Thursday, January 16, 2014
Just Pondering ...
I am experiencing this HUGE nesting instinct ...HUGE ...and I can't do enough around here. I have all these ideas for things I want to do ..here and out of house ...but especially here. I feel like there isn't enough time and I have so much to do and time is just breezing by at an accelerated rate!!
I don't know what the creator of the poster intended, but I am interpreting it as God helping me ...supporting me. And to chill. And to focus on what is most important as I look ahead. I CAN do it! Keep my eyes on the goal and know I'm not alone and will be so happy when I get to where I really want to be. Okay where I really, really want to be if I wasn't resisting on some level ...many levels.
And then did you ever want to do something ...think you SHOULD do something ...but no one else thinks you should and so you go with the status quo ...but you have this feeling ...this gnawing feeling you SHOULD go with your instinct and yet you too also agree about it to a point because there is a logic to it and you WANT to do the expected ..probably right thing but ...you get that internal whisper in your spirit? Which do you listen to ...the internal whisper in your spirit or the logic? But then what am I saying here? I guess I have to try to locate the source of the whisper ..the root of it. And pray ...really pray about it ..more than just fleetingly.
Wait ...duh! Nesting? It's just how I felt prior to what seemed to be impending reconstructive uro surgery. I felt like I wasn't ready and that I had things to get in order. Plus ...this time around ...I don't know what to expect as far as rehabbing with knew knee. I'm trying to create perfect world. Perfectly organized house. Perfectly organized paperwork ...even pictures if I get to them. Perfectly organized with tests ...or I guess just get them done to be sure clear for surgery and hoping for perfect results.
And I suppose my directing my energies this way is one way of taking the edge off. I need to go to the Y and swim. It's been so cold that I've been avoiding it ..which is silly because it is heated inside ..and I LOVE to swim ...and it would be so good to do anytime ...but especially prior to surgery.
And it's not like I've never been to the OR ..although not since 2011 - March 17, 2011 ..although that was only a procedure. But I have had 2 C-sections and 2 meniscal repairs. I wasn't as concerned about risks back then. I spent so much energy on avoiding the reconstructive uro surgery ...concerned about the concerns ...that I'm not so innocent about the OR anymore. I'm thinking of that OR post I wrote years ago ...that moment when you say good bye to your family and you have to surrender yourself in the OR. Can I be dramatic or what? :)
Anyway ...life has been stressful lately and even this past Christmas season had it's challenges. This too shall pass. I am so ready for new beginnings on so many fronts.
And going through with this surgery is a major step in the right direction.
Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.
And I have to remember Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
And ...I am also grateful for the many blessings in my life. Thankfully ...life is also good in many ways. And I'm not complaining ...just pondering a bit.