Wednesday, February 26, 2014

A SeaSpray's Nuclear Stress Test Experience ...

Okay here is an update regarding the nuclear stress test that I was afraid to have.  It actually wasn't a big deal at all because I BREEZED right through it.  Not that it was a day at the beach, but was nothing scary like I had imagined it to be.  And yes was a creepy ...unsettling thought to think that a medication could induce my heart to work harder.  I mean ...seriously ...*I* don't even make it do that.  Such a disturbing concept I tell you ...and admittedly it had magnified in my mind ...over the course of 4 years if I even seriously contemplated going along with this test.  Just saying.  ;)  So ...I want to share my experience and perhaps this post will help someone else.

But first here are the test results:  Normal heart function.  No defects.

Woohoo!!  :)

Thank you, thank you, thank you Dear God!!!

I mostly believed I would get a good report ...but I still have to lose more weight, do have hypertension and sometimes the numbers do elevate ...and I'm not always the most compliant patient ... and I guess mostly the weight was concerning me.  Sometimes I feel like walking sin in terms of what I have done to my body for what I perceive to be the catalyst of anything wrong ...being overweight.  I mean only God knows for sure ...but I do not believe I would have Type II diabetes, hypertension or knee issues- now needing replacements if I hadn't gained weight.

And I guess because I know there is a cardiac history on my maternal side ...although they were all elderly before they had those issues ...and because of the weight ...lack of exercise ...I allowed fear to cause me to avoid.  Which is the wrong thing to do - I know.

BTW, I am still counting on outliving ..with a quality life paternal great grandmother who lived until almost 103.   :)
And now I shall tell you about my experience and the phone call after the test.

First of all ...the receptionist and other staff that came in and out of her registration area and out to get the patients to bring in the back, were warm and friendly... with easy smiles.  It had a calming ...welcoming effect that put me at ease.  To physicians and office managers (I know you know this), it truly matters what type of person represents you in your reception area.  They are the people on the front lines of your office that represent you and could possibly set the tone for the rest of their experience.  No patient should ever have to feel uncomfortable because of a cold, uncaring ...possibly judging employee. UGH! Fortunately most reception experiences are positive ...but every now and then you have to interact with someone who should be working in a cubicle somewhere away from people.  Most likely they have a gift for some other job ...away from people.    I've said it many times before and I will say it one more time here (it's been awhile :), I am so grateful for the staff at the urology office I went to when I had to go through all the things that I did. Of course my doctor was amazing and having the trust and good rapport with him was most important. I was truly blessed with the right people involved in my care at the right time. Oh how horrible it would've been had they been the unfriendly, mechanical sort know I was just a number standing in line at the deli.  Good staffing matters.  And perhaps I am more attuned to this because I was in the business for 20 years, often going out of my way to be supportive and helpful to patients.  And then I became keenly aware of the patient experience once I became the frequent flier patient on the other side of the desk.  Thankfully ...the worst of that is behind me now.

Anyway ...and I know this may seem silly ...I loved the artwork on the walls in this testing facility..  I could've gotten lost in it.  Pretty ...peaceful ..very nice.  *And something I never would've thought of until having the knee pain ...they had a comfortable raised chair in the waiting room.  Same style/fabric as all the other chairs ...just more patient friendly for those that need it.  The first time I saw one of those was this past summer, in the operating orthopedic doc's waiting room.  They are for the comfort of both hip and knee patients. And I have found they really help minimize pain because it is much easier to get up from the higher position.  I think every medical office should have at least one for their patients.

Okay to the nuclear stress test experience. 

 The thing about a nuclear stress test prepared to wait around awhile.  My test time was about 3 hours.  One woman was there before I got there and still there when I left.

The 2 technicians and the PA that worked with me in the back were terrific.   My favorite tech was the one that laughed at all my jokes.  Ha ha!  Don't you just love it when someone's humor is totally in sync with yours?  :)   But they were all efficient, compassionate, reassuring ...and even interested ...asking me questions about a story I shared.  I don't expect the latter ...but it was nice.  It showed they cared and that helped to put me at ease too. 
I'm not sure, but I think the appointment could've been shorter because it seemed they rotate patients through each step of the way.  So in my case ..the first thing was to be set up so the IV line could go in my arm for when they called me back in for the stress part of the test.  It was at this point that I told the first two techs why I was afraid to do the test.  I figured doing so would explain why they had to pry my feet and then the nails on my hands out of their metal doorway to pull me into the testing room.  Oh and so they would be alerted to reassure me ...assurances I soaked up like a healing balm to my mind and I suppose body since they did relax me a bit more..

After the IV was in, I went back out to the waiting room for awhile, until they called me back in for the photo shoot of my heart.  ;) Okay technically it was a nuclear scan of my heart prior to having the nuclear substance in my body.

This picture process takes a little over 11 minutes, while lying down in the scanner.  I am pretty sure my heart was smiling back at them when they read the scans.  That tech was so darned funny that I told her she had to stop being funny or I be laughing in the machine. And what a CONTRAST (pun intended), in my mood from when I first arrived at the facility.  :) 

At this point, she also put the electrodes on me so they could monitor me during the stress test.

Then back out to the waiting room for awhile.

And then the moment arrived.

It was time to have the nuclear stress test.  Admittedly ...I was again apprehensive about the whole making-my-heart-work-thing and hoping they wouldn't make any mistakes.  And I was concerned about what it would feel like.  Mind you ...I knew better and I was more relaxed thanks to their being so friendly and upbeat ...yet ...mental notes made ...of the exits as I walked back down the hall..  ;)  I'm kidding.  I didn't look for exits.  I already knew where they were.  ;)

So now I had the tech at my side who administered the medication and also called out my blood pressure numbers throughout the test.  And the PA was at my head focused on the information provided during the testing process and telling me what and when to anticipate the different sensations.  Just prior to their starting the test, I was thinking I was glad we were across the street from the hospital.  I really couldn't imagine what it would feel like to have my heart induced to speed up or whatever it would do.  Anyway ...just before they started, I focused on the light above and said a prayer.  Then I amused myself (humor still intact ...although they say there is an element of truth to all humor:), when I thought ...I don't want to go to the light ...look a-w-a-y from the light and I looked away.  Ha ha! :)

And right then the PA began talking me through it ..stating it would be about 6 minutes and I would peak in the middle.  I focused back on the light because it just helped to have a focus.  The PA talked to me every step of the way as the medication ran it's course ...telling me when the medicine was working ... that I would feel a flush in my face when it peaked and then it was already on it's way back down.  It really helped to hear the tech call out my blood pressure numbers which sounded great to me.  Heck ...I've had them higher just sitting in the doctor's office.

It went way faster then I thought and interestingly ...I never felt the face flush she described (And I KNOW what a face flush feels like :) and I wouldn't even have known I peaked if she didn't tell me.  I said, "HOT FLASHES must trump nuclear cardio flushes."  :)

Of COURSE they do!   HOT FLASH vs Nuclear cardio flush? NO contest! 

So then feeling quite relieved ...and surprised ...I said, "Gee ...this must go a LOT faster then the walking -jogging stress test. (I was a real Einstein with that comment. ;) And I didn't get a headache or any side effects either." They both laughed ..and agreed the nuclear tests are faster. And the PA explained that they use a different medication then they used a few years back and it is easier for the patients to tolerate and is a better experience. 

After the stress test they instructed me to go back to the waiting room and to drink three 8 oz cups of water every 10 minutes and then I would be brought back in for another photo shoot scan of my heart with the nuclear medication in it for a before and after comparison.

If I am good at anything is drinking water. I had finished my own bottle and so used their cooler.  And at the cooler an elderly man with the most gorgeous turquoise eyes turquoise as a tropical sea ... began telling me his entire life story. I tried to be supportive when he shared the difficult things, but he couldn't hear me.  And then I was a bit mortified ...when he blurted out how he stopped getting erections in his marriage. He used the "E" word THREE times and only men were in the waiting room at that point ...including Mr SeaSpray, but he was in the far corner ...and probably glad too.  I really was not wanting to discuss some stranger's erection history - EGADS!  But ..I think I stayed as cool as a cucumber  ...outwardly ...and MERCIFULLY the tech came out to get me not long after that.  I smiled graciously, waved a little goodbye to him and then in the next second, I think the guys in that waiting room saw me disappear in a cloud of dust from my propelled like a rocket escape (knees be damned), from that conversation.  Okay I embellished a bit ...but I was dying a thousand mortifying deaths being stuck int he "E" conversation at the end.  Talk about water cooler conversations!  And it's not that I can't handle an erection conversation ...but this was so out of the blue and with a male filled waiting room really shocked me and I felt trapped like a dear in headlights for the entire 30 minutes ...and I was standing too.  I should've just overrode his conversation, smiled and walked away, but he was so intent on talking and I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

The last scan of my heart was uneventful ...although not only was I certain my heart was smiling a big ...happy smile for the camera ...I was so happy to be done and leaving eight after the last scan, that I think the doctor must've seen my heart wink and wave back at him too.  No wonder I got a good report.  :)

Going home!  YAY!  I thanked them and complimented them on how great they all were.

*So the stress part of the test was not difficult at all.  It did feel a little different as the rate went up and I did look back at the light above ...but it really was not bad at all.  I honestly expected something awful and was genuinely surprised that was all it was.  And as I said above was reassuring that they were telling me what was happening during the test.  I think constant communication with the patients is important for this test.  The long waiting was the worst part.  Maybe it was pretty much uneventful because I don't have heart issues.  But having gone through it ...I would not be afraid to do it again.

Oh ...they wanted to know if I'd be flying in the next couple of days and I was not.  But I suppose I could've taunted the TSA  in Newark airport for fun if I wanted to ...setting of their machines for radioactive materials.  :)

I thanked them all as I left and told them that it was a much better experience because of how they all interacted with me and that it had been a positive experience.

We were going to go our for a bite to eat ...but after all the fluid intake and sitting in rush hour traffic bossy bladder called the shots and we just went straight home.  I also drove home since I felt normal and they said I could.  This test really was a breeze and I feel silly to have put it off for so long.  (I hope I feel the same way about my impending knee surgery.)

Then the next day ...  I came in to hear a message left by the cardiology office medical assistant to call them back.  She didn't say I had good test results.  And I do recall my doctor stating he would only call me if there was a problem.  My calm heart instantly went to pounding mode ...way more of a workout than what I remember during the stress test.  Who needs a medication when all they had to do was scare me to get my adrenaline going?!

I couldn't call back fast enough!  It turned out my doctor was away and so she wanted to schedule me to come in for a follow-up even though it was a good report. Be still my heart!  Well ...never be still my heart ...but gee that was a clear example of how the mind can directly affect the body.

That appointment was supposed to be today, but they had to cancel because he had to fly overseas for an emergency.   So we'll wrap this up next month.

And that is all I have to say about the nuclear stress test.  :)

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Three Annoying Things

Here is a picture of homemade Turkey soup with dumplings that I made recently.  The dumplings tie into this story ...albeit this story, they were beef stew dumplings.  A beef stew meal finally served ...but not without a bit of stress prior to the making of said beef stew.  :)

I started writing about the nuclear stress test and will put that up later or tomorrow, but in the mean time ...I just wonder these things happen to other people?

So what happened?

A Blood bath I tell you ...BLOOD EVERYWHERE!

Okay ...admittedly not Niagara Falls volume in blood but certainly a ridiculous amount of blood.

I was fit to be tied I tell you!

Oh just so you know it was from stew meat ...but you'd think the cow was right there in the kitchen in the middle of a bloodletting procedure.  It was a large package of stew meat ...but come on!  GEEEE!

It had been a long day and it ended with my having to clean up blood in the kitchen (the counter, silverware drawer, the cabinet, the floor, and the refrigerator), followed by the family room tile, the NEW rug and door mat.  I have this habit of practically gift wrapping the meat from Costco ...using 2 plastic bags on each end but that night I only used one.  Then when I get home ...I place it on a cookie tray so that if any blood leaks out it is caught on said tray.  Except I was careless and placed the large stew meat package on top of the pork chops and also on the hamburger meat.  Anyway apparently got pushed back and began leaking blood all down the back of the fridge and pooling underneath the drawers.  GROSS!  I grabbed it and placed it in a box on the counter ...but said blood also spilled across the floor onto the bottom cabinet, into the partially open silverware drawer and counter and then the box. I was beside myself! This cleanup was the last thing I wanted to do after 10pm and with sore knees to boot! As I removed the meat (gross) from the plastic bag even more blood came out of the meat package and plastic bag, pouring down into the cardboard box.  Son came by at that point and I asked him to take the box and put it outside for now.  Well instead of putting it right outside the nearest door for some reason unbeknownst to me (I was absorbed in cleanup), he took it to the farthest exit which led him through the family room and he didn't know blood was dripping out the corner of the box on the tile, rug and door mat.  I didn't know until I had finished cleaning up the kitchen.  And yes it was only drops at that point but I just was not in the mood.  Fortunately the rug is dark blue and I did get it clean.  I just have to ask ...what the heck?  How could there be that much blood?  It's not like I am phobic about blood ...hence a drop looks like a gallon.  Okay ...maybe magnified by fatigue at having to clean up in so many places ...followed by sterilizing.  Okay ...I AM phobic about E-coli from raw meat and have been known to regale my family and friends with horror stories about it if I see them being careless with  raw meat.  I mean it's not like they fling it around everywhere ...but there are times I do see they could use better precautions - just saying.  And so now this late at night ...I had to clean up extra carefully because of that.  UGH!  Where was the dog when I needed her???  ;)

Then a few nights later, I picked up a full bottle of organic carrot juice ...but it slipped out of my hands.  The bottle hit the floor with such force that it broke the TOP of the twist off lid on said full bottle of organic carrot juice ...which in turn caused about half of the carrot juice to shoot under the refrigerator and under the hutch and across the floor in front of these things ..and onto my feet and slippers.  Now after 9pm ...I was again fit to be tied ...this time ...beyond words.  I think if I had vented ...I'd have felt even worse.  In a silence of disbelief  ...I soaked up everything with bath towels and slid paper towels under the fridge.  I then filled the mop bucket with cleaner and hot water ..first using a hand mop.  But then I got into it and even got a scrub brush and just began scrubbing the kitchen floor.

 It was cathartic. 

A-N-D ...since I have often said things come in threes ...even tho I am not superstitious ...I ended up looking like Casper the friendly ghost the next afternoon.  That was because I was in the process of making dumplings for the beef stew.  The flour wasn't coming out of the bag and instead of just scooping some out ...I decided to create a spout with the bag ...but I also held this narrow Pampered Chef measuring cup up in the air ...higher than my eyes so that I could see the exact measurement indicator in the light. However ...I was a bit too aggressive in encouraging the flour out of the bag and it shot out with force ...not only filling the measuring container but covering my face, hands and chest well as the counter, floor and again with the partially open silverware drawer.  Again with the open drawer.  It is a large ..wide drawer that sticks a bit and so sometimes when busy I don't close it all the way because I know I will just open it again.

At least this was a dry clean up and I only had to vacuum the floor.

I am amused now ...but I was not amused when these things happened.

Oh and the stew and dumplings ...worth the bloodletting and flour debacles.  Says me.  :)

Again ...just a picture of the big pan of homemade turkey soup and dumplings ...perfect for the cold weather we've been having.  I wanted to take a pic of the stew but was too busty that night.

Saturday, February 15, 2014


Courage to face your fear.

Like being able to walk normally and without pain ...and getting my life back.  :)

Blogging Doc's Home Video of Ice Storm Damage in Georgia

This is a video of Dr Rob's office they took refuge in down in Augusta, Georgia.  I am so surprised that Georgia can get an ice storm like this.  I also feel so sorry for everyone down there.  It was awful being without power for eight days because of hurricane Sandy in October, 2012.  It was cold, but not freezing, and at least it wasn't in the middle of winter.

Thankfully they have power in his office and could stay there.  While watching his video ...seeing the devastation and hearing him talk about the trees snapping and power lines falling ...I kept wanting him to go back inside.

I hope they can get back to normal as soon as possible down there.

Since I began writing this post, their power was restored, but a few hours ago they just had a 4.4 earthquake down there that was felt in the whole southeast.

 WHAT is going on?

 Ever with a sense of humor, he joked that he is waiting for the locusts to arrive.

God forbid.
We had an earthquake up here a couple of years ago ...a small one.  It was felt down in Washington DC too.  That was on a summer day.  And before that a year or so ..not sure ...we had a small one ... one evening during the winter.  These are not common for around here.

I've been meaning to get earthquake insurance and then put it aside.  I'm reconsidering.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

We All Do It ...Well Not Like This Guy ... :)


At first I thought ...what is thisHilarious!  :)

I pray that everyone will be warm, safe and the power stays on.

I'm making a big pot of beef stew and homemade biscuits.  Just perfect for a snowy day.  :)

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Avoiding ..THE TEST and Other Patient Thoughts

I'm giving up coffee until some time tomorrow.  Well ...I have an hour to go.  I can't have coffee for 24 hours prior to the nuclear test I am having done.  What test you ask?

Ugh.  A nuclear stress test that I really, really do-not-want-to-do.  (Heck ...I'd rather have a ureteral stent removed in the office than do this test.  And anyone who followed my uro posts knows how I feel about that #10 exquisitely painful pain and so that is saying something.) I don't have any cardiac issues and actually ...this test was suggested to me the first time in May, 2009 and then in November 2011.  I did have normal echocardiograms at the time - both times.

The catalyst for my wanting to have a cardiac evaluation was because I was having heart palpitations.  The first time was in the spring ...of 2009 ...but my mother had died that April.  They stopped in May.  So I decided I didn't need the stress test, since the echo was normal.  "YOU decided?", you say.  I know ..but it just didn't seem necessary.  Plus wouldn't any doctor seriously concerned have tracked me down and insisted?  Okay ...I know patients can get lost in the mix of busy practices and human error

But then between August 2011 and October, 2011 ...I was having significant palpitations.  But that is when my lifelong friend, Iris was dying of stage IV lung cancer.  I was very involved in her care and glad to be.  I couldn't do enough for her although I think I was burning out a bit toward the end.  I tried so hard to be perfect ..or rather to do things perfectly for her be a blessing.  I know I wrote about this before, but twice she gave me the ultimate compliment ...seemingly in awe herself and so very grateful ...she said, "Patty, no one has treated me this good except for my father."  Believe me ...I know how he doted on her.  I wasn't trying to be like her father.  That never crossed my mind. I was trying to give my friend all the love and support I could before she died.  It was both a joy and a privilege.  I definitely tried. But I digress.

The thing about the palpitations during those last couple of months with her that they were fairly regular ...but they stopped right after she died.  If that isn't a demonstration of the strong connection between mind and body ..I don't know what else is.  Boy heart really was reacting to being shattered in pieces over losing my childhood friend of 52 years.  I imagine my heart was crying out  and crying ..."NO!  NO!  NO!  THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!"

 Then she died. 

And the palpitations of resistance...along with profound stress and feared loss ...stopped.

However, I still decided to get checked.

I was alarmed when I heard a message left by my new pcp's medical assistant ...that the echocardiogram indicated that I had a weak heart wall.  "WHAT?"  But ...I never called their office.  I don't know why exactly.  I guess because my new PCP was still relatively new to me and if that is how he chose to deliver the message to me ...then he did not want to discuss it.  And then I reasoned and besides ..what can he tell me?  This is why he is telling me to see a specialist and they will forward the report.  So ...instead ...I  just followed instructions to see a cardiologist.  That was one l-o-n-g week ...let me tell you.  And I should not have googled anything about it because it is hard to differentiate what is applicable and what is not ..thus I scared myself even more.  I also did not like getting the news that way and 100% believe that my doctor should have called directly.  My old PCP absolutely would have.  So would my gynecologist.  And my urologist would never let important news be delivered via anyone but himself.  And I realize ..wait ...COFFEE BREAK!  I only have until 1pm to drink coffee or have caffeine ...which I only want in the form of coffee.  Oh ..anyone familiar with my medical pre-test ..pre-op posts knows ..that I am wanting all the coffee in the world right now and that I am feeling like I will never have it again because now they say I can't.  Forbidden fruit and all that.  The upside is that I can drink water. (and other things ...sans caffeine.)  If you want to torture me ..tell me I can't drink water.  That IS the WORST!  BRB.  :)

Okay so I practically chug-a-lugged the 2nd cup and am now on my third.  The time is set for 10 minutes to drink one more.  Hey ...I had a real busy and long day yesterday and I need this stimulation right now.  I want to go to Macy's and Penny's and be awake to drive.  :)

Anyway ..I did say something to my new PCP and he said that he only calls for emergencies and serious reasons.  I said but a weak heart wall IS a serious reason. ?  Then he countered with he can't call for everything when he has (I think he said 60 calls) to make at the end of the day.  That sounds ridiculously high ..but the number was high and I don't recall it now, but he also has 2 other specialties besides being an internist.  And I really do like him a lot and we've been establishing a good rapport as time goes on.  I am amused at the way he challenges me.  But that is another post.  I have actually been remiss with getting back in there and that too is another post.  But ..I will be seeing him in a couple of weeks ..once other reports come in and he can clear me for the knee surgery ...again ...yet another post.  :)

And I will just say that I know the days of Dr Welby are dead.  I find that to be so sad though ...and frustrating.  I can only imagine how physicians feel ...especially with all the added pressures of complying with the ACA  regulations and it seems it will get worse before better.  I pray it will get better for all ...doctors, their patients and all involved in patient care.

The week I waited to see the cardiologist seemed like the longest week of my life.  There is something about thinking your heart is faulty that just sucks the breath right out of you.  I mean ..after all ...every beat keeps you alive.  I couldn't wait to get in to the appointment and I was afraid to go to the appointment.  ha!  That is indicative of the walking paradox I can be at times.  If I believed in astrology, I'd say it was the Gemini in me.  :) 

And so as soon as he walked into the exam room and sat down ..he looked at the report ..then looked up and said, "Why are you here?"  That took me aback because ..the report was right in front of him and he is the cardiologist and I figured he'd know better than anyone why I was there.  I stammered out how I was told I had a weak heart wall.  He seemed to delight in stating that most doctors don't know how to read these reports.  Then he said, "You DON'T have a weak heart wall."  OMGOSH!  The entire weight of the burden I carried all week just lifted right off of me and I felt as light as the breeze.  Then he had to coax me back down from the ceiling I had floated up to, so that we could continue our discussion.  My blood pressure was up though.  And that is another post I never wrote and maybe still will.  I had a horrible reaction to a brand new med he prescribed.  But ...I digress. 

Anyway ...I never did get the nuclear stress test he recommended.

And now I am wanting to (even though I really do not want to), because I want to be sure before I do the knee replacement surgery.

So ...why am I resistant to doing this test?  After all ...I'm no stranger to nuclear testing, as I've had several Mag III renal scans with Lasix to follow up on the uro condition I wrestled with for awhile.  Now resolved BTW.  :)  I already glow with the fireflies in the backyard during the summer.  ;)

Well ...I know this seems weird ...but I guess it is just because:

1. The idea of injecting something into my body that will make my heart speed up or do whatever it will do.  I'd feel much better if I was walking, running, etc., if I could because that would seem more natural.

2.  Although ...years ago, I read a book and saw the reenactment of a story told by a cardiologist (Dr Maurice Rawlings) I saw interviewed on TV ...regarding how he came to believe in heaven and hell.  He was doing a stress test on a patient ...a mailman ...while in his office.  The man dropped dead of a heart attack right in front of him and the nurse.  The doctor immediately initiated CPR and the patient ...vacillating between life and death during the process, was crying out to be saved because he was seeing hell. They did end up saving his life.  And that experience was the catalyst for the doctor to renew his own faith and seek out information on NDE's, etc., and THAT is another post too.  Gosh - I sure could write a lot of posts.  :)  Anyway ...patients can have heart attacks while doing this test?  GOD FORBID!

3.  A friend of mine had a bad experience while having one done (the nuclear stress test) and she told me they told her she could have certain reactions.  Now I forget what they are.  But I do recall that she said they advised her to bring coffee to drink after the test because it could give her a bad headache and the caffeine could help alleviate it.  She got a horrendous headache.  Neither the doctor or scheduling staff warned me of any negative effects or told me to bring coffee.  I will just bring coffee ..although it will be cold.  I will be driving down and back.  My friend said she wouldn't advise driving after the test.  But the scheduler said I could drive.

4.  The test can be anywhere from 1 1/2 to 5 hours.  I'm guessing longer time frame would be indicative of a problem.  GOD FORBID!

5.  I'm just NOT in the mood to do this!  Also ...I would prefer doing this in my community hospital.  Not in this other office building ...across from the hospital.  Although ...honestly ...I don't want to do this test up here ...down there ..I do not want to do this test ANYWHERE!  

However ...the upside will be to get a good report.  Heck the upside will be to go back home too!  And seriously ...get a good report ...and to finally have this behind me more procrastinating which really is just a slow torture because you're just delaying something you ALWAYS know you are going to have to do.  So it is always in the back of your mind ..hanging over you.  I always used to be a bite the bullet ...just get it done and get through it kind of SeaSpray.  I don't know why or when I exactly changed.  I guess I became rather proficient at avoiding doing the uro surgery and it has carried over into other areas.  DENIAL.  AVOID.  DENIAL AND MORE DENIAL ..AND  MORE AVOIDING.  :)

And the logic of doing what you have to do does not escape me.  Nor does the fact that I am being silly.  Well ..there have been surgical concerns.   And ...I absolutely would encourage family or friends to just go get the test ...ASAP ..and they will most likely have GOOD news, but if they don't then they will catch something early that the doctors could still treat.  Something like that anyway.  Just do as I say ..not as I do.  :)

Then at the end of the week ...on Valentines day ...I will be meeting with another specialist.  Hopefully, I really don't have to and again it is just a matter of me wanting to dot every "i" and cross every "t" prior to the knee surgery.  I know there are inherent risks to all surgeries and now that I am not so naive about being an OR patient I just want to be ready.  That being said ...I should have lost all the weight I needed to and I have not done that.  God knows I've had the time to do so.

About a year and a half ago, my new PCP said, "You are healthier than you think you are."  I think I just became so enmeshed into being afraid to have the uro surgery  (because I was considered high risk.  I am guessing I still am ..although I have lost more weight since then.), and ...waiting for the other shoe to drop with relapses ...that I became hypervigilant about everything medical.  And for the first time ...I let fear in.  I mean let it set-up-house-kind-of-let-fear-in.  And that is so opposite faith ...having faith.  Fear is opposite faith.  I honestly never let it take hold as I did during that time.  Allowing fear in has become the antithesis of how I viewed life prior to these things.  Of course perhaps it is easier to be brave when you have nothing challenging your faith.  That being said ...I know there is power in our words.  I think it is important to express your feelings that fear doesn't magnify within ...but then once released you HAVE to be positive and believe for the best all things ...not just medically speaking.

And so now having vented about tomorrow's test and then some ...I am believing the test will go smoothly ..without side effects and that I will get a good report from the doctor.  Actually news is good news in this case because he said he doesn't call with good results.  So truly ...I don't want to hear from this doctor again.  :)

And now I don't feel like going to Macy's or Penny's today.  Finally ...I'm in a blogging mood.  :)

Friday, February 7, 2014

Scale Quest - Miserable About Test (Revised)

Costco Deal: Weight Watchers Digital Glass Scale $14.99

I am so not in the mood for Monday's test.  I'm doing it though.

Even going to Costco now isn't perking me up.

I didn't get there all week and now I'm watching the kids tomorrow at noon ...and so I HAVE to go and get a scale.  I hope they still have the kind I got last time.  I have found the scale to keep me mindful of weight gain or loss.  Mostly from gaining weight back that I lost.  Except for minimal yo-yoing.  I never should've given it up back in the 80s.  yeah ..I know.  I was a bit slow on the uptake of the value of having one for a couple of decades.

Back then, I had gone to an OA meeting and the speaker there had commented that numbers don't matter but how we both look and feel ..and if we were healthy ...vs feeling the need to conform to a number that may or may not be right for our physical makeup.  Well it turned out that for me allowed me to go into major denial ...maybe some kind of weight recognition unconsciousness because I gained.

Anyway ...I have lost 80 or so pounds ..but vacillated up - down and all around ...but because I went back to my weighing myself 3 times ..sans clothing and after first morning tinkle and then going with the 2 out of 3 number ..or worst one .. that helps to keep me aware. And fortunately I have stayed on the LOW end of regaining.  If only those of us that struggle with this problem could just 100% maintain if not actively losing weight ..and then when ready to lose more continue downward.  If only.

Oh I do hope they have the one I want.  I hope they still carry them.
Mission accomplished!

Although ...I made the mistake of weighing myself 11:30 at night.

Everyone knows the best time is in the morning. Of course I'd have to have a miracle for it to really make a difference.

Yeah ..that's it.