Monday, April 30, 2012

Make the queasy STOP!

Ugh ...I cannot handle this queasy! if I didn't know better ...I'd think I was Pregnant! It's back again ...like when I thought I caught something from drinking my CAT'S water! Back in March 2009.

I never did post that post. Maybe I will.

I wrote more ..but will hold off a bit.

Make the queasy STOP ...please.

Well ...Seaspray on a mission and have to hit the road. Some interesting ...very PT (bartering time for discount - not salary) work and errands.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

This Patient's Denial, Connection, Acceptance, Hope and a God wink


pics on Sodahead


So ...yesterday ... tears kept flowing during most of my consult appointment. No ...NOT uro and NOT serious ...THANK GOD! Although ...it is a fact that there are inherent risks to all surgeries. And it is a fact that I could have more risk than than some. And in all likelihood ...I would be fine. I do not feel anywhere near as afraid about this as I did with the uro surgery. Yet ...I have concerns. That being said ...I am not there yet. Just closer to acceptance than I ever was ...although after today ...I am wondering .."What if? Since today is already so much better ...what if I continue and somehow ...I can avoid it? What if?"

Wouldn't I just make you CRAZEEEE if I was your patient? Of course ...I am the one suffering the longer I delay. But ...I just cannot help but to come back to, "What if?" And ...I know a lot of people put this off.

Anyway, I haven't talked about it much at all. Denial runs deep. Okay ..you know what? Yes ..I will say why ...but don't want to go into much detail now.

I have been mostly silent about it for two reasons. Both ...are probably silly.

1. False pride (I am not proud of this line of thinking and I know I am wrong ...but I can't help what I feel and yet I know I have to rise above ...and certainly ...I would be supportive of someone else going through the same things.)

2. I do have concern that because I have written so much about my personal medical experiences ...and you never know who is reading that can connect the dots to identify you ...and who knows who ...even if you do write anonymously ... which is no big deal ...because my life is my life ...except that I would hate to have any potential employer see some of these things, concluding that I am a health risk for hiring and then get shuffled to the bottom of the pile. OOPS! In the shredder! (Yes I know that was a run on sentence. :)

Okay ...back to the appointment. I have a history with this med professional. He is the sweetest, most supportive man. And a real good listener. I love how he makes eye contact. He definitely connects. Although, his eyes seem to penetrate down into my soul and so there was no way I was going to conceal all the frustration, discouragement, fear, and even embarrassment that has been building within me over time. Denial was out the window. My overflowing tears betrayed the strong emotions that I was trying to keep down.

Eye contact is very important to me. But, this was embarrassing and even when I was on the exam table and looked down or away ..to collect my thoughts - myself ...he leaned down to look up into my eyes or leaned around to the side to connect with my eyes ...with me. There was no getting away from what I was truly feeling at that point. So I gave up and just let it all spill out ... tears ..words ..the dam broke. I wasn't sobbing ..but, I just could not stop the tears from streaming down my face. He closed the door to the room we were in, I looked up without wavering eye contact ...and told him everything relating to why I was there ...why I finally just gave in and came in. And I had planned to ...but, then ...I let more time go by then I had originally planned to.

DENIAL.

HE was totally into the conversation with me and boy did I feel heard. Not ..only did I feel heard ...but his empathy and concern caused me to feel validated and cared for. I admit ...I have felt so alone in this ...because while people can empathize ...unless they have walked the walk ..they just cannot know. It's not their fault. It is just the way it is. I know that. I've even experienced being left behind ...by my clueless ..otherwise empathetic friends and family. Then when they realized ..they'd apologize.

So, validation is so very important to me because I feel my experience as I relay it to others is subjective and so I always feel I have to keep explaining (to those close to me, yet they say I don't, although ...I feel I do) So as my story poured out ..the tears flowed. So EMBARRASSING! Then I felt guilty when I saw someone with something so seriously wrong with them ...far worse then my experience and I am sure that person would trade places with me in a heartbeat ...grateful to only have my challenges. I commented about the other person's physical situation versus mine and apologized for my apparent weakness and he made it clear that my concerns were important.

He was empathetic and encouraging. And now ...I am finally ready to listen and to commit.

He also said "You WILL be having this surgery." And believe me I understand and am so tempted. But, I have other goals to surpass ..or so I feel I should. But, I also don't want to get into that now either.

He seemed baffled when he said, "I don't understand. WHY haven't you gone for this surgery?" I explained my reasoning and concerns ...that go beyond the obvious denial, prayers for healing that have not happened yet. I don't want to get into that now either.

Anyway ...one of the things I expressed that not only was I frustrated ...but I felt embarrassed at how I looked regarding something. Of course he said I shouldn't be and I do know better. I really do. I even said I know it doesn't matter what people think. (I just hate the feeling of appearing compromised in any way ..some days worse than others and the worst days are the ones that upset me) And Yet ...I have not acted on what I could to remedy the situation. Although ...it is not a black and white decision ...not for me because I do have another consideration and so when I see the physician connected with this I am going to ask a very specific question. then I am going to ask another physician I know. And beyond that ...I am also going for a second opinion in this specific field of medicine. It's entirely possible that my concerns are erroneous and the best thing I could do would be to act on this now. Don't you just hate when you are in the middle of having to make big decisions that you just do not want to have to do in the first place? And yes ...I know ...life is filled with, "Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.", situations. But, as previously stated ...these decisions are not black and white for me and sometimes I have felt I am resisting ...to protect my life. Even with this seemingly less surgery ...which isn't exactly a day at the beach either ...although I KNOW that for the reward it promises ...I could so bite the bullet and totally get through the post surgical pain. Absolutely ..I could. So ...that is not why I resist.

Well ...he was incredibly encouraging and he came up with a plan, which I began today. Already I can see the light at the end of the tunnel ...no matter which way this goes. I was getting depressed over it. More depressed than I realized ...until the tears spilled out. I was feeling like I was giving up. Although ...not consciously ...but ...more a matter of accepting the status quo... and doing less and less ...because it was easier. Insidiously easier. And counterproductive to my overall health ...which I felt I was going to lose if I didn't act soon.

But ...now I have taken action and am steps closer (no pun intended) toward achieving my goal ...in this situation.

I also want to add ...that because of circumstances in my life ...a lot of my frustration has also come from what I feel have been roadblocks preventing me from just doing what I really want to do. I don't discuss everything in this blog. Life is not black and white. Ha! I don't WANT to do the things I may have to do and I just want to do what I want to do, but ...I may just have to do what I don't want to do ...so I can freely do all that I really want to do. Maybe this holding pattern that I have been in is because I have refused to acknowledge and act on these things.

Anyway ... call it a coincidence if you want to ...but, I call it a Godwink. Remember I said that I was feeling embarrassed to be seen sometimes?

Well ...there I was ...driving back home ...tears filling half way up behind my sunglasses ...to the point that I had to raise my sunglasses to let the pooling tears out so I could still drive. I'm KIDDING! ;) Tears were still falling from under my sunglasses though. I happened to look up and there was this sign that my church always puts a message on, different messages on each side. I didn't even notice the sign on my way to my appointment. But, now I happened to look up and while I didn't catch the last sentence, the beginning said, "Don't worry about what others think of you", and I honest to God felt like it was a message direct from Him to ME! It could not have been more timely and immediately spoke to my heart. It not only reassured me regarding what is most important ...but it also felt like a Godwink ...telling me I am on the right path and to keep going forward with the plan and the direction it leads me in.

I know that probably seems crazy to some. People put that message up and thousands of people probably see it during the week. But, God talks to all of us in so many ways. It's a matter of whether or not we are receptive to hear. It's been my experience that I will just have this inner knowing ...a green light in my spirit ...a peace. (I'm not always right ...but usually am) That happened when I saw that message on the sign, which was specific to my concerns and subsequent comment I had just shared with the medical professional and then there I was ...reading that sign. And my tears cleared up instantly ...because I truly felt in that instant ...that God was aware and rooting for me. (I know this is true for all of us ...but in that moment I needed to feel it. :)

Coincidence?

I don't think so.

Godwink?

I believe it was. :)
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I find the concept of Godwinks to be so fascinating and I do believe they happen in all of our lives. I enjoyed the book and have since passed it on to a friend. Here is an excerpt from the author, SQuire Rushnell on his website: When God Winks:

"WHAT'S A GODWINK?

A godwink is what some people would call a coincidence, an answered prayer, or simply an experience where you'd say, "Wow, what are the odds of that!"

What do godwinks mean? Think about when you were a kid and someone you loved gave you a little wink across the dining room table...Mom or Dad or Grandma. You didn't say "What do you mean by that?" You knew. It meant: "Hey kid, I'm thinking about you right now." That's what a godwink is too: a message of reassurance from above, directly to you, out of six billion people on the planet, saying "Hey kid...I'm thinking of you! Keep the faith! You're never alone.

HOW CAN GODWINKS HELP US?
In times of UNCERTAINTY what we desire more than anything else is CERTAINTY. Certainty that our families are safe. Certainty that we won't get downsized or that we'll have enough in the checkbook to make it through the month. We crave certainty when we get a scary medical report. And we long for certainty in our relationships.

It's during times of uncertainty that we especially need to get connected to our faith. We need to believe that our lives are not random like twigs floating on a stream to destinations unknown. Instead, we need to know that we all have a greater purpose; that someone really is up there watching over us and we're always on an incredible GPS...what I call God's Positioning System™...never alone. To me, the best thing about godwinks is that they are TANGIBLE SIGNPOSTS along our way, giving us hope, replacing uncertainty with a genuine feeling of CERTAINTY that everything is going to be okay!"

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Medical Chart Humor - Happy Sunday! :)

ImageLinkPhoto credit

ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENT'S MEDICAL CHARTS at PHILIPPINE GENERAL
HOSPITAL:

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began Seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. The patient refused autopsy.
8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
9. She is numb from her toes down.
10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
11. The skin was moist and dry.
12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
13. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got a divorce.
16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
stockbroker instead.
18. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Spring Pitcher Picture ...


except ...I didn't remove the SNOWMAN nightlight yet. :)

That pottery pitcher is part of my Longaberger Woven Traditions (blue) pottery dish set I have. I usually use that set in the spring and summer and then go to the Paprika Longaberger pottery in the fall and winter. And then for Americana on patriotic holidays, etc., I mix the sets up for the patriotic/Americana look. :) Unfortunately, Longaberger discontinued their Woven Traditions line and I broke the pasta bowl that was in this set and now I can't get it. :(

I often liked to place the pasta bowl under that pitcher when I put floral bouquets on the table. I do have the paprika pasta bowl, but prefer to have the pitcher and bowl matching. I do love the country look with many things.

Sunscreen

LinkPhoto credit

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Two Girls In the Sun :)



It's 4:30 pm and I am about to go sit in the sun with a bathing suit on, for the 1st time this year. I don't recall ever doing this so early ...except that this year ...mid March I also sat in sun in bathing suit and did get a tiny bit of color. I have sunscreen on face ..baby oil will go on body. I figure ..I will have 40 minutes of sun ...and I am mindful not to burn. I always go out 4 or after in beginning of year. The sun just feels so good and is a mental health boost for sure. I don't know why that something that feels soooooooooooooooooooooo GOOD ...has to be so bad for us. Although ...it was a woman in a health food store in 2004, that told me we should go in sun 20 minutes each day to get Vitamin D most effectively.
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I ended up going in the sun between 5 and 6pm today. I can't believe how WARM the sun was! It was cozy feeling actually ...like a nice warm blanket. :) It's a good thing I didn't go out earlier because I definitely have bathing suit-sun exposed skin contrast, but I don't want to burn.

Ha ha, Faith our dog was sunning herself right beside me. I am surprised she didn't go onto the shaded grass area. And I so very much wished I could've put a pair of sunglasses on her. Ha ha ...two GLAM girls lounging in the sun. ;)

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Again! :)



The taxes are DONE! :)

Once I sent the last e-file ...the clouds opened up ...and angels descended ... hovering just above our house ...singing the Hallelujah Chorus!

I feel like I birthed something.

I feel so FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


And .... even if I swung on vines hollering at the top of my lungs like a Tarzanette around our yard ...or leaped and did pirouettes throughout the house like a ballerina .... or soared high into the air and then gleefully splashed back down into the sea with the dolphins ...I could not feel more free.

Okay ...splashing with the dolphins would trump finishing the taxes. :)

I'm just saying ...I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

And I actually finished around 4:30. So when Mr SeaSpray came in, I announced, "I am NEVER going to do this AGAIN!" And so ...after he finished busting out with laughter ...he said, "Yeah right ...you've only been doing this for 30 years!"

I don't know what it was about this year ...but I was just plain tortured doing it ...could not focus and dragged it out horribly... because I kept doing everything ...but ...what I should've been doing. I wish I kept a pad and pen with me and notated every single thing I did - logging the time too ...that was distracting me from sitting down and doing said taxes. It is comical when I think of the things that demanded my immediate attention when they didn't before. Even the most mundane things became so interesting. And the sheer pleasure I experienced ...just washing dishes by hand with my favorite dish soap. And seriously ...cleaning the toilet even felt special versus facing the tax process.

Then the real stress comes in when now at the deadline and something comes up that I don't understand ...some new annoying thing ...or with this year's tax program ..some things seemed hidden. Instead of just asking the questions and I answer with the information ...I could not FIND where to put the deductions (Although by that point I had a good idea where I would like to PUT something!), and then finally after asking the program questions and going in deeper ..I could find out how and where to do it. They made it more complicated. At one point ...I was going back and forth through one section ...looking for the question and even thought maybe they don't allow that deduction. But, they do ...you just have to know how to look for it. But, all they had to do was ask the question up front. I don't get why they designed the program that way. And admittedly had to call the on line service twice. I also felt they complicated things to discourage people from going for the deduction. Even something like mileage. Instead of just giving the total ...now they wanted for each person and then for each half of the year. But ...if I'm not tenacious ...I'm nothing ...and so I did it all.

Anyway ...suffice it to know ...that I have already begun a basket and 3 ring notebook system for 2012. The perfect plan is at least once a month ...go through the things I put aside in the basket and from there ...get them in the notebook. I also love zip-loc bags. I punched holes in them and have them in notebook to hold receipts, check by the month. I am only finished with February, but will not put anything away until I finish into April. The basket is for when I get lazy/rushed ...at least everything will be in one place.

Even though I felt like I dragged this out way too long ...I am actually at least 10 hours ahead of time. Usually ...I e-file at midnight west coast time. And I've had a few years where the sun was coming up. There must be something in me that likes the drama ...or else I'm a bit of a masochist. But ...no more. Admittedly ...it feels good to be even this much ahead and so my next goal is February ...although, I'm not wishing my life away ..especially not for taxes. :)

So there.

I've got my plan in place.

And that's all I have to say about t-a-x-e-s!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Dancing With the IRS Man? :)

image

Tango of course ...because of the passionate resistance! I passionately resist this tax return process (But, I always do them) and if I did dance with an IRS man because of not doing my taxes ...it would be a dance of fiery resistance. Vive la Resistance! ;)

A friend just called to set up plans for Sunday. I lamented about my inability to hunker down and just do the taxes. I told her that cleaning the toilet bowl, polishing a counter or picking toys up just feels so good and I want to keep doing those kinds of things versus doing the taxes.

She asked me, "So what's better ...having a clean, shiny house ...or dancing with the IRS man?"

Ha ha!

Message received.

Now ...I really am not coming back to blog until AFTER the tax returns are filed.

I've drawn the line in the sand. (Tax Returns 1st/Back to Blogging after)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Procrastination With a Capital "P" and Stuff and "And Stuff" Is Symptomatic of More PROCRASTINATION :)

i need a nap too.

It's TAX time ..need I say more?

Okay ... I will ...because after all ...I AM Procrastinating ...with a capital "P".

I never rarely take naps. Sometimes I want to ...and I am home and I could ...but I just don't. I wish we didn't have to sleep ...never mind nap. Although ...at night ...I wish I could SLEEP at NIGHT.. *Sigh* A girl can dream ...well she would if she could sleep ...but ...I digress ..I mean ...Procrastinate. Anyway ...last night ...I did nap ...for two hours and I missed dinner. I cooked it ...but didn't get up to eat it.

Anyone following this blog knows that I do this EVERY-SINGLE-YEAR ...since GOD was a child. I'm just sayin. Sadly ...I even missed seeing Mom during the last week of her life because I was doing the taxes ...and then took a break for a couple of days after. That thought alone causes me to want to have it done in February ...although ..evidently not enough to actually go beyond thought. It's a novel idea though ...pour moi it is.

This habit perplexes me because I am otherwise near anal when it comes to organization... not in everything ..but most. Although, there is also the Bohemian in me. So, I guess I'm a walking paradox. Well, I am if there can be a walking paradox. :) I always say it ...but, it would not take much effort to keep every receipt, med visit, or whatever else needs to be documented in order and in one location. But ....N-o-o-o-o-o ...that would make sense and be too darn easy.

I know ...I'm still Procrastinating.

And I should be keeping everything simple ...until ...after I DO-THE-TAXES!



So ...what HAVE I been doing this week? Well ...aside from watching TV ...watching even reruns of the reruns of the reruns ...totally squandering time. I should've at least been sorting in front of the TV. I've been talking on the phone with people I have not spoken with in a long time ...but this week was the week that I decided it was about time. Then there is social media ...which actually ..I've kept to a minimum ...just because I do have this undercurrent of exacerbating guilt ridden anxiety because I know what I am not doing and should be ...hence not really able to focus to write anything. This is a significant first. :) Of course there was Easter shopping, Easter celebrating ...oh and then babysitting yesterday. Then, I've been baking when I have hardly baked all winter. I also really cleaned the family (spring cleaning kind of cleaned the family room) right down to wiping down some mildew with Clorox on the base of sliding door and the window. (Why does that happen anyway? I am guessing condensation over the winter?) Organized two kitchen closets. Polished some silver utensils. Cleaned and organized the silverware drawer. I'm especially proud of the organized bathroom closet, along with throwing out old meds and 1st aid supplies. I was definitely overdue disposing of those things. It also occurred to me that we are poorly prepared for a significant medical emergency and i DO need to make a list to have supplies on hand. I also Organized the coat closet - coats and blankets and afghans on top shelf. Cleaned the inside of my car. Cooked a turkey and the accompanying dishes. Began weeding the herb garden. Took outdoor pictures of the flowering trees and other flowers. Organized jewelery. Organized my roll top desk. Then of course the general housework ...that I am far more interested in doing than usual. And I simply can't wait to do all kinds of spring cleaning and outdoor projects.

Mind you ...I could've done the organizing during the winter. But ...now ...I REALLY feel inspired to organize. Have you ever had this happen? Sometimes ...I would have a project to do ..that I put off Procrastinate in doing and then on a day I could not because I had to work or be somewhere else ...I'd get inspired ...with seemingly all the energy and focus of a lifetime.

Right now ...cleaning the toilet has more appeal to me than doing the taxes!

And ...all the while I am Procrastinating, as previously stated ...I have this exacerbating underlying anxiety that causes angst while I do anything else but what I know I am supposed to be doing. It's a miserable feeling. So ...why not just DO IT?! I know I can always do an extension ...but, I refuse to pay for that ...and then I will put it off Procrastinate anyway. And I know that when I have finished doing the taxes ...I will feel so free and liberated ...which is a great feeling. Sometimes ..I fantasize that I will say .."To heck with the 1040 ...I'm just doing the EZ form." Here's the thing ...I actually like the computer part of it ...providing there isn't some new tax law or circumstance that I don't understand.Then I stress and wing it ...or sometimes call a tax guy who has done taxes for us in the past. I really wish I could just give it all to him. J always wants to know why his coworkers get thousands back and we do not. I don't know. I just provide the info and answer the questions and the on line tax program does the rest.

Okay ..this is it. I am going to empty the dryer and fold that stuff, put the wet stuff in the dryer, get dinner on and the dishwasher on and I will just do it ..gather the info I need. Heck ...in February, 2006 ...I was supposed to go into the hospital the next day to get IV antibiotics and have a stent removed. Instead of sleeping (I wouldn't have anyway), I had the thought that if anything happened to me ...Mr SeaSpray would be clueless about what he needed to do the taxes. So ...I stayed up until 04:30 and had every receipt ..every bit of tax info in order in a box and the phone number for the accountant because Mr SeaSpray does not do the taxes. It only took one long night and I had it all together and ready to go. Ha ha! And even then ...I waited Procrastinated until April to finish the tax process. And we get money back! Not so sure about this year though.

So ...I will not be posting in here until I finish the taxes.

I do want to complete a post I began on another dental office concern. Still have two other negative patient experiences to write about. I hesitate ..but, do want to. Of course I won't identify anyone and I am mindful that there are two sides to a story as I write form this patient's perspective. I want to write about how I discovered I was phobic about something and I have my own pictures. :) I also have pictures ...very GROSS pictures of something found in our food that I was cooking last fall. So gross that younger son refused to look once he got a glimpse. I'd love to know what people think it is. It does make my stomach flip-flop though. I took a lot of pictures and even measured it. And I have some really cute pictures and a story about Stevie ...who shall remain unidentified until I write about the experience. then of course I do have some uro things to write about that I never finished ...like my theory about stent removal and some other things.

And on that note ...I am quite happy to say that the tax deadline - April 17th ...will also be 13 months that I am stent free. I can hardly believe that my mag III lasix renal scan is just around the corner (June) and I am believing for a good report. :)

So ...even though I've been remiss in posting, I definitely plan to resume blogging and visiting my blogging friends. There's always SOMETHING to say. ;)

Have a great weekend! :)

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Stupid ...Bad Day ..Cranky to embarASSed!

Have you ever had a bad day? I don't mean the serious kind, but rather...the kind that goes from bad to worse ..and usually over stupid things ..but they just pile on. You even know if you could just go to bed ...you'd wake up refreshed and it would somehow seem better. Because as things progressed ...your mood spirals down. Sleep enables you to regain perspective and those mountains aren't so bad when you start a new day. But when you just have everything go wrong ..you feel so stuck... and want to throw something through the window.

Yesterday started out so well and ended with me being so cranky and frustrated. Today is a better day though. But, yesterday ..went from good, to bad ...to WORSE. Thankfully, just stupid stuff ...but boy was I getting cranky on the inside and it's a good thing I couldn't lift the carpet cleaner up and it's a good thing I have restraint ...or I would've hurled that carpet cleaner right through the sliding door window.

One of the earlier good things was that I got 69.49 credited to my electric bill. They overestimated our bill. There was no way it should've been that high when we didn't even turn electric heat on in the family room. So, after reading the meter for the customer service rep, he agreed. He said it would eventually correct itself, but I wonder? I think you have to stay on top of these things.

Anyway ..later I decided to surprise Mr SeaSpray with cabbage rolls and so made them ...only to find out that I did not have sauerkraut or tomato soup. So, I got on a stool and searched into the bowels of my deep closets ...SURE those cans were there. No ...no they were not. And now I had a mess of food to put back in order. So ..the cabbage rolls were bland.

I next decided to make Italian meatballs ahead of time to have simmering in sauce for today so I'd have an easy dinner prep when the kids are here later. I even used the organic herbs I got from the food co-op I joined last month. These were gonna be some good meatballs. :)

Then after I put them in a baking dish, baking on low at 325 ...I proceeded to vacuum and then use the carpet cleaner on the rug in the family room. Well ...actually ..first ...I thought maybe I could take the carpet cleaner apart on top because there was hair wedged on the sides where the water is sucked back up. It seemed so logical that id I just unscrewed the top ..it should just pop up. It did not want to budge. I pried a little harder ...but then thought ...maybe I shouldn't force it and put the screws back in. It still seems like I should be able to.

Then this stupid thing on the end of the front bottom where the water is sucked in kept popping off before I could even get to cleaning with it. Also ...something must've happened to it when Mr SeaSpray stored it for me amidst his stuff because now it won't lock up right and the hose kept popping off. But the worst thing was ..and I didn't realize it right away ...the soap was going into rug but and water, but I didn't realize it because it wasn't sucking up water ..barely anyway. That end thing kept coming off, the hose falling off and dragging and the electrical cord continually getting in my way I was getting so frustrated. It was like when you carry too many things and one thing drops you pick that up and then another drops and you're in this continual motion of not getting anywhere. UGH! But ...I was mostly concerned that I somehow broke it when I unscrewed it and is why it wasn't sucking the moisture back up. I ended up loosening the screws ..tightening the screws ..thinking I did something to it. I didn't even realize how much soap (the 2X strength of Bissel cleaner), until I walked on both the family room and kitchen tile. My flip flops were sticking and I sounded like I was ripping off of duct tape with every step and sticking like it too. That is when I went back to cleaner and saw I had emptied it all out into the rug in one small area and yet it wasn't clean because i was not getting the water back up. And it was WET! So I got a brush and scrubbed some spots. (I was also NOT liking my dog very much in that moment either), and yes ...I love her ...but if you do not get her immediately outside when she asks ..she will piddle. We never had a dog like that. She has us trained! But, if we don't hear her for some reason she will do that. Does anyone have any ideas? It's not often ...but once in awhile is too often! I've wondered if she has a bladder issue. But, vet didn't seem concerned.

Anyway ...by now the hot water was cold and I had to refill the soap dispenser and so began the process again. And then I don't know how many times I removed the water and soap containers to look under the machine ..clean the brush ..or just STARE at it totally perplexed and frustrated.

I also never set the meatball timer because this was only going to take me 15 minutes to a half hour at the most. Instead ...I obsessed ...O-B-S-E-S-S-E-D over that darned carpet cleaner and was not getting anywhere with it. I did wonder if my not being able to get that plastic piece on the end of it was preventing suction ..but I couldn't get it on to save my life. And then I was smelling overly cooked meatballs along with the strong soapy smell. Oh NO!

Yup. They were very well done ...hard and even crispy on the bottom. I didn't know you could even make hard meatballs ...but for the first time ever ...I did. Hockey puck ...hard on bottom ..crusty meatballs. However, I cut the hard bottom part off. Then I immersed them in sauce to sit in overnight ...hoping that will soften them. We would eat them, but I don't know about the kids. they do have a good flavor though ...although somewhat ..different. But ..I think I overdid the spices because I didn't measure. Son did like the one he tried ...although he said it was a little hard. Some are better than others. So, they are simmering on low now and it does smell good. Anyway ...I am not telling anyone and maybe no one will notice. :)

Then when younger son came in later... I whined about the cleaner ...he took a look and popped that thing back on and the cleaner was now sucking water back up and rug was getting clean. YAY! But, I kept getting soapy streaks I couldn't get rid of. So ..now it was getting late and I had to keep going over it. I even rinsed with plain water from soap container too.

I will say ...the rug is CLEAN!

But ...by the time I finished ...I was hot, soapy, tired and had sore knees. If any neighbors had been watching through the 6 foot glass doors ...they would've been entertained ...I am certain of that.

I had wanted the sunlight to help dry it ...but, I left the fan blowing down on it all night and it did dry.

So I loaded the dishwasher so I could get those dishes clean and start fresh in the morning. And then I discovered we didn't have enough dishwasher soap. Fine.

I also had to tinkle and shower and so I turned the bathroom light on ...4 lights to be specific ...over the mirror. Now on autopilot ...you know ...like when you drive home and you don't remember doing it ...I got undressed ...tossing my clothes onto the chair. Then I tinkled and much to my great dismay ...as I looked up ...I saw that I had not let the shade down FIRST...which meant that I got nekkid with the 4 lights on over me ...in front of the fairly long window facing our back yard and neighbors. I was MORTIFIED, but didn't shriek or anything. I did say OMG! OMG! OMG! !!!!!!!!!!! So then in combat style maneuvering ...I crouched my way over to the window ...reached up with the rest of my body below the window and only part of my head and arm reaching up so I could let the cord loose to drop the shade.

This happened to me once before and I wrote about it in this post: "Rudolph"

But then I had covered the window, it was daylight and I didn't realize it had dropped down and I was taking my time putting body lotion on and then happened to notice I had been putting on a show for the neighborhood with the bathroom lights on. Mercifully ..the windows were steamy and it was daylight. Although as I said ..I took my time ...unaware I could be seen. That day I did SHRIEK.

But, last night, I hadn't turned the shower on yet and so there wasn't any steam. At least I undressed quickly before I sat down. *Sigh!*

I have to admit ...I am bothered about this. I know a friend would've called me if she saw it. ROFLHAO, but she would've called me. Now, if any husbands smile at me unusually ...I'm gonna feel so weird!! I also realize the odds are probably in my favor. I had a next door neighbor who for years had thin cotton curtains in her bathroom, but didn't realize just how sheer and she was higher up from the ground, but ... was mortified when she realized neighbors could've seen her in the bathroom too... for years. That IS worse.

Today is a better day and I'm not cranky anymore. Still embarASSed ...but not cranky. You probably had to be there last night to appreciate the restraint I exercised in not just tossing something out the window. :) And now I'm looking forward to seeing all the kids shortly as their parents are going out for their anniversary tonight. :)

Monday, April 2, 2012

Blond Moment ...MOI? :)


Photo credit

This afternoon I drove over to the county inspection station to have our car inspected.

I also had to use their bathroom.

Of course I did.

You definitely don't want to use the inspection station bathroom ...I'm just saying.

Anyway ...the woman gave me directions for where to walk and come out on the other end after the bathroom. She said something about sitting in a booth. Admittedly i just yessed her, but whatever she said went in one ear and out the other without registering within. this is because all I could think about was ...the bathroom ...and getting to the bathroom. *Mental SeaSpray note made: It's not advisable to drink a half bottle of water when you are already thinking you may need to use a bathroom and should have done that before you left the last location... and it is a half hour until you get to your next destination.

So ...I go where she instructed me to go and when finished continue walking to the booth where I sat down. I got out of my car without my coat and so I was quite happy they had heat pumping into the little booth. But ..I soon became annoyed because there I was ...sitting there in the booth, while the inspector and some guy were chatting. Then I became concerned he didn't even see me.

So, I got out of booth, walked up to the men ..."Excuse me ...is this the booth I am supposed to be sitting in waiting for my car?"

"Where's your car?"

"My CAR?" (I was Momentarily baffled thinking he should know where it is.)

"Where did you leave your car?"

"On the other side.?"

"Then that is where your car will be and you should be over there."

Feeling sill, I just said "Oh". Maybe my expression was funny ..don't know but he busted out laughing and said, "And you're NOT even BLOND!" At which point both guys busted out laughing. They were nice ..just appreciating the blond moment I guess.

Then I looked to my left and then out the garage door and I hated asking ...but then asked, "Okay, HOW do I get out of here to the other side, because I KNOW she told me to walk to the end and sit in the booth.?"

More laughter ..as he directed me back and crossing over half way down.

And my car was ready and waiting. It passed inspection - YAY! Mr SeaSpray always thinks they're not nice over there ..but I think they are. I was surprised to hear they don't check lights and brakes anymore. Although, when I asked the woman why, she practically snarled Governor Christie's name, stating he doesn't think it's important and so eliminated that to save money.

I would at least think BRAKES are important!!!

Anyway, to this SeaSpray's defense ...it is all changed over there and I just assumed they would have the car parking in the back.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Getting Second Dental Opinion

I contacted our dental plan to find out what kind of plan and sure enough ...it is a capitation plan. I also found out I can leave current dentist and sign up with new one on the 20th of the month, to be able to start with new one on the 1st of the month ...if all bills are paid.

Then I contacted my former dentist's office, explained a few things and I will be meeting with him for a consult (free - yay) and if he takes x-rays pay for them and I can make payments if need to. I had him since I was 14 until in my 40s and the ONLY reason I left is that we signed on with a better dental plan that covered braces and larger things, like crowns and root canals ..although there is still a significant copay.

I have to get in this week because I am scheduled for the crown process on the 9th and I believe as his partner did that the tooth also needs a root canal. My trust in my main dentist has dwindled. The fact that I had to persuade him to even do the crown ..when I cannot eat on that side for what will be 6 weeks tomorrow. Ever since his partner only did a composite on a tooth that broke all the way down on 3 sides. I can't eat oatmeal flakes, grapes, chew gum, apples ..I can't have any kind of pressure on that tooth. he thinks because I can do the tap, tap, grind thing and not feel discomfort that there is not a problem. he looked at x-rays and didn't see anything.

I do NOT care! the FACT is that I cannot eat on that side of my mouth at all because it is the second tooth behind my lower left eyetooth and so all food hits that for chewing. It is impossible to get the food to just go on side and not hit that tooth. AND WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO?????!

There is so much more to say and I will, but for now ..I will just wait until after I see my former dentist. I am very much looking forward to seeing him again and telling him everything and getting his opinion and I DO trust him.