Friday, November 14, 2014

Happy 8th Blogiversary!!! :) And Stuff

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I guess I really have a writer's block with the post I started about the pool incident.  I told myself no more blogging until I write about it.  I haven't written anything in here since SEPTEMBER.  I've never gone this long without writing in this blog.

 Oh and as of yesterday, November 13th, this blog is officially 8 years old.  Wow.  Time sure has flown by.  Happy 8th Blogiversary to me.  :)  This is the first year that I forgot about it.  Well ...there has also been a lot going on too - mostly good. 

I actually wrote a lot more but it's not flowing as I would like and so I will save it for another time.  It's too disjointed and I actually have several posts in what I wrote.  I guess I am eager to write and so too many thoughts are coming up right now.  I'm also tired and need to get some sleep since my sweet grandson will be here bright eyed and bushy tailed early in the morning.  :)

I have to say I was surprised and disappointed with what my operating orthopedic doctor decided today regarding knee surgery.  THAT is a post in itself as I never told you why knee surgery was delayed from last spring. It was so weird how 4 doctors had to cancel appointments with me last winter because of things in their personal lives ...which then caused me to keep changing the surgery date, that was finally schedule for April 28th.  Now I am thinking it was a good thing I did not do it then.  I'm also a little discouraged ...and a little bit relieved ...and a little afraid ...and a little bit in denial...because it takes my breath away when I think about the latest diagnosis.  And what I mean by that is when the thought of the diagnosis hits me, I feel like I have an internal quick short inhale that is attached to some kind of little panic - just a few seconds and then it passes. probably because I go into denial and distract myself with other things.  But it's always there.  It's not the end of the world at all but I wonder if it has more serious implications then I realize.  Particularly if I were to get an infection of any kind.  God forbid!  And the thing is losing weight can improve this.  So seriously I have to get over it and just do what I have to do.  It's a good thing that I still can effect a positive change IF I will just do what I know to do.

So what am I talking about you ask?

I don't want to get into it now.  And part of the reason I never wrote about this latest diagnosis when it first came up is because I feel embarrassed, like I failed and somehow brought this on myself.  I do wonder.  By the way ...embarrassed?  The SeaSpray who writes about her Bajingoland exams feels EMBARRASSED over this and not those posts???  Well, for one thing those posts were venting posts and the zanier they were ...the more I needed to vent.  :)  It was cathartic.

So, I have to remind myself that I am a person of faith who doesn't limit God and that I have experienced healing miracles and know of healing miracles in other people I know.  Heck. I think not having to have the urology surgery is one of them.

I have to say I felt EXCITED that we were getting our first snowfall tonight.  And I just love that it gets dark so early now.  People think I'm weird about that but I've always loved it.  Then I feel a little sad on December 21st because after that it begins staying lighter longer.  Then I get over it.  :)  And also for the first time in 17 years we still have inflated tubes on and under the deck.  I did try to get the air out last week but they were too cold and so I have to bring them inside.

There is just so much to write about.  But not now.  And I am giving myself permission to not write the swimming post for now ...unless inspiration hits. Then I will.  I don't know why I can't.  I mean I wrote about Mom dying and Iris and Pat and others ...really painful stuff.  It helped to write.  It was ...the "C" word again - cathartic.

I will tell you though that for a long time I had been thinking about calling the grief counselor that helped me with Mom's passing.  She is a cognitive psychologist and I just love her.  We worked really well together and I just felt like getting a tune-up ...getting some guidance, but I never called.  Then one day on impulse I called and we reconnected like I had never left.  And then at the end of a conversation, I told her about how our precious grandson almost drowned in our pool and then ...I cried.

She said, "NOW I know why you called me!"

That was it.  That was the catalyst.  I didn't know it but when she said it, it resonated within me and I knew that I knew that I knew she was right.  It was so traumatic that my subconscious propelled me to that phone even though I thought it was just a random ...time to reconnect with her.  It felt good to really get my feelings out about it but's just hard to land on the memories of it in my mind's eye ...and feel to the depth that writing evokes within me.  Not yet.  And yet maybe my story will help someone else NOT to make the same mistake that I did.  UNBELIEVABLE!  I mean unbelievable that I let myself get distracted ...especially when everyone knows how consistently cautious I am when it comes to safety and am downright strict with pool rules.  But in retrospect ...

Now I really do have to go.  I wonder if I will have blogger's remorse in the morning and delete this.  Ha!  Or if I will get back up in the middle of the night to delete this as I have done with some other blogger's remorse posts.  :)

And on a lighter note's BAKING season.  I've been buying baking supplies.  Pumpkin cookies start next week.  YAY!  :)

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