Monday, March 4, 2013

Avoiding My Doctor!

Photo: Exactly what I want to do at every physical! :))

Warning to any doctors reading this post.  You will be rolling your eyes so much during this non compliant patient's post that you may become dizzy.  I advise you to take precautions.

I am NOT looking forward to going to my PCP appointment today!!  As a matter of fact ...I would be seriously tempted to do what the lady in the cartoon above did ...except I can't whistle ...not unless whistling on inhale only ...qualifies as whistling and so there goes my cover.  Also ...there aren't any windows in the exam room I will be in.  Heh doubt my doctor just thinks of everything ...stickler that he is.  ;)

Ha!  You should see our kitchen ...flour, batter, dishes and utensils everywhere - from baking, etc.  I don't know why, but I tend to be messy with baking and making coleslaw.  I didn't make coleslaw ...I'm just saying.  So, I baked 2 batches of Toll House cookies and 2 batches of cheesecake tarts.  I just have to put the topping on the mini cheesecakes in the morning and put the things together.  I'd like to make one more thing but it all depends on whether or not I have the time to.  My appointment is sometime in early afternoon.  Usually I know when my appointment time is but I do have a mental block about going - that is for sure.  I have been resistant with a capital "R."  I already canceled in the beginning of the month and switched to another day ..then canceled that last week and switched it to tomorrow.  Vive la R√©sistance!

  Some doctor's offices will be getting some goodies tomorrow.  I so enjoy doing that.  :)

Speaking of goodies ...they are part of the reason I don't want to go in tomorrow.  Ugh!  Total and complete denial ...resistance of epic proportions.  I do not want to go see my PCP tomorrow.  And I like him - it's not personal.

Okay ...FINE ..I'll explain.

 I don't know why, but ever since the electric was out after hurricane Sandy ...I have been struggling with weight ...yo-yoing up and down within a certain range.  When we didn't have electric, one of the types of food we got was fast food ...something I had pretty much given up and lost my taste for back in 2005.  Also creamy soups (comfort food), and junk that I just never brought into the house anymore ..because it was easy and I guess comforting.  And here is the thing first I didn't like it all that much because I had changed my tastes.  I was breaking my healthy lifestyle habits I had established for at least 5 years now.  I know it turned into emotional eating. You know ...the kind of eating when you're not hungry - but you're feeding your emotions ...except you also begin to live unconsciously ..aware and yet in denial of your behavior patterns ...or at least even the guilt and healthy goals for a quality life aren't enough to snap you out of it.  Not even fear of the doctor's scale or consequences of tipping the scale upward in the exam.  See ...I rarely drink, don't smoke or do drugs.  Or gamble, shop or anything like that.  But food ...well I guess that has always been my drug of choice.  Comfort food.  Plus I love to cook and bake and feed other people.  Home and hearth - food represents so many good things ...stability, warmth, love, fun ..all good things.  Thank God I did not even come close to gaining all the weight I lost some years ago, but I will be going in about 5, 7 maybe 10lbs heavier than when I saw him in December.  And I had gained 10 more than that!  Thankfully I got that back off and I should've reversed it all and then some ...but I have been struggling for sure and I don't know why exactly.  Also the CT massacre ... everything just felt so off this past fall and Christmas.  It's not a conscious decision.  I never say ..I am eating x,y and z because I want to feel better.  No's more insidious.  And yet I could see myself drifting and I didn't car ...enough to stop.  But I guess I did because if I really ate like in my past ...I could've gained all the weight back pretty easily.  Okay - it definitely could've been worse.  And at least I am here ..acknowledging it ...making this all concrete in my mind.

Okay ...back to the doctor appointment!

Ive been sort of fasting since today because we all know a day and a half of hardly eating will wipe away my sins of the last FOUR months.  NO?  Well ... I'm also trying to figure out what items of clothing and jewelery I can wear while being weighed that will be as light as air ...or better yet  maybe my guardian angel could help me out with a little incognito lifting while I'm on the scale?  Why not?  Miracles DO happen.  Far be it from me to refuse the assistance of my guardian angel.  (Hear me Angel - just saying.  :)  Or if I can sneak a hand onto the wall and push up - thus lowering my weight ...or maybe BRIBE the M/A ...or  ...distract her with a look of horror, exclaiming, "YIKES is that a SPIDER dropping down by the back of your HEAD?!" and while she jumps out of the way, I stealthily move the weight down 15 or so pounds.  I could do that. And then in puzzlement while looking down  ...all around the floor, say,"Ugh I don't know WHERE that spider went!"  Yeah ...THAT sounds like a good plan.

But ...even if I get away with that,  it's not just the weight.

Here's the rest of the story behind my resistance to going in to face my PCP.

I had lab work Friday and he is watching my A1c, which I think numbers aren't bad - not like he expresses concern about, but he seems to be more particular than my former PCP.  Normally ...I would not be so concerned ...but ...remember that I said I've been struggling ...well I had so many sweets since SANDY ...right thru Christmas and after ...that I am surprised syrup didn't come out of me for a urine specimen.  In December, the poor uro M/A probably had the test strip stuck in the middle of my urine syrup specimenFortunately ...they aren't particular about that with me.  The problem is that the A1c checks blood glucose levels from the present to 3 months back.  Just great!  Not only Sandy and other stress factors but HOLIDAY time. 

Well then SeaSpray, you ask is it that you are baked desserts tonight?  Good question.  This is actually the PERFECT night to do all this baking because...
 IHAVETOBEWEIGHEDTOMORROW and so I am not going near any of it ...other than to pack it up to give away.  And of course Ive left a little for Mr SeaSpray and son.  Whenever I make Toll house cookies they seem to disappear almost as fast as I put them out to cool.  I thought I'd have to duct tape their hands tonight until everything is wrapped up, but they both went to bed before I finished.  ;)

And wouldn't you know it ...for some reason unbeknownst to me ...said new PCP also decided to add on a lipid profile and he never does that except for my yearly physical.  And I do have a good lipid profile ..except the good cholesterol needs to come up.  I've heard that sugar can elevate triglycerides and I hope that did not happen.  And I have not been monitoring my bgl, but he knew that in October and didn't say anything when I told him I don't because it isn't that bad and I don't want to stick myself all the time.  (BUT - I didn't test even once.)  And then blood pressure seemed to have been up at levels that if he knew ...he would have me on a new or increased med so fast ...which I also don't want to do.  I will say was good today.  And has been on and off.  But was really high a couple of weeks ago.  There was also a very stressful situation going on and on top of that I was worried about someone else's health.  And I do think that a steady diet of politics can't be good.  Put all of these things together and the weight gain and no  wonder my blood pressure went up. The reason I've been avoiding my appointment is because I don't want to end up on some medication that causes hair loss.  I have seen that in some women and I hardly want to be sporting tufts of long hair sprouting out the middle of bald spots - just saying.

The thing is ...this appointment will be humiliating for me because see ...I made a bargain with him in December because I was trying to keep him from increasing medications and also because I wanted to for myself and I could feel the added weight which was also discouraging.

So,   I said ...give me just one more chance to lose weight and these blood pressure and A1c numbers will come down.

But later today, have to go in and weigh MORE than when he last saw me.  *SIGH!*

Ha!  If you happen to see a medical office scale go flying out a window ..or door ...or is somehow airborne tomorrow ...then that will mean that you are probably near my doctor's medical office and I found a way to lob it out of the exam room before the M/A utters those 9 dreaded words - "Stand on the scale so I can weigh you." But if you hear a woman scream ..."N-O-O-O-O....NOT the S-C-A-L-E!", then that will mean that you are probably near my doctor's medical office and I did not find a way to lob said scale out of the exam room before the M/A utters those 9 dreaded words - "Stand on the scale so I can weigh you.",  Nor did I scare or bribe the M/A guardian angel assistance ...just the M/A, the scale, my doctor and me ...and my results.

I am hoping that I have a good report with my recent lab tests.

I am glad this relatively new PCP stays on me about what he wants me to do.  I know he is looking out for me.  I do appreciate him.  I just don't want to do any of this anymore.

But ...if I really mean that ...then one of the best things I can do for myself is be a more compliant patient and then I CAN reverse the diabetes and hypertension.

And I've also told my urologist and gynecologist that I will be losing weight and when I say it ..I believe it ..I really do.  It's embarrassing for sure.

I am guessing that doctors see this all the time.  Still ...I really don't want this to be the status quo for me and so hopefully owning up to this by writing in this blog will be a catalyst for getting me to focus and hunker down on what I KNOW to do.

And so later I get the lab results ...drum roll please....


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