Saturday, February 9, 2013

The Day I Called Poison Control For Myself

It's been at least 4 years now and DYFS hasn't hunted me down yet and so I guess I'm in the clear now.  ;)  I posted the little pre-Poison Control formula post at least a few years ago and it was supposed to go up just before my poison control post, but I don't recall if I ever actually posted it, as I see that post is still in my drafts. But even if I did's still apropos for this frigid weather.  I was feeling just this way in the shower today ..although circumstances weren't as extreme. Still I just stayed under that hot water and it was so hard to move out of it that I opted not to shave.  I know - TMI.  :)

No heating oil = Frigid House + SeaSpray in shower = SeaSpray trapped in shower  = frigid SeaSpray in frigid bathroom + brain freeze + seemingly terminal goosebumps + rushing = error = SeaSpray + poison control = SeaSpray back in shower = extra frigid distressed SeaSpray + 2 hours post shower = SeaSpray feeling better!

Warning: Energy/water conservationists look away...look away now

This all happened because we have been having frigid, below zero temperatures at night and the oil in our outside tank is congealing because for the first time since the late 70s, I didn't order a can of HEAT to be added in with the oil delivery last week. I listened to an advertisement that stated their oil had additives in it and I assumed that was enough to protect it during cold weather.

I assumed wrong! Last night the furnace shut off again and the house had gotten very cold. The heating guy said it had been -13 degrees last night and so the house was frigid... except for the family room which has electric heat. (Boy is THAT bill going to be high this month!) I have been talking with this fantastic plumbing  and heating man who has been telling younger son what to do and so the furnace came on... but shut off again and then today... just too cold out. I am trying like heck to avoid the service call which would be expensive. We did add the product yesterday but it evidently wasn't enough. We need to add more but everyone is sold out of it. He said we could add 10 gallons of kerosene. he also had us shine a drop light on the furnace filter and also used a blow dryer. When my husband came home...he did all that, the furnace came on and that is when I jumped in the shower.

But my body was so cold, the house was very cold and so all I could do was stand under the near scalding water (which felt good) to try to get warm... but I was so cold ...I could hardly move... and I was shivering with what felt like terminal goosebumps everywhere. I think the contrast of my cold body against the hot water caused me to feel even colder because I realized how frigidly cold I really was. My hands and feet were like ice and the rest of my skin was cold.

I was a human Popsicle and was surprised my body didn't just melt into a puddle in the tub!

I should've put socks on but instead wore open toed comfy slippers and I didn't layer clothing and what I was wearing wasn't enough. I kept doing "one more thing" and then I was going to dress more warmly. I could've gone into the warm (electric heat) family room but I was doing things at the coldest end of the house. I did take great pleasure in wrapping my hands around a hot mug of coffee. But I didn't really realize just how cold I was until I got nekkid and into the hot shower!

I was tensed up, shivering with what felt like terminal goosebumps... all over!

I have come to these conclusions:

You know your cold when your snow white skin on the places the sun doesn't shine is as pink as sunburn from the hot water cascading down and you think it feels good ... until you scald yourself in other places with the same water.

You know you're cold when you have supposedly terminal goosebumps the entire time you are in the shower when the scalding water flowing down on you and the water you are collecting in the tub along with steam rising up from said water collected in the tub doesn't eradicate the goose bumps but only turns them pink.

You know you are cold in the shower when you're girls stand at attention the entire time you are in the shower...despite the scalding water cascading down on them all that time.

You know you're really cold when you have been in the scalding hot shower for a half an hour and your skin still feels cold, you still have goosebumps

You know you are cold when you try to make both shower heads work at the same time so you can stand under the scalding water and spray yourself simultaneously. (Didn't work. caused both shower heads to go to a dribble)

You know you are cold when you need to shave your legs but refuse to open the curtains to lift leg up on side to shave. And then you way...just a PTA today (I can't believe my elderly aunt used to say that)...well technically an HPTA -Hair, ahem, ahem and Armpits... just the no frills basics so you can get outta there!!

You know you are cold when you decide that if you don't shave, that Murphy's law may kick in and this could be the night you end up in ED with a kidney stone and unshaven legs and so you shave them while standing, shivering with big goosebumps. You know that shaving this erratically may end up with a psycho tub (blood filled) or at best... you will have stripes or patches of shaved areas.

You know you are cold when when you are so preoccupied with getting warm that you forget where you are shaving and catch yourself shaving a straight line up your derriere , thankfully only on one side and only 2 strips. (Someone please tell me that I will not end up with a hairy shaver width stripe on my left butt cheek!)

You know you are cold when you are still shivering, shaking under the scalding water and you are wondering how to shave under the collected tub water and decide one will notice the hairy little stubble ring cuffs around your lower shin to ankle... but then decide to randomly shave...hit or miss under water anyway...Psycho tub be damned!

You know you are cold when husband opens the door and you scream "Close the door NOW!" and you feel like he committed the unpardonable sin.

You know you are cold when the whole time you are in don't understand why bathroom is not getting warm from half hour steaming shower (thus far), the girls are still at attention, chest is getting tight from tensing and you still have goosebumps and just then the phone rings and you hear the conversation...then realize... you should not be able to hear the conversation and so you peek through the smallest curtain opening possible and you see the bathroom door wide open, hardly any steam in bathroom because it is going out into the hall and all the frigid air in the unheated house has been continually going into the bathroom and you are wet and so that explains why you couldn't ever get warm and then you holler for your husband to SHUT THE BATHROOM DOOR! ITS FREEZING IN HERE! (Darn it! Is he being passive aggressive?! Oh wait... he didn't shut door tight enough and cat pushed it open!)

You know you are cold when you go to turn the shower off and you can't because your arm wouldn't reach far enough and you only swiped at it. And  then you stare at it and try again and you miss again because you can't bare the thought of the hot water stopping because you will feel a blast of cold air. So you decide you will get out with the water still flowing down on you and exit right into a towel, but you can't muster up the courage to pull the curtains open and stand there rapidly in an audible whisper"youcandothis,youcandothis,youcandothis,youcandothis,ICAN"T!" and continue to huddle under the water.

Then finally with water still on and tub almost filled up for the SECOND time... 1,2,3 GO! Out like a shot, towel on body, towel on head, turn water off and dry really, really FAST! The bathroom was a bit warmer and all steamy but I had been cold for so long... I still felt cold.

I needed to take my antibiotic eye drop for my left eye. I had been so frantically turbo drying myself like the Road Runner runs, that in my haste ...I opened the medicine cabinet and unwittingly put 2 drops in my right eye.

Now mind you I am only supposed to put one drop in my left eye. This realization came to me simultaneously with my instant awareness that I had not put an antibiotic eye drop in the left eye ...but 2 drops of my Royal Jelly Lift Serum, which is a skin care product that nourishes, smooths, hydrates and tightens the skin... and I was pretty sure that it wasn't meant to tighten my eyeball! No-o-o ...I definitely was not looking for an eyeball lift! Shoot! I instantly began splashing cold water in it and then remembered I had an eyewash and so used an eye cup to rinse...3 times.

I discovered (okay, I already knew) ...I am not beyond experiencing psychosomatic sensations of my eyeball tightening and so decided to do what they did in the ED and took my robe back off (yes I was cold, but fear has a way of overriding that) wrapped a towel around me tilted my head back and emptied almost an entire bottle of the saline wash in my eye. eye was bright pink and burning ...although the pink contrast against the blue made my Iris look like a pretty turquoise. (Just looking for the silver lining)

And I could swear my eye felt sticky inside... and I was tearing. 

Now on the one hand I reasoned... it is a skin care product...they must allow for people erroneously getting it in their eyes! But I countered with, "Yeah, but they don't expect people to use it as an EYE dropper and squirt it on their PUPILS!!!"  (I am pretty sure it is things like this that cause companies to write up those ridiculous manual instructions and disclaimers to avoid lawsuits.)

Okay...FINE..I'll call POISON CONTROL! They're always nice down there and won't mind. (I have a frequent flier history with the boys -nothing big, just me being cautious.... although I was getting nervous about giving out my zip code because I thought DYFS might show up at the door)

The Poison Control doc, Noel...was quite nice. I quickly explained that I was so cold and rushing that I had erroneously grabbed the wrong bottle and wrong eye. He didn't have anything for the product and so I read the ingredients and he didn't think it would be a problem. He told me that cold water will redden the eye and I should've used warm water. Then he asked,"Is it burning?" " Yes and tearing", I said. "I hate to tell you this... but because it's're gonna have to go back into the shower and set the shower on soft and let it rinse out your eye for 5 minutes. I will call you back in a half hour."

At least by now the house was warming up and so was I. I wasn't frigid cold just cold. I was only getting wet on the right side of my body. Even the low water pressure was hurting my eye and I had to keep blinking and it burned. Then I remembered that earlier while so cold in the tub, I had tried to make the water come out of both shower heads and it only trickled. So I did that again but opened it just enough so it would be a soft, gentle spray... yet would really flush it. My husband let me know when the timer went off, but I gave it an extra minute or so because I kept blinking every so often. Then I rinsed my hair again because it was drying in long knots. Got out, dried off, wrapped up in warm robe and went to lie down until he called back.

Noel ...the nice Poison Control doctor called back and I told him it was still burning but must be so irritated and he agreed. I could see alright..just sore. He then told me not to put any drops in my eye and no I couldn't sooth it with a tea bag. (I like to do that) Then we swapped a couple of funny stories and I told him how when the boys were younger I was getting nervous about giving my zip code out to them and he jokingly said "You're the one!" LOL! And he seemed so repulsed at the idea of younger son gnawing on my spiked heel after having walked through the ED and hospital with them the night before than he was when he heard the same son also chewed on the toilet bowl brush. LOL!

Well..that's all I have to say about that. more thing... One night a woman came into the ED because she accidentally squirted Crazy Glue in her eye. She reached for the wrong bottle! I felt sorry for her, but silently wondered, How could she make a mistake like THAT???  I would never do that!"

It goes to show you... don't be so quick to judge and never say never, because you don't know for certain what you will do in some situations. :)

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