Sunday, March 31, 2013
For anyone that read my previous post in which I asked people to please pray for my friend Marian, if you did ...please continue to pray for her. I ask because something happened that has caused me to wonder if she is rallying back and I will come back to this at the end of this post.
I spent almost 4 hrs with her in ICU Friday night ....until almost 2 in the morning. I prayed for her, read healing scriptures to her, read excerpts from a book written by a woman who had a miracle healing from stage IV liver cancer - all medically documented. I also talked to her about different things going on in my life, talked and laughed with her nurse - sharing funny stories that I know would crack Marian up if she heard them. I encouraged her and told her to fight any negativity she may hear people speak and to believe for healing from God. I reminded her that she is one of the most positive people I know and what a strong woman she is and has overcome many challenges in life and to not give up. Mostly, I discussed faith, and healing stories I know of and read almost 40 healing scriptures to her and shared the commentary to show her how it applies to her and anyone in need of healing. And ..I told her that when she comes home I will make her and her husband a dinner, telling her what I would make. Except ...I don't do fish. She makes it all the time, but we aren't a fish family here. I held her hand or gently caressed her arm - most of the time ..even while reading. And I hope this was okay to do. I washed my hands at the sink first so that I wouldn't bring any infection to her.
I had stopped at B, B & B on the way to the hospital, thinking that even though she's on oxygen ...she might appreciate smelling floral scents. Aroma therapy. :) I didn't know if the oxygen would interfere, but I wanted to try anyway. And I was delighted to see the tropical scents too, since she is such a warm weather, tropical island girl. They are FABULOUS!
These are the scents I brought in for her:
Mango Peach Salsa
Sun and Sand
Sage and Citrus
Fresh Cut Roses
Home Sweet Home
First I checked with the nurse to see if it was alright.
I told her how I know she loves warm weather, the tropics and flowers and so I brought some scented candles for her to smell. I opened the wrapping, told her the scent and then I described the beachy pictures on the front of each one ...taking my time to let her imagination picture it all. Then I held it to her least obstructed nostril. It seemed to me she was taking it in ...because each time I placed the candle by her nose ...she closed her mouth ...and had a serene expression. She only did that when I placed the candles near her. And I talked about how it would be so nice to take a nice bubble bath in these scents and also how she'll soon be planting her flowers in the yard. I also talked about how soon we will be opening out pools, and have crystal clear water with that fresh pool water scent. She loves her pool too. I was hoping to stimulate her senses and to give her a pleasant experience ...away from the antiseptic, sterile hospital environment. And away from any negative words about her condition she may hear from any visitors and/or medical staff. And I joked about us possibly having tree frogs growing in the pool again since our pool cover ripped from the weight of the ice.
I was concerned that if she did not like a scent that I could be making her miserable...smelling something she didn't like but was unable to tell me. It's just that it must be so awful to be stuck in a hospital bed, unable to do anything for yourself, not even open your eyes and I thought it was worth the risk. I hope it was alright. Like I said, she reacted as though she was appreciating each scent. I also repeated the scents a few times. I was excited to see she opened her eyes twice, but closed them quickly. She just was not able to keep them open. Her nurse told me she hadn't opened them for her yet, but she heard she did during the day.
And at times I felt she was trying to talk, but was unable to. And I could tell when she fell asleep, but I kept reading to her and then she'd wake again. I believe words go into our spirits ...even if we aren't conscious. And I held the lilac blossom candle while reading for awhile because it did smell like fresh lilacs were in the room.
I am confused about something. When I mentioned her being in a coma, the nurse said she wasn't in a coma and hadn't been as far as she knew. Yet yesterday ..a friend and her husband again referred to her as being in a coma. The nurse thought that perhaps with the anxiety of it all they had misunderstood. So that is good. But ...when I came in she told me "she's not good." And when I was leaving, I asked about the one monitor and the nurse stated her vitals were good, but she's not doing ..and I interrupted ..wanting to keep it positive and just said that I;m believing she will heal. And the nurse and I had spoken about the importance of being careful not to be negative around patients because they can hear and discussed a couple of books in which people had miracles. So ..I knew she understood what I was doing. (I want to do a post about medical staff and what others say around patients when they think the patient can't hear them). Also, she is not on pain med anymore.
So that was Friday night.
Saturday, I came home to a voice mail from a friend all excited ..stating that she was shocked that Marian is talking. She said she saw her the day before and it was a slap in the face to see her in that state, there is no way she could be talking and it's like a "MIRACLE" (her emphasis), that she was talking yesterday. And she said her other friend ..whom she referred to as a high tech nurse said, "This just doesn't happen." and couldn't believe she was talking to them. Her husband was also in shock.
I have not spoken with anyone about it yet and so I don't know what it means, or how unusual it is ..if it is. I don't know if Marian even knows I was with her for those few hrs the night before ...that I was reading Bible scriptures about healing over her, prayed for her 3 different times ..with the last time I gently placed my hands in an area in which I know there is a history of concern. I had also told her about all the people, the churches, her priest ..that so many people were praying for her. Anyway ...this mutual friend went on for at least a minute on my voice mail about how everyone is shocked she is talking.
I couldn't help but think about the night before and all the faith in miracle healing I was sharing with her and most importantly ...the actual scriptures from God's word on healing (God's medicine), and faith being read over her. Thank God for doctors, nurses, medicine and all medical staff and the skill with which they facilitate healing in patients. But ...only God can do the actual healing. Did hearing His word spoken over her ...into her make the difference? Was hope renewed within her? All the prayers? I don't know if anyone else knows that I did those things. I went at night because I didn't know if it would be possible to spend that kind of time with her during the day.
I also admit, I went later than I wanted to initially, because I was nervous about what I'd see. It's one thing when you are working with patients, but it is entirely different when it is someone in your personal life. I also didn't know what I was going to say and was nervous about that and so while driving over there, I prayed for God to help me say things that would help her. I had no idea I would stay almost 4 hours. As I was getting up to leave, the nurse came in and said, "You did good." I didn't do it to hear that, but I just pray ...it really helped her. At the very least provided some encouragement, hope, peace and those things provided some strength. I know it is very serious. I know not everyone is healed. But I also know that sometimes people are healed in ways that can't be explained from a medical perspective. And I also know that she is so seriously ill ...that only God can heal her at this point.
There is also another mutual friend that works there that has messaged me in FB a few times - just telling me, "Keep praying for Marian."
We all are praying for her. And if you feel inclined to ...your prayers for her are most certainly welcome too. Power in prayer!
PS - I will just add ...that if I were that ill (God Forbid), I would appreciate that someone would take the time to pray for and encourage me ...even if it looked hopeless ...especially if it looked hopeless. At the very least ...hearing God's word is comforting ...but those words also have power and can facilitate healing.
Friday, March 29, 2013
A friend has been in the hospital since Tuesday of last week ...seriously ill. She went into a coma yesterday/last night - I'm not sure and is now in ICU. A mutual friend called me...crying ...to update me and she said it's bad, that they aren't optimistic. I called her husband to give support. He confirmed what our friend said. I just can't believe this and feel sick inside. So here I am at 3am ...writing. About a month ago or so, she had an emergency surgery for a femoral hernia with gangrene. She hadn't had any symptoms prior to the initial pain attack that caused her to go to the ER via ambulance that night. She was home seemingly doing alright, aside from fluid leaking from the staples and was told that was normal. She was cut from her chest ...all the way down and she's tall and so she had a lot of staples. But she had a positive attitude about it ..just as she does with everything. I don't know why she went back into the hospital, but she's been so ill in there with so many things that have been going wrong - serious things and she been in so much pain and on Morphine. But her husband said she didn't have an infection and they stopped the antibiotics early on. Several doctors were trying to determine what was causing it all the way into this week. But tonight he told me that her liver and kidneys couldn't handle the surgery.
It's all such a shock to us. She is too young for this!
It is surreal. I had spoken with her a couple of weeks ago and she was doing well ..except for the leaking staples. She had wanted me to bring her to the doctor, but I was ill with that stupid upper respiratory thing and the last thing she needed was to be around me. But we spoke for awhile. At that point she wasn't cleared for driving yet. I was concerned about the staples, but otherwise she was herself.
She has been suffering with all the things not working right in her body while in the hospital these last 9 days. She's been profoundly weak the entire time ...unable to do anything for herself - not even feed herself. They gave her oxygen Monday.
Talking drained her. She's always been one of the most upbeat people I know and when we get together we always share hearty laughter. But, she's been too weak for humor. I can't stop thinking about her. I even called the hospital switchboard just before writing this post ...just to make sure she is still in ICU. I tell my friend to think positive thoughts and then I go and do that.
I'm going to see her tomorrow - God willing ...and I plan to talk to her ...even if she is in a coma. I think it is important to communicate with patients even when you think they can't hear you. Because ...what if they can? Encouragement and updating the patient with positive things is so important.
Although, I am praying, and have been praying and I know that many people are also praying for her.
But the more the better. And if you feel so inclined could you please say a prayer or send warm thoughts to Marian for her healing. There is power in prayer and miracles do happen. People do come out of comas. I really do believe this. Thank you.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
SeaSpray ...totally under the weather a couple of weeks ago. Now you know what I REALLY look like ...when I'm sick. Green has never been a good color for me. ;)
So ...there I was ...lying on my back, fantasizing in bed ...at my most M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E from the upper respiratory infection from ..well you know where ..that fiery furnace place. Although, I guarantee you I would never ever surround myself with bedsheets with a math computations design. Those bedsheets would be a surefire catalyst to my having NIGHTMARES. Ugh MATH NIGHTMARES!! Perish the thought!
But I digress.
This illness was sooo bad, that I wondered if it was the flu ...but it wasn't. It hit everyone so quickly in both our immediate family and older son's family ...although he managed to avoid it. It took us all down. It definitely wasn't just one of those annoying, but you basically breeze through it kind of colds, etc. And I really didn't have cold symptoms ...or at least they were minimal. But with my chest squeaking and feeling heavy, challenged breathing and coughing ...I was afraid I'd never be able to inhale again once I got to coughing and wondering if I should go to the ER ...ugh was both draining and unnerving.
While I was rendered as useless and overcome as this little green critter, (okay I didn't die - obviously;), by the URI ...I was so frustrated and miserable ...that I began fantasizing about being a doctor ...and what *I* would do to eradicate this infection once and for all. And then I came up with a song ...If I Were a Doctor.
The only thing more pathetic than me singing a song is me trying to sing any song while sick. So ...I sang in my head - which sounded better than usual anyway. :) What can I say ...it's all I had for my amusement that day ...because even reading sapped too much energy. :)
And I was thinking of Dr WhiteCoat and feeling annoyed at him. Why you ask?
Shhhh ...I will tell you if you don't tell him. ;)
He didn't do anything wrong. It was just me annoyed that I knew he was probably right. Of course he has no idea about any of this ...but I was just annoyed about it all because I liked my way better.
And that is when I decided what *I* really wanted to do and would do if I could. Then that first fantasy lead to a continuation of the fantasy in song. Power of mind over matter helped ..even though it was just this SeaSpray's imagination. I guess I was angry and frustrated about looking and feeling like I was for so darn long and so I enjoyed both being defiant and all the the visuals. Yeah ...I was really living on the wild side of medicine ... in my mind's eye. :)
You can't blame an under the weather SeaSpray for plotting, planning and wishing. :)
This seems like a good place to stop for now. Otherwise the post would be a lot longer and I have so many things to do right now. So ...to be continued. :)
I haven't forgotten about my follow-up post to my dreaded PCP appointment and will get around to that too. Life has been busy for sure. :)
Friday, March 22, 2013
I wish I could be right at her side, holding her hand the entire time.
So ...this is weird ...that I am now keyed up at 03:30 in the morning because of a surgery in the morning. Yes ...a trip to the OR ...but it's not me this time. It's my granddaughter. She's scheduled for the OR at 07:00 and will be getting a bone graft in her foot. We are so grateful that the cyst was benign - thank God. Our boys rarely went to the pediatrician ...except for their vaccines and a few small things here and there. And thankfully they never had to have any surgery. I just hate the idea of our AngelGirl having to go through all that. And I REALLY wish I could be there with her too. But ...her little brother and sister will be here at 5 am ...ready to seize the day, I'm sure. They are always excited when they come over here. I bought them a large red ball last night. :) I'm hoping since it will still be dark that they might sleep ...but I don't know. I made up a pretty pink, arty flower bag with festive pink ribbons ...filled with magazines, a lip gloss, a card with a little money and attached a smiley face helium balloon. :) I wish I thought to get a plush stuffed animal. I'm still wearing my clothes so I can just run out to her to give her the gift bag and a cheery warm hug. Part of the problem is also because I wanted to be up at 04:45. Part of me is keyed up and the other part that is tired ..overrides that because I know I want to get up exactly at that time.
I do the same thing when I have to go to the OR (which seems like a distant memory now - see my previous Sunday post below about being stent free :) I hate being NPO but, would rather do it for her. And admittedly, I can see I am controlling a bit in that I wish I was overseeing that she sticks to NPO, but of course her parents are more than capable of doing that.
Boy ...you love and want to protect your grandchildren every bit as much as you do your own children.
I have to think of something to write on her cast.
Update 05:50 pm: She's on the other side of it and doing well.
This was before going in.
She recovered quickly from the anesthesia. They also gave her a nerve block below the knee and in her foot and so she's not feeling anything yet. They had her up and learning how to walk on crutches by noon. She has a cast.
I have to say, it helps to be able to see her and we talked on the phone this morning and have communicated via Facebook. Pretty neat, actually. She even took a pic of herself showing herself hooked up to the IV and ready to roll into the OR. She was brave about all of it. As always, we are very proud of her.
And I've only slept 2 hours since yesterday morning and during that 2 hours I was kicked repeatedly by the little ones sharing the bed with me. :) So ..I don't know that I would say I've slept. Actually, right now I'm not even tired. I was ...but it passed.
I am so glad she is on the other side of this.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
First Happy St Patrick's day! I hope those of you that celebrate, enjoyed the day ...or weekend. :) I am including St Patrick's Day with this urology post because today is my TWO YEAR anniversary since the LAST ureteral stent was removed from me.
Wait! Let me say that again.
TODAY IS MY TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY SINCE THE LAST URETERAL STENT WAS REMOVED FROM ME!!!
Near miraculous ...I tell you!
Tonight - I will just keep this simple.
I have said it before and I just have to say it again ...I am so GRATEFUL to God for healing me. Doctors also facilitate healing, but God still does the actual healing. And I am so grateful to my main urologist. He listened to me ...he really listened to me. And he worked with me. He gave me ONE more chance to heal via ureteral stenting. It was a LARGE stent that stayed in me longer than the other stents and let me tell you ...by the time March 17, 2011 came around ...I was ready to birth that stent. I felt as though I couldn't go another day. I was done. Of course if I was told I had to ...I would have. But it was getting increasingly difficult to tolerate by the day at that point.
Again, I will write about all of this some time in the future as one who has come through a fiery trial and now able to look back.
But ...what if? What if my urologist didn't give me that ONE last chance with a stent? I would've had to have the surgery. What if I did have the surgery? We'll never know.
But ..here I am tonight ...TWO years later ...still stent FREE and still NO high risk surgery.
I'm thinking this HAS to be it ...right? DONE!
NEAR MIRACULOUS ...I tell you. :)
I am just so glad that my doctor cared enough to listen, respected my concerns and was willing to try ...one last time. I also know that he would not hesitate to override my concerns if he had to. And we did have the understanding ...I agreed ..that if it didn't work ...I knew the surgery was the next step.
But ...PRAISE GOD! THANK YOU URODOC! This SeaSpray is HEALED ...permanently STENT FREE!!
And so now ...not only is St Patrick's Day a nice day to celebrate and have a wonderful Irish dinner ...but I will also always have this day to be GRATEFUL ...remembering the GOODNESS of God and feeling appreciative of my dear urologist's efforts through all of this.... because ...my right ureter has HEALED. :)
Friday, March 15, 2013
I don't like eating clams.
I don't like feeling like one!
I've been feeling so intermittently clammy since beginning of the week with this upper respiratory infection. My hair actually gets wet/damp and so do my clothes. It's like a COLD Hot flash! All I need is a real hot flash at the same time. Okay that would totally mess with me. It's an awful feeling and while some things are improved (sore throat gone), I feel so weak and just can't get that heavy feeling, crackly sounding stuff out of my chest and I know that is what is doing it.
Ohhh and I WANT ANTIBIOTICS and I WANT THEM B-A-D!!!
As a matter of fact ...my next post will be about how much I want antibiotics and am using great restraint to not go into PCP office ...but if I have to ...I will BEG and then GROVEL at his feet ...CLING onto HIS ANKLES and let him DRAG ME down the hall and into every patient room until he says I CAN HAVE ANTIBIOTICS. I will...I tell you ....I will ...if I have to.
PS - I haven't forgotten about my update post about what happened when I went into the much dreaded PCP appointment. This uri just took me down a bit. I will come back to that post sometime soon.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Okay - so my idea needs perfecting - no need for a foley bag - I just want the tiniest size catheter. Although - if we could do this - a foley bag at the other end ...in the nether regions would be needed at night. It would be worth it though, if it alleviated pain. I shall explain.
I wish we didn't have to swallow when we have a sore throat.
I wish there was a way to just keep some kind of tiny hydration CONSTANTLY going down my throat ...like with a tiny catheter ..you know just fasten it somehow so it doesn't affect the gag reflex, but you could still have a constant cool or warm salty intermittent drip to keep throat soothed. And it should have a tiny spritzer capability ...for those times when you just want to spritz. "Sorry - can't talk, I'm throat spritzing." Better yet - is there any reason why we can't have Pyridium for a sore throat? A sore throat Pyridium product!
Heh! Actually ...I kind of did that once and scared myself too. It was January 1, 2006 ...around 9 in the morning. I didn't know I had a constricted ureter, sepsis, etc., and I thought I just had a urinary tract infection, admittedly of epic proportions. Aside from the to the bone ...seriously uncontrollable chills - my hands couldn't hold anything and all I could do was lie down. I had that night after getting home from work, I was now very nauseated feeling in the morning ...the kind where you stay so still and bargain with God. I also had been given Pyridium and antibiotics by the ER doctor I worked with the night before and just believed the antibiotics had to kick in and is why I ignored Mr SeaSpray's pleas to take me back to the ER. (Okay - so there is a definite pattern with me as I mentioned in the previous post -and I went through much more before I finally gave in around 7 that night. Then I thought I WAS dying - but didn't tell them and still wanted to drive in and so we did. DUMB with a capital "D!") Anyway that morning - I had to take my medications again, and pyridium was one of them. So I did. And then not too long after, I vomited them back up.
And my entire mouth, tongue and throat felt numb. It scared me because I was concerned it would affect my breathing somehow. (I'm NOT a medical person) But I weathered it.
If only they could perfect a safe Pyridium like drug for a wicked DRAGON FIRE BREATHING sore throat. Just saying. My voice is so compromised now and no one can hear me unless near by and I can't shout. I'm thinking this may be working nicely for the guys in the house. :)
By the way, if it is true that we are the culmination of all past experiences ..being a frequent flier urology patient at one time has obviously inspired this post.
But ..what if? What if it worked? Just putting it out there.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
But very much feels like Saturday night.
Weird how that happens.
And now it is Saturday and has very much felt like Sunday all day. I can only assume then ...that tomorrow - Sunday will feel like Monday.
So ...somehow - I've gone back in time.
Yet tonight - time moves forward with clocks being set ahead for day light savings time. ?
So ...since I've gone back a day and the clock moves forward an hour ...maybe somehow it will just be Monday on Monday - all back to normal.
BTW - I don't know why - But I never like daylight savings time in the spring and I don't like March. I guess I don't like giving up cozy winter nights, etc. And March is a transitional month. It's not hardcore winter and not really spring. It's just March.
Then when April rolls around ...I'm ready for long days and warm weather.
And right now ...I am ready for a bucket load of antibiotics to help me feel better even tho I know it is just a virus.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Photo Credit -This picture is an optical illusion of a whale appearing to breathe fire out of it's blowhole, at sunset. It doesn't have anything to do with this post other than my reference to "DRAGON FIRE" farther down in this post. It's just prettier than using dragons. :)
So ...in my last post, I wrote about my dreading the PCP appointment I was going to HAVE to go to in a few hours. I don't recall ever not wanting to go to a doctor appointment more ...unless it was for a stent removal or for the dentist. (Well - except I wasn't afraid of having physical pain in the PCP visit - just other things) Okay ...maybe the orthopaedic doctor ...I dreaded going to him after I had walked around with an exacerbating painful torn meniscus for a YEAR. (I can be stubborn and obviously wrong) I was hobbling by the end of the year - from when I first tripped on toys and injured myself. I fell in November 1995 and didn't have the meniscal repair until November, 1996. I lived on 600 mg of I-Buprofen. By the fall of 96, my ER coworkers were telling me I should get it looked at. I gave in when one night, I had to elevate my leg on another chair while at my desk. And it wasn't any day at the beach chasing down ambulances in a busy ER or young children at home. Really when I think about that - I wasted so much quality time I could've had - living without pain because Orthodoc fixed me right up. I don't know what I imagined. Wait - yes I do. My neighbor had had some kind of knee surgery in which his knee was filleted open and he was out of commission for 8 weeks and then had complications. Of course ...I should have at least just gone to see what it was. And ...also ...I didn't want to go either.
I would be more afraid to have cervical biopsy without any kind of pain block ...ever again. There is that too. I really like my OBGYN - but he seemed to take on the appearance of Dr Mengele that night. I did write about that night in here. I don't feel like looking for it to link to, but suffice it to know that the pain was so intense that I pushed the speculum right back out. I think we were both sweating and stressed that night. And it did cause me not to call him back about a concern because I never want to endure that again either. Although - that resolved ..or I would have even though I would've been one recalcitrant SeaSpray once I got there ...with feet bracing against every door they had to pull me through until they got me into the exam room. I'm just saying.
I have a friend who has refused to go back for a follow up with a breast biopsy because the pain was so horrendous. Fortunately it was during the last decade and so if it had been cancer - I think it would've been apparent by now. They couldn't find the cyst and the radiologist kept probing. For the love of GOD, why aren't women given one pain medication for that procedure??? They just give a local which did not take care of deep down into her breast.
But I digress.
Hmmm ...regular readers ...do you see a pattern in my patient behavior here. Anyway - going in for same day surgery and having the torn meniscus repaired was such a good thing that I tell anyone contemplating it to go ahead and do it because they will leave better than when they walked in. That being said ...when I tore the same meniscus ...AGAIN ...7 years later when falling on my way out to the jetty in Manasquan ...I hurt a little and so I did put it off. Until I was helping with an event in which I had to stand the entire ....ENTIRE night and from that point on it was obvious I had to get checked. Which I did and had the surgery a couple of months later. But I put it off because of work considerations.
So ...why am I telling you all of this? Not sure. This is a post in itself. I have been in a place in my life in which I have needed to follow up on a few medical things and have gone in the opposite direction. But ...you know how that works ...with anything you procrastinate on and try to pretend it doesn't exist ...it haunts you and so you really just have this somewhat cloudy time in the sun with the supposed freedom you have when you ignore things. You almost always know what you should do - have to do.
Anyway ...this is not at all what I planned on writing. I have a miserable upper respiratory infection. Our son usually breezes through a cold, but last week the one that got him had him down for the count. of course life doesn't stop and so he bought himself Thera Flu, Mucinex and other cold remedies to keep going ..oh and cough medicine. SeaSpray - the germaphobe that she can be ...was doing her best to wipe down (using Clorox wipes) every handle she thought he'd be using, gave him his own tissue boxes and did Bruce Lee maneuvers to jump and duck out of the way of projectile sneezing and coughing. Okay so that last part is just her imagination gone a bit wild ...he covers his mouth - she just needed an excuse to leap on the counters and furniture. ;) Heck she even takes her robe, or paper towels to open the fridge, etc. She's also always had this rule that whoever has a cold has to carry around their own little plastic store bag and put their tissues in it vs leaving them where they can drop and land on things. And she keeps her hands away from her face. Is that overboard?
Okay ..I don't know why I went into 3rd person. I must've been distancing myself from my germaphobe ways. I'll just add, I usually wipe down the phone and computer and remotes, except he doesn't use those things. I never used to be like this until I began working at the hospital and saw how everything gets wiped down. And even then ...I never thought about the phones, until a coworker told me she always wipes down the phone at work ..even if people haven't been sick because so many people use them and you have it up close to your face.
I am always amazed at people who talk on the phone with their lower lip touching the receiver. I think we are all so much more informed today about preventing exposure to infections. But ...I am the only person I know in private life that take precautions at home. But ...geeeee ..getting sick just is not fun.
Another thing - when I think of all the colds, flu, strep, stomach viruses, etc., that patients came in with that I was exposed to for 20 years ...I find it interesting that I hardly caught anything while working. You would think that working in a hospital is like working in one big petri dish of infections and disease that you would always be susceptible to, but it doesn't work like that. I don't know why. Yet ...if the boys came home with something ...it often made the rounds through the family. Not always, but more often than not. I guess because you can't get away from it.
Now ...what I was really going to tell you is that I wrote a follow-up post to my medical appointment post, and was just getting to the more serious part that I still want to write. (Of course this SeaSpray has to vent with humor first :) And nothing horribly serious - I just mean that I will get serious about our discussion - between the PCP and me. But since I'm under the weather a bit ..with a sore throat that feels like DRAGON FIRE is burning it (although - I'm not opting to drool ad so I'm thinking it's not strep, although ....I DON'TWANTTOTALKEITHER), sniffly - but not all the horrible sneezing and stuffiness son had ...but rather it went right to my throat and chest ..so much junk and yet it breaks up and so I can breathe clearly for the most part. WHERE does it all come from anyway? Is there a mucus factory on overtime manufacturing all this junk in my chest? It feels heavy in my upper and a tiny bit in my lower chest and yet air goes in. Actually - it feels tighter toward the top of my chest and then breaks through to my lower lungs in a GLORIOUS way ...letting all that wonderful air be inhaled ...clearly ...deep down within. The difference in air passage is like my lower lungs are having epiphany moments of inhalation ...so profoundly ...clear. I am EXHAUSTED with a capital "E."
And so ...I don't know whatever possessed me to decided to clean our kitchen hutch today. Like spring clean kind of cleaning. It started with removing extra clutter that had accumulated. Then I took the other things off. Then I thoroughly dusted and windexed it all. Then I told Mr SeaSpray (also getting this URI), that I am just going to dust the dishes I display and will wash them in the spring ...but of course I washed every sniffle one and they are air drying as I type. I did take a tiny nap in between. I don't nap and so that tells you I'm spent with this stupid uri. Now I have to put it all back and plus I have been putting other things away too.
Oh ...wait ...I know why I took this on today. SNOW LIGHT! The house was so bright with all the snow light reflecting inside, the hutch just jumped out at me. That snow light was so bright, that I felt like I needed sunglasses in the house even though it was still cloudy and snowing. I do love Snow Light because I am a bright light person by day and then all cozy lighting at night.
Anyway ...I may watch movies all night, or blog or keep doing one more thing around the house until I can't anymore or all of the above. Mr SeaSpray already went to bed. Oh and yesterday I had the very busy wee ones over here all day and I decided that it is easier to go to work sick than it is to feel this way and take care of little ones all day. I had forgotten about that. But we had fun anyway. They are just so darn sweet and cute. :)
Our younger son's friend is home from the Coast Guard this weekend and so they and their buddies are all out camping tonight. BRRRR! I wonder how they got up on the mountain with the snow. ? I wish I had the stamina earlier in the day to make a big pot of chile for them to take. But, I'll make it tomorrow if they are still having a bonfire here tomorrow night.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Warning to any doctors reading this post. You will be rolling your eyes so much during this non compliant patient's post that you may become dizzy. I advise you to take precautions.
I am NOT looking forward to going to my PCP appointment today!! As a matter of fact ...I would be seriously tempted to do what the lady in the cartoon above did ...except I can't whistle ...not unless whistling on inhale only ...qualifies as whistling and so there goes my cover. Also ...there aren't any windows in the exam room I will be in. Heh ...no doubt my doctor just thinks of everything ...stickler that he is. ;)
Some doctor's offices will be getting some goodies tomorrow. I so enjoy doing that. :)
Speaking of goodies ...they are part of the reason I don't want to go in tomorrow. Ugh! Total and complete denial ...resistance of epic proportions. I do not want to go see my PCP tomorrow. And I like him - it's not personal.
Okay ...FINE ..I'll explain.
I don't know why, but ever since the electric was out after hurricane Sandy ...I have been struggling with weight ...yo-yoing up and down within a certain range. When we didn't have electric, one of the types of food we got was fast food ...something I had pretty much given up and lost my taste for back in 2005. Also creamy soups (comfort food), and junk that I just never brought into the house anymore ..because it was easy and I guess comforting. And here is the thing ...at first I didn't like it all that much because I had changed my tastes. I was breaking my healthy lifestyle habits I had established for at least 5 years now. I know it turned into emotional eating. You know ...the kind of eating when you're not hungry - but you're feeding your emotions ...except you also begin to live unconsciously ..aware and yet in denial of your behavior patterns ...or at least even the guilt and healthy goals for a quality life aren't enough to snap you out of it. Not even fear of the doctor's scale or consequences of tipping the scale upward in the exam. See ...I rarely drink, don't smoke or do drugs. Or gamble, shop or anything like that. But food ...well I guess that has always been my drug of choice. Comfort food. Plus I love to cook and bake and feed other people. Home and hearth - food represents so many good things ...stability, warmth, love, fun ..all good things. Thank God I did not even come close to gaining all the weight I lost some years ago, but I will be going in about 5, 7 maybe 10lbs heavier than when I saw him in December. And I had gained 10 more than that! Thankfully I got that back off and I should've reversed it all and then some ...but I have been struggling for sure and I don't know why exactly. Also the CT massacre ... everything just felt so off this past fall and Christmas. It's not a conscious decision. I never say ..I am eating x,y and z because I want to feel better. No ..it's more insidious. And yet I could see myself drifting and I didn't car ...enough to stop. But I guess I did because if I really ate like in my past ...I could've gained all the weight back pretty easily. Okay - it definitely could've been worse. And at least I am here ..acknowledging it ...making this all concrete in my mind.
Okay ...back to the doctor appointment!
Ive been sort of fasting since today because we all know a day and a half of hardly eating will wipe away my sins of the last FOUR months. NO? Well ... I'm also trying to figure out what items of clothing and jewelery I can wear while being weighed that will be as light as air ...or better yet maybe my guardian angel could help me out with a little incognito lifting while I'm on the scale? Why not? Miracles DO happen. Far be it from me to refuse the assistance of my guardian angel. (Hear me Angel - just saying. :) Or if I can sneak a hand onto the wall and push up - thus lowering my weight ...or maybe BRIBE the M/A ...or ...distract her with a look of horror, exclaiming, "YIKES is that a SPIDER dropping down by the back of your HEAD?!" and while she jumps out of the way, I stealthily move the weight down 15 or so pounds. I could do that. And then in puzzlement while looking down ...all around the floor, say,"Ugh I don't know WHERE that spider went!" Yeah ...THAT sounds like a good plan.
But ...even if I get away with that, it's not just the weight.
Here's the rest of the story behind my resistance to going in to face my PCP.
I had lab work Friday and he is watching my A1c, which I think numbers aren't bad - not like he expresses concern about, but he seems to be more particular than my former PCP. Normally ...I would not be so concerned ...but ...remember that I said I've been struggling ...well I had so many sweets since SANDY ...right thru Christmas and after ...that I am surprised syrup didn't come out of me for a urine specimen. In December, the poor uro M/A probably had the test strip stuck in the middle of my urine syrup specimen. Fortunately ...they aren't particular about that with me. The problem is that the A1c checks blood glucose levels from the present to 3 months back. Just great! Not only Sandy and other stress factors but HOLIDAY time.
Well then SeaSpray, you ask ...how is it that you are baked desserts tonight? Good question. This is actually the PERFECT night to do all this baking because...
And wouldn't you know it ...for some reason unbeknownst to me ...said new PCP also decided to add on a lipid profile and he never does that except for my yearly physical. And I do have a good lipid profile ..except the good cholesterol needs to come up. I've heard that sugar can elevate triglycerides and I hope that did not happen. And I have not been monitoring my bgl, but he knew that in October and didn't say anything when I told him I don't because it isn't that bad and I don't want to stick myself all the time. (BUT - I didn't test even once.) And then ...my blood pressure seemed to have been up at levels that if he knew ...he would have me on a new or increased med so fast ...which I also don't want to do. I will say ..it was good today. And has been on and off. But was really high a couple of weeks ago. There was also a very stressful situation going on and on top of that I was worried about someone else's health. And I do think that a steady diet of politics can't be good. Put all of these things together and the weight gain and no wonder my blood pressure went up. The reason I've been avoiding my appointment is because I don't want to end up on some medication that causes hair loss. I have seen that in some women and I hardly want to be sporting tufts of long hair sprouting out the middle of bald spots - just saying.
The thing is ...this appointment will be humiliating for me because ...you see ...I made a bargain with him in December because I was trying to keep him from increasing medications and also because I wanted to for myself and I could feel the added weight which was also discouraging.
So, I said ...give me just one more chance to lose weight and these blood pressure and A1c numbers will come down.
But later today, I...now ...to have to go in and weigh MORE than when he last saw me. *SIGH!*
Ha! If you happen to see a medical office scale go flying out a window ..or door ...or is somehow airborne tomorrow ...then that will mean that you are probably near my doctor's medical office and I found a way to lob it out of the exam room before the M/A utters those 9 dreaded words - "Stand on the scale so I can weigh you." But if you hear a woman scream ..."N-O-O-O-O....NOT the S-C-A-L-E!", then that will mean that you are probably near my doctor's medical office and I did not find a way to lob said scale out of the exam room before the M/A utters those 9 dreaded words - "Stand on the scale so I can weigh you.", Nor did I scare or bribe the M/A ...no guardian angel assistance ...just the M/A, the scale, my doctor and me ...and my results.
I am hoping that I have a good report with my recent lab tests.
I am glad this relatively new PCP stays on me about what he wants me to do. I know he is looking out for me. I do appreciate him. I just don't want to do any of this anymore.
But ...if I really mean that ...then one of the best things I can do for myself is be a more compliant patient and then I CAN reverse the diabetes and hypertension.
And I've also told my urologist and gynecologist that I will be losing weight and when I say it ..I believe it ..I really do. It's embarrassing for sure.
I am guessing that doctors see this all the time. Still ...I really don't want this to be the status quo for me and so hopefully ...my owning up to this by writing in this blog will be a catalyst for getting me to focus and hunker down on what I KNOW to do.
And so later I get the lab results ...drum roll please....
Sunday, March 3, 2013
I can hardly wait to watch this Bible movie series - starting tonight (EST) at 8pm on the History Channel. Definitely a keeper and I will want to buy it for sure. I've already set the entire series to record.
“This is an epic drama that’s endeavoring to tell the literal — as literal as we could be given our production constraints — translation of this book that has shaped the world and the people who live in it.” ~ New York Times
It was created by Roma Downey and her husband, Mark Burnett. And here is a video of them discussing the series content and how they chose to present the 5 hours of Old Testament and 5 hours New Testament. Roma will be playing Mary, the mother of Jesus. I think it is going to be a powerful and entertaining movie series.
I find it interesting that the opening air date is 3/3/2013 because the number 3: "is the numerical signature of God. 3 is the number of personal completeness. It is the number of the Godhead, it stands for the triune God. It is formed by 1+1+1, but if the 1's are multiplied, the result is still 1. So God is three in one and one in three. In geometry two lines do not make a cube. Hence 2 is an incomplete number while 3 is the complete number. It therefore represents God. A complete man is formed with spirit, soul and body. 3 is also a number of resurrection. The Lord Jesus is resurrected on the third day. The earth came of the water on the third day. There are many references to the number 3.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
I just killed a little baby bunny on my way home tonight.
On the highway.
This cute little critter ran right into my path. I quickly tried to brake but was too close and so I zigged to right while he zagged to the left. It all happened so fast. Basically the bunny did a panicked and confused serpentine right in front of me and was in the clear for a second. Then he ran back to my center and I hoped I'd be over the top of him and gone before he ran back out from under. And then he zagged to get away and I felt him under my left back tire. The poor little thing was so scared it didn't know what to do. :(
That is such a horrible feeling.
And before Easter. I know it's not delivering Easter eggs, isn't Peter Rabbit, but I'll be reminded as I shop for Easter goodies... road kill in a basket.
I have to say that between all the things that went wrong/happened yesterday ...it was not the best of days. And even though the bunny accident was technically today, I am counting it as yesterday so that today will be a clean slate-better day. And if things come in threes ...than I should be done.
As soon as I got out of bed yesterday I felt like both knees were hit with a hammer and I had that kind of pain all day when ever I walked or got up and down. I have no idea why because I was fine the day before - just normal ..manageable pain. But today was horrible. Horrible with a capital "H." And I actually wondered if all the orthovisk leaked out of my knees overnight. Is that possible? I just had the injections the last week in December and first two weeks in January. And as I walked into the store tonight, I fantasized about going to see orthodoc Monday and telling him I would go in for surgery the next day because I cannot live with this kind of pain. Believe me ...the last thing this SeaSpray would happily fantasize about is going in for surgery. If only it were that easy and I could put it behind me. I really would do it next Tuesday! Maybe I the pain will disappear as mysteriously as it came on.
Well ...time for bed. We have a birthday celebration tomorrow. And I did get a nice present, that I am actually excited to give and hope they like it. I was just venting in my previous post.
Friday, March 1, 2013
When feeling mad...
Baking a cake....
Buying a birthday card when you are mad at the person ...is not easy.
The fun of it all is just sucked right out.
the temptation ...
to buy ...
what you really feel like giving them...
Then wrapping ...
said DESERVED presents...
contrasting the content...
quite the temptation...
I tell you!
This too shall pass.
And now I shall shop...
with my imagination ..
even though I will buy...