Saturday, July 7, 2012

I Understand - I Don't Understand But ...Just DO it SeaSpray! Seriously!

"diabetes wtf"

I know diabetes is a serious concern, but I did bust out laughing when I read that in my google inquiries this morning.

The person searching is obviously pissed that they or someone they know has it, but I laughed because I understand exactly that feeling. I just never put it into those words.

I hope it works out for the person with the diabetes and they can reverse or control it. I've been pretty stupid about it. I've been told that if I lose weight I can reverse it. And if I lose 30lbs (actually less now), my PCP will take me off Metformin, but that was last December and I definitely could have done that and more if I actually tried. Hey-y-y-y there's a novel idea - TRY! For some reason ...I've been hovering in this 10lb range ...a little up ...a little down ..a little more down ..back to the middle and so on. I KNOW if I just break my lowest weight that I will be sailing downward again. WHY would I not just DO it??! Just DO it! I think *I* need to get PISSED about it! I rarely get angry, but ...if I do I have all this energy in me that I have to do something with because I'm all fired up. Since I'm not one to go on the attack or not for long I have to do something and so it culminates in slamming things and then progresses to major cleaning or something physical. Whatever I throw myself into when I'm in that mode is attacked with laser focus and I accomplish so much. Once after a my friend Iris and I had the most ridiculous, but HEATED argument (Lucy-Ethel fight and always made up later), she really lucked out when she retreated to her bedroom because I stayed up almost all night and cleaned that beach house to perfection. I cleaned things the weekly maid didn't clean and the next day's maid did not have any work to do. Neither did my friend. I even got things packed in the van before I went to bed in the wee hours of the morning And we were level with the beach, but had a lot of stairs down to the garage ...which was really creepy at night, but didn't deter me one bit. I guess that is the adrenalin coursing through my body in that mode.

If I could just harness that kind of energy and direct it into weight loss, I'd be where I want to be in no time.

I won't give up ...but I just need to push through this last psychological weight loss barrier I seem to have.

Some one once told me that if a person holds on to a bad habit ...even if they want to change ...but never do ...that there is a greater gain for them to stay the way they are.

For the life of me ...I have no idea why I would not want the rewards of successfully losing weight down to the magic number I've designated for myself. ???

I guess I could ask myself ...WTF?

Wait ...honestly ...I feel better saying "WTH?" But I do understand the "WTF?" feelings for sure. :)

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