Sunday, March 2, 2014

The Entertaining Bajingoland Exam/Procedures and Other Ponderings ;)

I see a pattern here.  I've been thinking a lot about surgery lately ...especially today.  It seems I get a bit zany with my writing when I think about going into the OR or some other stressful medical thing I will have to do.  Hence ...this post.  Yes inspired by the video in the previous post ...but it is a medical venting on my part.  It is what I do.  :)  In thinking about the MANLY self exam video in my previous post I got to thinking about the silver sequined gloves ...and how I like the BLING ...and so I decided that I'd be okay with my gyne or uro docs wearing silver sequined gloves for the Bajingoland exam-procedures.  After all ... a bit of bling in a girl's life  ...'tis a good thing.  ;)

Ha ha!  A bit of bling  - a doctor sporting the silver sequined gloves ...followed by the doctor moon walking over to the exam table ...followed by smooth dance spin just prior to sitting in front of the patient ...what's not to appreciate?

I mean really our doctors do enough for us?  Wouldn't a bit of medical entertainment be conducive to lifting patient morale?  Putting them at ease in an otherwise awkward situation?  I mean what patient has time to feel embarrassed or afraid ...when they are focused on and then through the exam/procedure still thinking about the entertainment just provided by their provider?  Seriously.  ;)

Hey ...I think I'm on to something here.

Why you ask?

Well ...I think medical schools should incorporate patient entertainment into their curriculum. Oh sure cadavers have their place ...but I ask you ...when is the last time a cadaver got a patient to feel up beat ...or even feel ...the beat?  Exactly!   Heck ...I say let the medical entertainment training begin in med school but then the residents hone their patient entertainment skills during residency. No one graduates with out acing not only the written and verbal part of the exams ...but the doctors have to be proficient in the physical  ...dancing their way through that part of the test. 

What?  Physicians are too busy you say?  EMRs, the ACA, heavy patient loads and a demanding schedule with no time to sleep or breathe unless on the run?  Pish posh!  Any doctor worth his salt stethoscope and/or speculum will have finessed the entertainment aspect of the practice.  And what a lucrative practice it would be because I mean ...what patient wouldn't want an entertaining doctor to get their mind off things?

Why the most enterprising, patient savvy  ...oh and skilled doctors will be so in tune with their patients that they will instinctively know what form of entertainment will be most beneficial and conducive to a positive medical exam/procedure.

Of course the more affluent practices will equip each exam room with state-of-the-art sound and lighting effects to compliment the dance routine. But every physician should be able to captivate their patient's attention even when going back to basics with their no frills Patient Entertainment 101 moves.  Just as a surgeon had darned well better know how to operate even with out electricity it is the same for the entertaining physician.  Just saying.

As I ponder this ...oh the possibilities are endless I tell you!

Why limit oneself to dancing?  Surely the specialists will be able to sing and dance ...and even throw in a clown routine ...or maybe some opera.  And the truly ambitions ...yet thoughtful docs will have their staff participate too.  I mean what's not to love about singing and dancing medical assistants or front desk receptionists?  Or an entertaining call to Medicare while trying to secure that reimbursement?

Or a clown shtick?

Or how about entertaining the surgical patient?  I know a thing or to about going to the OR and I think the entertainment should begin with the transport to the OR ...singing and dancing all the way.  Then without missing a beat the OR staff jumps in, with the surgeon being the lead performer?  And off course that's because everyone knows the surgeon calls the shots in the OR.  And can't you just picture a singing and dancing ...stent wielding urologist in the OR?  Or a power tool wielding orthopedic surgeon?  Obviously that little intravenous pre-op cocktail will enhance the patient entertainment experience ...just a bit.   Maybe throw in a little stand up comedy? What a way to go out for surgery...leave em laughing. :)  And by "leave em", I mean the patient goes under the effects of the anesthesia laughing and only leaves the OR doors going directly into post-op.  There will be no other leaving the OR in the vertical out-of-body ...float to the ceiling exit.  None of that!

Oh and how about the emergency room docs dancing their way into the patient areas.  Talk about CURTAIN calls!  ;)  Why Press Ganeys would take on a whole new meaning with patient reviews.  Siskel and Ebert - Move over!

I'm just putting this stuff out there.

As for this SeaSpray that I think about it ...I think I would prefer that my doctor wear silver sequined gloves and/or a blinged up white coat and tap dance his/her way into my room. Yes ...the rhythmic sound of tap shoes on the hard floors along with animated silver sequined gloves would be truly mesmerizing, i.e., distracting from the exam/procedure at hand ...pun intended.   And for the encore ...I could fling turquoise glitter into the air ...adorning everyone in the room.  Oh what fun! Now that is my idea of a positive patient experience. ;)

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