Saturday, October 19, 2013

Hurting Big Time!

50 Shades of Buffet: Comfort Food and Emotional Eating New Yorker Cartoon

Why?  OMG kind of pain!  I've been trying to avoid the ED all day.  I'm experiencing a 2 Percocet worthy pain.  Even more!  But I'm not going there.  I shouldn't be typing either.  I made a HUGE mistake thinking that maybe I was a bit better and I should NOT have let pain med lapse!!!  Playing catch up is no day at the beach.  And I now think I should've been TOTALLY ...COMPLETELY ...NO DOUBT ABOUT IT ...RESTING!

My doctors don't know yet because I've called nary a one, although I did fantasize about it earlier and thinking about it again if this doesn't let up.  I will HAVE to go to ER and I don't WANT to.  I am trying to hold on until Monday morning.

I have also decided that the 1st kidney stone pain is still my worst 10 pain and so this can't be a 10 pain or I would not be typing and I would not even be home ...I would be at the hospital.  But maybe there should be 3 categories of 10 on the pain scale.




Then I could say I was a 10.1 - the lowest 10 score.  I know, I know ...I can almost hear the collective response from medical people shouting back at me, "ONLY a TEN SeaSpray CAN'T go higher than TEN!  

Okay so I have a flare for the dramatic, but it hurts I tell you!   A visceral reaction on my part - I know.  And ...obviously if I'm typing is not a 10 of any kind. Not even a 10.1.

For any new readers, (sorry about repetition to regular readers :), my 10 and I pray I never experience any other kind to compare ...was a kidney stone ... a stuck kidney stone ...that even Morphine didn't relieve.  And as I've written before incapacitated me in such a way that I was unable to brush my teeth, do any grooming or even get dressed and then upon arriving at the hospital ... I banged and began sliding down against the early morning hours locked out patient doors.  That was my 1st and I hope last real 10.

But if there was a 9.1, 9.2 and 9.3 ...using the same logic (flawed ... I know), I am a 9.3.  I am so wrong to be typing now, but keeping my arm close to me.

I do not know why any of this is happening and don't feel like going into it now.  But suffice it to know that I don't even have knees right now ..not painful ones anyway.  And it is a good thing I just changed the November 5th knee replacement to January.  (That's another post)  I have been experiencing the worst and seriously incapacitating upper arm and shoulder pain since late last night. 

If anyone read this post to the end ...and ...if you feel so inclined .. and because there IS power in prayer ...please say a prayer that this will stop and spontaneously heal.  Or if I have to seek medical intervention that it will not be a big deal and can be easily remedied.  Mr SeaSpray said sometimes things just have to work their way out and that is what I am hoping for.  Thank you.  :)

I have been good all day but now... I am so craving comfort food!  Lots and lots of warm and tasty... just all kinds of yummy, satisfying food.  Foods that give that warm, fuzzy, safe ...not a care in the world feeling ...make the pain go away ...especially while eating in front of the TV ..and just zoning out ...and ...none of it would contain any calories and I could just keep eating and eating and I wouldn't even get full.  And it would be healing too. First food that came to mind was Thai food.  I don't know why.  I guess because I've been wanting to go to the Thai restaurant I heard about.  My second choice is a big bowl of hot stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy.  No ...THAT is my 1st choice.  Haven't had any in almost a year.  Cheese cake.  Okay ..that's not hot ...but you have to have a comfort food worthy dessert after feasting on the basics in comfort food. Homemade mac and cheese.  Lasagna.  things with crust - like steak pie with lots of gravy. Apple pie.  Hot apple crisp.  fortunately I haven't gone food shopping as I had wanted to yesterday.   Chips and dip ..homemade dip.  Cheese doodles!  I don't know why ...but ever since I was a little girl instinct has been to eat whenever I feel sick or am in pain.  It works in the moment, but remorse always follows.  And I have recently been doing so well regarding weight loss.  That being said - I could easily gain 10 lbs in 2 days and then have to fight like heck for a lot longer to get it back off.  even if I have a cold ...I eat so much soup that I gain weight.  I really have to try to be strong right now because I do not want to undo the good I have accomplished thus far in the weight department.  I even noticed a difference with knee pain. I was finally feeling like I was back in control and going to really lose what I need to do and now feeling this way ..this pain and frustrated, etc ...I feel myself weakening ...motivation wise.  I guess I also ... no I DO need prayer to not undo the successes I have recently achieved.  That would be greatly appreciated if you did that too ...prayed for me to heal and to resist giving in to seeking comfort food right now and to keep losing weight.  Anyone who has ever struggled with weight ...knows the power food can hold over a person if that is their go to way of self medicating, understands my concern right now.  I suppose in one way it's also good that I am not up to cooking anything anyway.  This too shall pass.

The tea kettle is whistling.  Drinking bed time tea is my signal for no more eating the rest of the night.

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