a specialist ...who fortunately ...I never really needed to see.

So ...while I was disappointed I did not bring food in today as planned ...it was still good to see all of them.

I went shopping at Macy's with a friend last night. We literally were escorted by security out the door after midnight ...so he could lock the doors. I was the last one downstairs and she was still in jewelry and so I had to swing around and pick her up out front. I never shop when I am making baskets up, etc. But I had to go. And we got home just before 1 am.

My schedule ...because of life events and some things with me has been crazy.

Also ..after leaving the uro office tonight, it was bittersweet walking out. :( Because ...as I left the building ...I heard beautiful music playing ...Pachelbel's Canon in D major. (One of my favorites :) I turned to look behind me off to the right and then I saw it. The Oncology center. I froze. I just stared at the light coming through the doors. All my memories of going there with my friend came rushing back into my head. I can't even describe what I was feeling ...a pull to go in ...a desire to look away and forget ...but I froze ..and just looked at that part of the building ..the walk way ...the shrubs and how it was lit up at night. I had never been there after it got dark early. I turned to walk away and after a few more steps looked back again. Emotions swirling around inside me. It was an emotionally painful feeling that I am unable to articulate. It's weird that I didn't even notice it or think about it as I walked into the uro office. I had been in that building almost every week during the summer and sometimes several times ...and I didn't even think about it the entire time I was inside. I'm glad. But weird.

Anyway ...once I gave up on getting back to the office tonight ...I decided I would go to church. But ....then my friend's s-i-l stopped buy with one of my Longaberger casserole dishes and I am so glad I got to talk with him. It is the first time since the funeral. We still talked outside and hugged a few times when I cried. Her daughter really married a great guy. I've been fond of him since we first met.

I got teary eyed because seeing him ...was like being connected to my friend again and we talked about a lot of things. I hated seeing him go and cried and said it was like letting go of her all over again. I told him I really don't cry a lot, and the grandchildren keep me so busy and bring such joy ...they have helped me tremendously during this time of missing Iris, but seeing him again ...makes it all fresh.

Anyway ...I am glad I didn't get out the door as planned tonight, although sorry I missed church. I think it would've been good for me tonight.

And ...n-o-www ...I am headed back to Macy's. I really just want to do some more baking and be cozy ...but Wednesday is their big sale day and so I HAVE to go back tonight. But ...I will finish shopping tonight. Plus ...I should not have paid for everything at one register last night. You get 50.00 back when you hit 200.00 in purchases. But if I divided it up ...I could've gotten another 25.00 back. 25.00 is 25.00. So I am going to return some things and then buy back and I still have more to get and so ...maybe I can save more.

They said I saved over 400.00, but I always wonder if they mark up to put on sale. Although ...Macy's does have good buys at Christmas - month of December and after.

So ...in my perfect world ...be it ever so fleeting ...since it is 20:30I should be down there in a half hr and should have almost 3 hrs to shop and hopefully will finish before that.

I am hearing "Carol of the Bells" in my head. I love the song, but when this close to Christmas and I am still shopping and buying food, etc. ... I feel the pressure as if I am moving ...bustling right along with the song. :)

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